Board of Visitors at Kanuga

Dear Jack,
This past weekend I went to Kanuga to work for the Board of Visitors. Kristin McSwn met me at the McDonald’s by the freeway and we drove up together. It was good to get to visit with her. We didn’t have any idea what exactly to expect when we got there. All in all it was a pretty uneventful trip. I help with socials and the bar. It was a lot of fun. One story stands out and is worth repeating.

I was cleaning up one of the socials, and Jimmy Hdn, my boss, came up to me and with his father, Rev. Bob Hdn. They started talking to me about the homosexual issue in the Church going on at the present time. I could tell Jimmy had been drinking a little. But they were both very adamantly pro-gay. We talked about the polygamy in Africa and how it is hypocritical of them to stick their nose into our affairs when we let them do that in Africa. Then Jimmy’s mother and wife joined the conversation. It was almost surreal. Then Jimmy hit me with a surprise. Speaking to his family he said, “I’m not sure you know this but... (and he turned to me)... You’re gay, right Chap?” I was a little surprised he knew, but didn’t deny it. Then we started talking about the ministry and how it shouldn’t be bared and stuff like that. I ended up not having to clean up the social, as my co-workers weren’t willing to come stop me from talking with the boss. Afterwards, I went up to Jimmy to ask him where he had learned I was gay. He said he had heard it last summer and meant to talk to me. He then preceded to tell me about how his brother came out to him. It was rather touching, as he broke down to near tears. He said he wasn’t upset because of his brother being gay, or out of fear for him. He was upset that it took him so long to come out, and was so proud of him for having the courage to do so. The entire conversation was very moving.

This week I’ve gotten to know Andrew Cnnlly and Daniel Tsk a little better. They have become good friends with Mo and Dani. It is to a point where Mo doesn’t want me around because she has a crush on Andrew, and fears he may be gay, and that I may ruin things for her by helping him come out. Of course to most this sounds preposterous, but to her, I assume it makes sense. I just find it extremely frustrating. As far as I am concerned he isn’t gay. Now I have an opinion that he may be, but I’m not going to act on anything unfounded and based on stereotypes.

I have met a pretty cool person online. His name is Chris Ptrsn. He goes to Winthrop and is 19 years old. We have talked nearly every night for the past two and a half weeks... well I should say every morning... as we tend to start conversations around midnight. We have so much in common in personality and desires. The fact that we have actual goals for our lives is the biggest thing that makes me interested. He is sensitive, usually walked on, and looking for a real friendship that could turn into something else. The biggest problem is that he’s at Winthrop which is an hour and a half away, so it is virtually impossible for me to consider a real relationship of any sort. This saddens me of course, as I feel I have finally found someone that would be worth a shot. If we were in the same place or nearer to each other, things may be good for dating. I wish I could find a way to either get this to work out, or to find someone around here.

I am really feeling intimacy withdrawal. I have decided this is the best way to refer to what I feel. I don’t miss Daniel W. all that much, but I do miss the intimacy. I get the personality online, and I don’t feel the romantic feelings anymore for him. I do miss the cuddling and massages.

This weekend I’m heading home to Conyers for Fall Break. I don’t know why I’m heading there, as all my friends are elsewhere. Thus I’ll be heading home just to family. Now I’m not saying that that is bad, but it would be nice to have other than family too. Specifically I miss Joy a lot. We haven’t been able to talk in a good while and I really, really miss her. Every time she is online, I’m not. I get emails from her occasionally and learn that she is having a great time. I am so very happy for her, and especially that things are working out. I hope that I will be able to see her at least over Thanksgiving. It would be cool if I could arrange for either her to come to Conyers or me to go to Carrolton this weekend, but I don’t know how to get it with my mom and letting me use the car. So things probably won’t work out like that. Plus Joy never has her phone on, so I hardly can call her and see what the deal is.