A Visit from Mom and Dad

Gay Morals ... eh... Morals

Dear Jack,

Michael went to General Convention last month. It proved to be rather interesting on several accounts. Not only did we elect the first woman to be Primate of the Episcopal Church, Katharine Jefferts-Schori, but we also acknowledged a feast day for you, Clive Staples Lewis (a.k.a Jack). Many other things were done, and others not done, including acknowledging Christ as the Name for Salvation.

But that's not what I want to talk about. Rather I am frustrated with the character of people that Michael ran across... and it got me bothered. On the trip, people were met who were workers in the Church, mostly gay, but some straight. The common bond with them seemed to be a blatant disregard of personal morals with regards to sexual relationships. One does not expect the whole populous to have the "traditional" morals of the Church, as not all are affiliated or care about the Church. Yet one would think that those who actually work for the Church as cleric or musician would have some inkling of what is appropriate behavior. Out right many divulged extreme promiscuity not limited to one-night stands, orgies, "f#ck" buddies, cheating, and competitions on who gets laid the most at the American Guild of Organists (just to name a few).

I am not a prude, and don't expect people to wait till marriage. Indeed many of my friends have chosen to have much more "casual" relationships than I would. Mind you, when they are in relationships they are monogamous. And I can even understand occasionally screwing around ... although I don't think it's healthy physically, spiritually, or mentally--often many after reflection think the same. What I don't understand is the expected acceptance of such behavior for someone in a leading role in the Church. As a leader of the Church one is automatically put in the public eye as an example. Now whether this is fair or not, it is what happens. And the behavior exhibited by these public figures is seen as acceptable behavior. Thus if one expresses themselves as ones who engage in orgies, and one-night stand casual sex, and that person is also a Leader in the Church-- I have a problem with it.

That takes me to my next ranting point. How can we as Gays expect any form of respect for our relationships--any right to "marriage" if we do not exhibit the ability to be faithful to those we are with, or if we screw around with whomever wants their rocks off? Put simply, we won't gain any leverage. Indeed the behavior exhibited fuels the fires of those who already have it in their mind to disapprove of us. One cannot hide behind "we have no recognized marriage" anymore. Church sanctioned or Government sanctioned--the relationship has to be FIRST sanctioned by the people in it.

It is unfortunate that the stereotype that has been projected about gay men is not similar to the stereotype of lesbians. The joke is: "What is the difference between what a Lesbian brings on her second date and a Gay man brings on his second date? Answer. Lesbian: A U-Haul; Gay man: A second date?"

It is more so unfortunate that the many fruitful long-enduring relationships of gay men is not the stereotype shown in America. I watched the Gay Pride Parade last month as a couple celebrated 40 years together--clapping and cheering followed them as they walked. THIS should be the stereotype and common expression among us.

We hurt ourselves in our sexual promiscuity... and indeed the promiscuous gay man hurts also the community by perpetuating such stereotypes.

And need we point to the Gay Community??? HECK NO.

Equally as rampant, and more so accepted, is the promiscuity among heterosexuals. Television portrays a date as always ending in Sex. The ever popular Sex and the City is a quintessential, well done (sadly), expression of heterosexual dating portrayed in the media. The difference between this expression and the gay expression... say of Queer as Folk, is that society accepts it as a norm.

One person pointed out to me that the Bible "admonishes" possible homosexual expressions 6 times, but "admonishes" blatant heterosexual expressions 360 some times. Yet, unfortunately if one turns on a "conservative" tv station or radio, and one finds very little discussing heterosexual promiscuity and sexual misconduct.

That is truly the saddest part of it all. And to top it all off the heterosexual Church leaders-- in their pomp and glory -- statistically are just as bad as the homosexual ones.

Ok... enough ranting.

Growing Frustrations

Dear Jack,

I am growing more and more frustrated with the current situation in the Church. As a gay man I am at odds with the majority of so-called "Conservative" or "Orthodox" Christians. Yet my belief in Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior is becoming more and more of a problem to the so-called "Liberal" or "Progressive"Christians who are edging near Universalism and downplaying the role of Christ in our Salvation.

There feels to be no place for me. I do not know how much longer I can endure a Church that is unwilling to call in Jesus' name for Salvation solely because it sounds "exclusive" to Non-Christians. One would think that the radical freedom from and redemption of sin that comes with Christ would be sufficient to call upon His name. Rather it seems a fear that any proclamation is condemning rules the roost, and orthodoxy seems to be shoved aside so as to not offend. Christ Jesus' gift of Love and Salvation is not one of condemnation--it is one of reconciliation and freedom. Put as John so wisely did, Jesus came into the world not to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved. The focus is not on the despairing outcast going to hell, but rather on the invitation to come into a certain relationship that saves from hell. Looking as John puts it, the focus is not on exclusion, but on inclusion...an invitation if you will. Paul speaks even more on this in saying that it is not God who condemns but the lack of belief already keeps people in death ("condemns"). Rather it is Christ Jesus who saves... who redeems... who's Truth sets free. He aletheia elethrusaia humas: The Truth shall set you free. Not Condemn.

I wrestle often with who is "saved" and not when it comes to other religions. I do not know. I get a good feeling that the Chosen people may be safe--not certain, but got a good feeling. In the end what I think is irrelevant. If I think they are saved and they are not...it is in God's hands. If I think they are not saved and yet they are... again it is in God's hands. Thus the necessity to speak about who is saved and who is not saved seems irrelevant on this mass sized scale.

The only answer I know of for certainty is Christ. Indeed I may get to heaven to find that the Universalists are right... but in the end anyone, Buddhist, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, Conservative, Liberal, Undecidedly Agnostic or Atheist...if they are in heaven it is by the merit and grace of Christ Jesus saving them despite their disbelief in him. I do not know if that is how it will work in the end. Frankly I'd much rather let God worry about it and focus on making sure my relationship with God reflects my belief in God as Creator, Healer, Redeemer, Sanctifier, and Lover of All Souls.

Literature is Beckoning

Dear Jack,

Another week is ending and not much has really gone on. This week has been pretty low-key which has been a nice rest. Yesterday one of my co-workers took a personal day, and I was proud to show that I could help fill in. Last night, Michael and I met up with one of our friends at The Cup diner, and have tentative plans with her and her girlfriend tomorrow night in the East Village. We are also looking at meeting up with Elyse on Saturday. I think this weekend will be fun.

On the works for the weekend are watching Capote and Bollywood. Michael doesn't seem to care too much about the first, but I think it is great. Of course I have always been a fan of Truman Capote since I read In Cold Blood which the movie closely follows the formation of. My favorite Capote piece, however, is A Christmas Memory, which I will always remember Mr. Smith reading to us during our final exam in AP English in 11th grade. Little did I realized how much Mr. Sm3th and Truman Capote sound alike.

This all got me thinking about literature--well really hanging out with Elyse last week got me thinking about literature. There is so much that I have not read, and should try and find time to read. I actually have a great deal of books to read, and should have enough time to do the reading. It is sad to say that the last book I read was The Da Vinci Code, as it is so cliche and, although controversial, upon knowing reality, is stupid. At least, my last book read isn't a Mozart biography...I need not mention names... or one of the Harry Potter books.

New Jersey

Dear Jack,

This weekend Michael and I traveled to New Jersey. We went with a friend from Michael's Mozart group to another member's house in Raritan. We watched a movie on Mozart as well as listened to music of Mozart or contemporaries of Mozart. We also watched some slides of Mozart related places--all great if you are a big Mozart fan, which Michael and his friends from the forum are. I on the other hand, although enjoying myself, found it a bit much. Regardless it was nice hanging out with them and traveling to the country. Oh, last week we hung out with Albert and Jason. It was great to hang out with them. Albert and Jason both look great--I think they're loosing weight or something. We ate at Acme Diner, which always makes me nervous... I mean ACME for crying out loud... Wylie E. Coyote never had any luck with ACME. Luckily though they have sweet tea.

Grandpa Part II

Dear Jack,

Well this past weekend I flew to Ohio to attend my Grandpa Hohne's memorial service. It was a very pleasant weekend over all--in a manner befitting the memory of a great man. My Dad, Uncle Mike, and nephew Kris sang a prelude of music before the service, as well as How Great Thou Art at the end of the service. My Uncle John gave the eulogy, and it was very touching. After the service, we all went to the cemetery where there was a military salute to Grandpa by the VFW of Geneva OH. Following that, we all went to St. Joseph's Catholic Church to use their parish hall for a reception. It was good to see everyone there, and to share in the food with the family.

After that, the immediate family went back to my Grandma's house to talk and relax. I was happy that my brothers Kris and Lee were able to come, and my nephew Kris. After my Aunt Candy, my uncles, and my cousins left, big Kris and Lee stayed and visited with my Dad, Grandma, and myself. This was probably the most in depth conversation I've been involved in with my brother Lee. It was great.

Early the next day, Dad and Uncle Mike left to drive back to Georgia. Grandma and I met my Uncle Tom, Aunt Annette, and her mother Madge for brunch at Lakeways. It was also a good visit.

Later that day, Grandma drove me to the airport. There I ran into my cousin Ron and his family as they were also leaving (only heading to Atlanta rather than New York). It was a very nice coincidence and opportunity to visit.

Despite meeting for the occasion of a funeral, this was probably one of the best visits I have had.

Friendships Falling

Dear Jack,

Leaving all names aside, the issue must be mentioned:

A friend's friend was visiting and was hanging out with Michael. The friend was very blatantly hitting on Michael, commenting on all his features. This is not something totally new, as people hit on people all the time. There was a line crossed, however, in that the person then (having known Michael and I for less than 24 hours) said "You know you, the way he looks and the way you look...[Chap] and you don't belong together. I mean what's with that?". Had the comment been made by a stranger, Michael would have put that person in his place. However, the comment was made by a friend's friend, so Michael restrained reaction to "How could you know? You don't know us." Regardless, the person persisted with questions about Michael's dating experience history. The friend, recognizing the situation as bad even asked the guy to shut up.

Time goes on, and the guy flirts with Michael throughout the day, and into the night, in front of me even. Although I can get jealous easily, I recognize when there is not any chance of competition. This old dude was far from a being someone that would cause Michael to stray, even if straying were apart of Michael's personality.

Over the next few days, the comments made by the guy did bother me. Coupling the comment about Michael and I not belonging together were the comments on the beautiful physique of Michael. Very plainly the reason this guy felt I should not be with Michaelis because I do not look as traditionally "cute" as Michael. This really hurt and pissed me off. What was worse, was that the same guy, the friend, and our friend Bob were scheduled to join us for Easter Dinner.

At dinner, things went well. After dinner, the guy having left us to pursue a fling on Long Island, Michael inquired to our friend about the situation. Here is where things get odd. The friend, not recognizing the hurt I felt, nor agreeing in the inappropriateness of the comments, said that Michael should expect such comments because of the way he dresses. More was said against Michael regarding a proposed "naivety" and necessity of needing to "live in the real world".

Later the friend left. Bob left. Michael and I thought. The things said were very mean, and unrelated to the actual hurt the dude had incurred with his comments. Our friend did not seem to recognize that we were the victims of his dude, nor that his criticizing Michael rather than admonishing his friend played out that he agreed with the friend's comments.

Later that night I visited the friend, and rather than deal with the situation at hand, I was given a bag of red herrings. 1. That Michael and I are too judgmental of his friends, and that this necessitated him having to find a new place to live farther away from us, in addition to not introducing any more friends to us; 2. We bring up his friends to other friends of his and to our own friends, and he felt that was gossiping; and 3. That Michael  is the person at fault for not reacting at the time to his guy friend in a harsher manner, and for his style of dress provoking flirtation. He also mentioned not liking me mentioning him on my blog, thus the no name. (Regarding the story, this is my story, and I am going to write about it whether he likes it or not).

After much conversation, and several weeks of pussy footing around the situation, we finally all talked (not the dude). At first our friend admitted nothing wrong, and expected us to apologize. Michael and I did apologize for bringing up the comment in front of B4b, and for bringing up other friends in front of his friends, and for being "judgmental" (although we don't see it as such).

We got an apology that began with "I'm sorry you got hurt, but..." and then listed why we should not be upset. Mind you we were not holding him accountable for his friend, but for his reaction and his comments on Easter. Again the "naivety" of Michael was blamed for the situation, as well as his clothing. In addition we were told that the opinion expressed was only an "opinion" and is as prevalent as anuses.

Michael left the situation, and I was bombarded with how the two of them could not be friends because of Micahel's reaction to this friend's apology. I stood up for Michael. Michael came back and demanded an apology. Rather than brushing off the situation, the tearful red herring of "y'all are my only friends here" was brought up as a reason for moving on. Still no admittance that the comments were wrong and hurtful to us.

Finally we got a vague "I apologize for everything I've done". I am sure you have heard many people say that such a blanket apology is not really one at all, as it does not give any ownership to the actual deeds done.

We left that night with Michael needing time to think. I go back and forth from finding the apology suitable, to being insulted by it.

If indeed this person cares so much about us, than I would hope he would just swallow up his pride and apologize. Indeed also, if this person cares so much about us he should recognize our hurt.

Upon reflecting on the situation further, I began to question the depth of the friendship. As I looked throughout the time this friend has been near me, I find little white lies appearing that I let go or ignored. I found in the conversations I had with him a lack of understanding regarding the depth of the love Michael and I share with each other. Indeed if this friendship were so deep, he would be able to grasp the many "real world" experiences in just this past year that Michael and I have had to endure.

I just don't see this friendship going on...it is falling. And I don't see him trying to reconcile it at all.

Leftist Invaders

Dear Jack,

Expalin to me how my Church was invaded by people who make Hilary Clinton look moderate to right? Recently I've been upset at the prospect that the leaders of the Church want to allign the church with pro-choice organizations. In addition I'm finding more and more people afraid to proclaim that Jesus Christ and belief in him is essential to the Christian journey. So many seem so concerned about what the non-Christian is going to say when confronted with Christ--well that concer should be abated if the person in question has chosen to come to the Church to begin with. If one goes to a Mosque one expects to hear about Mohammed, and if one goes to a Synagogue, one expects to hear about Moses and the Torah. Thus one would think going to a Church would allow one to hear about Jesus.

In addition, since when does being Gay inclusive = being Baby killers? I am very sorry to all feminists etc, but I will not and cannot condone the innocent death of a child that is in the womb, that DOES feel pain, that (if in the case of rape) is also a victim. Life being endangered... that is more grey. I read rencently something that stands out. If a pregnant woman is murdered, the person is charged with murder and feticide. Yet a doctor is not charged with feticide...only because the woman didn't want to admit that the thing in her is a living entity. Life is indeed sacred, and in a world where people criticize the evils of war and poverty, of pain and rape, of murder and injustices... how can one then align oneself with the death of the innocent.

I want so bad to find a church that is Gay inclusive yet holds to some form of Biblical Christianity where there is belief in Christ and in the Trinity, in the Resurrection, and in the sacredness of life.

April 2006 Photo

Hopeful Job, New Bladder

Dear Jack,

Well tax money has arrived in my account, and I am happy. This means I will be able to attend the memorial service for my grandfather. More good news includes a conversation with my bosses today at work. On their way to a meeting, they asked me if I was looking for a permanent job. I answered yes. They replied... good, we'll be sure to talk about that at the meeting. I am not sure if that means a job here at the bank, but it sure smells like it.

As I'm typing this, I am watching the news. It looks like doctors have successfully re-created working human bladders. The bladders were actually created from cells several years ago, and were kept on the DL until they knew that the organs were working normally. They say that they are also looking at cardiac muscles, livers, and lungs. If this is a successful adventure, it looks like most problems of health may be fixable by popping out the old organ and popping in a new one with the same DNA (thus reducing the risk of rejection). Woot. The cynical side of me hopes that it would be available for more than just the rich, but I doubt it.

Grandpa Part I

Dear Jack,

Well yesterday morning, around 3AM, my Grandpa Hohne passed away. I am still letting this process... as it is hard to really take it all in being so far from everyone. My understanding is that he will be cremated in North Las Vegas and that there will be a memorial service in Ohio later on. I do not know the details though.

The new job at Amalgamated Bank is going pretty well. The people there are extremely friendly. I believe that I am doing well, as they have moved me on to a more complicated stuff than what I was originally hired for. The other temps are friendly too. I have gotten to know two of them fairly well.

Get Real Review

Dear Jack,

Just saw Get Real, and here's what I thought:

Michael and I watched this the other night. This is probably one of my favorites so far, with regards to gay movies. The acting was actually decent, the plot was averagely complicated, and the characters were likable.

The story was very realistic, a private school setting in England where the unpopular, closeted, gay boy crosses upon the athletic, even more closeted, head boy. Other than it being about gay teenagers, I saw no reason for it to be rated "R"...but it seems the family groups are in charge of the rating systems rather than logical people. There was no sex, barely one shot of one butt for less than a second, little violence, and very little bad language.

All around I recommend this movie.

Failure to Launch not Complete Failure

Dear Jack,

Just saw Failure to Launch and here are my thoughts:

So I saw this ONLY because of McConaughey. And for the most part, it was worth it. The biggest problem other than the obvious predictability of the plot, was the weird inclusion of animals biting Matthew with an undeveloped plot understanding that nature was mad at Matthew for not moving out of the house.

I also wish there were more scenes with shirts off and men prancing around in towels...well Matthew prancing with a towel...and maybe one of his buds.

New Job

Dear Jack,

Well today I began a new job through Winston. I am working at Amalgamated Bank. The people there are very friendly, and I think this will be a decent assignment.

I wish something had gone through with the Episcopal Church Center, but so far I've heard nothing whatsoever. I guess I will just do my best with this job, and see if anything comes of it.

Other than that, there is not much new going on.

Michael's Birthday was on St. Patrick's Day, and we celebrated twice. On Friday, I cooked dinner and baked a cake. Dan, one of our new friends, as well as Dean and Jason. I think it went well. Then on Sunday, after Church, Michael and I met Bob and Brendan at Spice in Manhattan for lunch. So we were nearly able to see all our friends for Mike's Birthday, 'cept Empy, Kim, Josh, and Albert who were unable to make it...all had good excuses.

Well that is all for now.

Disolving Diocesan Bonds

Dear Jack,

Well it looks like it is nearing the time where it will be necessary for me to disolve my bonds to the Diocese of Atlanta. It looks like the process is at an end with the possible chance that I may be allowed to return to Atlanta for further discernment. Since I cannot go to Atlanta, I will probably be let go from the process and allowed to pursue it up here, where I can start from scratch in the discernment process.

It seems like a pitty that a professor or two and some caniving students (now priests) could lead me to such reversal in my process. Ironically, I feel glad to start over up here, and look forward to the process--not so much to see if I feel called but to re-validate a calling I have felt all along.

It is Ash Wednesday, and now begins Lent. My prayers are to find some way to accept he situation without any bitterness towards those that prompted it. Indeed not the Bishop, for I hold nothing against him except a dormancy in communication--he is making what he can out of a situation that has been handed to him--more the students and professors involved, who I hope had no idea of the consequences to me.

This is no end, this is only the beginning of a new chapter. And I still have high hopes.

Church Sweet Church

Dear Jack,

Well yesterday, Michael and I were welcomed officially to the community at St. Bart's on Park Avenue. This came on a long day where St. Bart's Singers joined the Choiristers and St. Bart's Choir to sing a Missa Brevis by Mozart too. Bob and Dean came also. After the service Bob and one of our choir friends named Michael joined us for lunch. We ate at a mediocre diner on 2nd Ave.

After eating and having a good time talking, Michael and I went with Bob to a Barnes and Noble and hung out there for about two hours. I ended up purchasing an Are You Being Served DVD.

Dean had a friend (also named Michael) come into town. I didn't care for him, as he seemed to want to slut around. He asked me for some justification for his "lifestyle", apparently equating being gay with being a sleazy person. I told him to look at the Bible and see if it addresses Monogamous, Loving, relationships between men. I sort of avoided the answer he was looking for, because there is no way I can or would justify sleeping around as appropriate and condoned lifestyle for anyone, gay or straight. This Michael took Dean to a bathouse and to a private viewing section of a porno store and didn't understand why Dean did not want to do anything there. He did not get that Dean has standards and is not about sleeping around--he doesn't get that there are many other gay men who want to have a Real relationship--not just one-night stands and mindless casual sex with strangers. I'm proud of Dean, although I wouldn't expect any less from him. He has a good heart and a good head on his shoulders. This Michael also further disgusted me when we learned he has a boyfriend to boot. He says he wants to move here, but I hope he does not.

I tend to be a rather tolerant person, especially with regards to other people's misbehavior. I have no respect for infidelity, and a bankrupt stockpile of sympathy for the unfaithful. I do not think that sleeping around is safe, healthy (spiritually, emotionally, physically), or condonable. That being said, I do understand some of the many reasons that cause people to do it. Regardless, when in a relationship with someone one should be faithful--Gay or Straight.

In the end it hurts the movement for Gay Marriage with infidelity. The same is true of heterosexuals who are unfaithful--it is a mockery of marriage too. And indeed those who are the men and women slept with--what do you think you are going to get out of it? If the person could not be faithful with the one, what makes you think they will be faithful with you?

Not all relationships are meant to be. That does not justify infidelity--that justifies fixing or ending the relationship. Infidelity adds to the schism and emotional backlash between the people, and stretches thinly the soul of the one being unfaithful.

Mid Feb

Dear Jack,

It is mid February and I am still at 815. Looking at the work, I may have a week or two more. I hope to get hired through HR or at least placed here in another area. There isn't much going on really. Mike and I had a good Valentine's Day. I made some steaks and scallops, and he bought me some chocolates.

Dean is a joy of a friend to have around up here. This week he inspired me. Some people at the grocery store were grumpy--well bitchy is more exact. Anyways, he just says "You need to smile because God loves you and so do I." Now had I said something like that, or had Michael, we would probably have a black eye, but Dean said it. The lady was polite to him. Now it doesn't always work that way--the ladies at Pathmark apparently are not as easily charmed, as Dean did not get the same reaction there.

Ob la de Ob la da

Dear Jack,

It is the day before Valentine's Day, and I am blessed to be celebrating it with Michael again. I must admit that I feared that Michael and I would not be together this time last year. If you recall, he had not come out yet to his parents, and we had to hide our relationship from them. So much has happened since then, and we are open, and together and I am the happiest man alive.

This past week Dean P. drove up in a U-Haul with his friend Amy (cool woman). He found an apartment right above us in the same building. It has been great having a good and friendly and funny friend living so close by. I hope he doesn't get annoyed with us ;-).

This past weekend brought on a blizzard. I loved it--but then again I don't have to shovel it or drive in it. Dean remarked "I always wished it would snow up to my ass, I just didn't think it would ever happen." This was the biggest snow on record here in New York: 26-28 inches they say. There is also word that more snow is on the way. Yeah Winter--about damn time you showed up.

Prayers for Grandpa Hohne, Joe, Bobbie, Wanda, Tommy, and Jason.

Solidarity With Denmark

Dear Jack,

I find myself amazed at the current escalation in the Muslim regions of the world over the cartoons published in Denmark. In the fall, a Danish newspaper decided to demonstrate in satire "intollerance" in the Islamic world. To do this, they had cartoonists draw some political, racy cartoons that not only depicted Islam in a less than shiny light. In addition, some cartoons included drawings of the Prophet Mohammud. In Islamic faith it is blasphemy to depict images of God or "God's Prophet".

I repeat the reason it was done was to emphasize the lack of tolleration in Islam. Within the past few weeks, several other newspapers in several other countries have republished the articles. France, Belgium, Yemen, Egypt, Germany, Sweden, New Zealand, Australia, and the US---not all European, but mostly. This appearently brought further attention to the articles. What has happened since may be a key point in our history.

Several nations have withdrawn their ambassadors from Denmark. The Government of Denmark was asked to apologize for the newspaper's publishing, and to infringe on the freedom of the Press to publish such cartoons. Denmark responded with saying the cartoons were out of taste, but that the government could not and would not infringe on Freedom of the Press. AMEN.

Throughout the world, violent protests have broken out. In Syria and Lebanon, Embassies were burned to the groud along with any Danish, US, Israeli (how they got dragged in is beyond me), French, German, Polish, British flag they could find. Iran has issued a ban on Danish goods. Threats are rising, and even today there is violent protest.

I scan the newspapers and read the blogs and news agencies online and find pictures of burning flags and buildings. I see signs saying "Was 9/11 not a good enough sign?" and "Remember 7/7" among "Denmark will see the real holocaust".

What gets me most, is that this is over cartoon depictions in a NON Muslim country for NON Muslims. I cannot deny they were in bad taste, but it is not like they were posting them on the door of a Mosque. Indeed one might consider the many anti-Jewish cartoons that have been and continue to be published in the Middle East depicting Jews as blood-sucking evil people trying to control the world. Yet one does not see Israel or the followers of Judaism burning flags, and rushing embassies, and declaring death threats on innocent civilians from those countries.

One need not even mention the plethra of horrific cartoons and "art" regarding Christianity. I remind you of the elephant crap madonna and child. I didn't see any war like threats issued from the Vatican then.

What disgusts me the most is the disregard of the moderate Muslims by the fundamentalists. I think a Muslim should be offended by the cartoons, yes. I do not think they should react in violence and hatred. Most Moderate Muslims, I've found, agree, as they are protesting both sides of the issues. A quintessential image that comes to mind is an image caught on camera for CNN of two Muslim clerics trying to stop the demonstrators, being stoned by their own people for speaking peace.

Things are out of control.

What surprises me the most is the lack of information I am finding on either the GOP or Democratic websites regarding this. One would think that at least one of the two parties would have an opinion. We get quotations by rumsfeld from German papers about Iran and AIEA, but nothing of the cartoons. I found a quotation from our President that was reported as if it were a side issue saying that it was wrong to do the pictures, but falling short of showing Solidarity for Denmark and the Freedom of the Press.

What I do not know is the future. The Governor of New Mexico spoke of the pivitol place we stand, with Iran not cooperating with AIEA and the UN or the EU, with a terroist involved in the USS Cole boming free, with the Hamas in Palestine--I fear there may be some larger altercation.

I have never called myself an enemy of Islam--in fact I am intrigued by it. But I am afraid of some of it's followers.

Elijah Puss Day

Dear Jack,

It appears that my kitty in Georgia, Elijah Puss, has disappeared. He has not come home since Monday, according to my mother. I hope he is not dead, but only out too long. Mom is depressed about it. Elijah was her favorite among the animals at the house. Hallie, luckily, seems too intimidated by the outside to stay out long.

The Ladies Have Left the Building

Dear Jack,

Well today was the last day for my co-workers. The assignment is winding down, and they were let go. I, on the other hand, have two more weeks at least here, in addition Joe (my boss) is going to see what he can do to find a placement for me here, either with the agency, or some other way. I hope to solidify an appointment with HR to also discuss this, but am waiting on someone from that department to return my messages. I checked in again today.

I will miss Shastia and Alma, but Catora was mean towards me, although I am uncertain what caused it. Despite the fact I'll probably never see her again, I feel sad that Catora was mean and didn't even say good bye. To quote the old addage, "God bless them in their future endeavors", and all that jazz.

State of the Union

Dear Jack,

Last night was the State of the Union, given in its usual pomp and grandeur at the Capital building. I am not certain how I feel about all of it, as there was so much to digest. The imperialism doesn't exactly bother me, although many of my democrat friends probably did not like that. I found the initiatives for the decrease in fossil fuel from the Middle East very good--I only hope it works. I am uncertain what Bush meant by 'Activist Judges' with regards to 'Deigning Marriage', as it sounds like the usual crap regarding that. I wish they'd just let us gay people be normal rather than abstract "activists".

The Democratic Response was horribly delivered. I was more distracted by the Governor's lack of cohesive sentences and oddly raised eyebrow, that I could not take any thing he said seriously. It came across as "Democrats are Good, the Administration is bad, There is a Better Way, and it is doing what we did in Virginia". I don't want our government to be Virginia. That's not saying I am happy with the way things are run, but it's still better than a commonwealth state.

I was shocked that Caleb had not watched it, but he, like myself, does not like the clapping that continuously interrupts the speech. I wish they'd save their applause to the end.

End of the Month

Dear Jack,

Well it is the end of January all ready. 1/12 of the year has already past. It is moving too quickly. I still haven't heard back from Jeff C. regarding visiting Georgia with a Buddy Pass. It is sort of aggravating, as I can't plan ahead much and get Michael's ticket.

Dean will be moving here within the week. I'm excited about it, as it will be nice to have another friend nearby, especially one as friendly and funny as him. He will be coming probably on Thursday or Friday, driving. I don't envy the trip.

Father Dan is going to talk with the Bishop about finding out what all I should be doing during my time off, as I've still heard nothing from Atlanta about what my responsibilities and expectations are during my sabbatical. It would be helpful to have some idea other than "gain life experience".

Today is pretty boring--it is cold outside, but hot in here, and I am falling asleep as I work, bored out of my mind, and sick of reading checks and inputting data. I need a long weekend already again.

It is sad to note that Mrs. King died today. There is not much more to say to that, other than I hope the legacy lives on in the children.

St. Bart's has been going well. Albeit Michael and I have to get up at the crack of dawn on Sunday to sing in the choir, we both enjoy it. Last week we went to a parish presentation with a guy who claimed to have found "positive" insight on his "fundamentalist" background. I was disappointed, as he didn't seem to speak anything positive, nor share a common "fundamentalist" background. In addition he kept on labeling everything, and sat there smug, as though his whole life were hurt, and as though he were an expert on all forms of fundamentalism and evangelicalism. The priest, who often comes off as very liberal to me, even said, "We Episcopalians should be careful not to wrongly and arrogantly assume that we are better or more mature because of our understanding". And with that the speaker then said just the opposite, saying that universalism is the more mature faith. It was very disappointing.

Later that day, Michael and I attended a the LGBT group (all but one were gay men...most over 35). The speaker there was Raymond Bagnuolo, who was recently ordained in the Presbyterian Church being open about his homosexuality. It was very interesting to say the least. Mike H. and Steven from Choir were also there, so it appears they too are gay. I'm guessing only our section leader isn't. LOL.

Josh N. should be in town visiting Jason N. this weekend, and we are all supposed to meet up. I look forward to friend time.

One Year

Dear Jack,

A year ago (and a few days) Michael and I started dating. I cannot think of any time when I would want to have been without him. He is my true love and greatest joy.

Last night was Mozart's Birthday, and although I'm not a huge fan, not like Michael, I made reservations to Cafe Mozart to celebrate. The food was not that bad, not exceptional... but well worth it. Ironically, they celebrated Mozart's birthday the day before it...we couldn't figure it out either. Thus rather than hearing a Sonata, we heard piano jazz by some college kid with a chester-chester-child-molester mustache.

Being able, I had Vienna Schintzel and Sacher Torte with fresh mint tea. Mike had a champagne cream sauce covered Schnitzel and a Carrot Cake with a cub of Turkish Coffee. It was great.

I can't wait till this is our 50th year, and I can type about this here in this blog. (assuming computers are not obsolete by then LOL).

JOB

Dear Jack,

Apparently some places hire you if you know someone in the upper management. Other places find your familiarity with employees intolerable and tell you "we cannot hire you because you are linked to So-And-So". I wish I could find the first scenario. Alas, I've been denied a job because it would be in the same department as Michael. It doesn't matter that they are desperate for help, or that I am more than qualified, nor that Michael and I are not yet partners. We are too close for comfort apparently. And thus I still have no decent job, and soon will be moved from this assignment.

The New World Review

Dear Jack,

Here's my review of The New World:

I just got back from this movie. I liked it and Michael did not. The worst part of the movie is the length and lack of editorial skills by the Editor. It dragged on for two and a half hours to tell a story that could have been done in an hour and a half if not less.

Although it was very historically correct, it lacked the ability to engage the audience into caring about it.

I am uncertain why, but they never mention the name Pocahontas except in the ending credits. Neither do they mention John Rolfe, although he is one of the main figures. The only clearly named person was John Smith. The rest of the characters were left to those who knew the story to begin with. If you are unfamiliar with the Virginia colony, you will be completely lost as to who the people are.

What is sad about this movie, is that being so long and so unengaging, the masses will not like it. In fact, as the final credits appeared, the audience let out a sigh of relief that the movie was over.

Colin Ferrel did a decent job, although his character was never really developed, and he spent most of his time looking confused--one could make a connection between him and Russell Crowe and some of his movies.

The actress who played Pocohantas (I'm sorry, but I'm just too lazy to look it up) was exceptional. I only wish the movie were up to par with her acting.

James Horner should be shot for his atrocious sound track which consisted mostly of a chord building upon itself with French Horns to make noise.

If you are able to sit through long movies, with minimal changes in view, and minimal engagement you may like it. I did, but I have a special place in my heart for Colin and for Colonial America.

Two Helpings

Dear Jack,

Today Michael and I got two helpings of church. We sing with the St. Bart's Singers at the early 9 AM service. The sermon was sort of boring, a good message, but poorly delivered. The preacher talked about people realizing that they have gifts given at birth and given by the Spirit and that they are true gifts, not earned or worked for. One point made was that today's society has trouble understanding gifts. That we take our learned skills and think that a gift must be equally learned or earned.

After that service we went to the second service because Michael liked the music we heard that choir practicing for that service. Although I was a bit tired, and a little hungry, I agreed to stay. In a way it was good, as not being a leader in music, I find it easier to worship privately. We then took the tour of St. Bart's given to guests each Sunday. It was fairly interesting.

Last night we saw "The New World" staring Colin Farrell, but it wasn't that good.

Other than that, I have a mild migraine headache, but I am functioning.

Rantings on Phones

Dear Jack,

I am not wholly certain I understand the big deal people seem to be making regarding the government listening in on our conversations. Thinking back to the era of the 50s, 60s, and 70s sitcoms, I recall many shows in which the switch board operator would listen to the conversations of people. What was always the moral? Don't assume no one is listening. For all intensive purposes, I would guess people from our local phone companies could hear our conversations. They however are not given the charge by the people to protect the people.

So the government has to/has been/will be listening on to conversations...unless one has something to be hiding, what does it matter? I can't see President Bush eavesdropping on my phone conversations with Michael. Most likely those bugged, are those whom have some questionable character and for the safety of national security, probably should be watched.

In addition, people are so concerned about phones--yet on the internet it is very capable to see what websites and emails are accessed by an individual. So Mr. and Mrs. America, what are you fearing? What infringement on your liberties is there? Suggestion, don't talk about your plots to overthrow the government and establish a new world order on the telephone, and you'll have nothing to worry about. Seriously--people think that they must be the Hot Stuff to think anyone cares about their mundane conversations.

Anyway, enough of that rant.

Waiting Stinks

Dear Jack,

I hate this. I have been waiting and waiting for the bishop to contact me regarding my postulancy and what I should be doing, if anything. He has supposed to have been contacting me since before Thanksgiving, but I've heard nothing.

In addition I still have not heard back from General about my enrollment verification from them so I don't have huge fees to pay for my loans. Gladys was cold on the phone before Christmas when I last talked with her, saying she'd get it done in a week, but I've heard nothing since.

It feels as if the Church has turned against me, and I feel pissed... angry at Farwell and Porter for their alleged allegations against me. I feel very distanced and strained.

Birthday - 24th

Dear Jack,

Well yesterday was my birthday, and I was pleasantly surprised at how many friends remembered and contacted me about it. Thanks to all of them!!!

Well now it's Friday, and I'm at work, taking a "coffee break" and checking email and stuff. I'm not sure what Michael and I have planned for the weekend...maybe a movie, but who knows.

I may be going to GA soon to visit friends and family there--a person from the Church may be getting me a buddy pass so I can go for free. If it all works out that would be good. I'd like to try and plan it so Michael can go too.

Oh, Dean will 98% for sure be moving to NYC and living in the building next to Michael's and mine. That would be neat. It is good to have friends nearby. Everyone else in Georgia and Alabama and South Carolina should come up here to! We could change the world!!!

As my birthday draws to a close, I may consider the past year and write about it--maybe do an updated Spiritual Autobiography and compare it to last year's. It is interesting to see what sticks out more to me now, and what isn't as important.

Well that's all for now

Jobs Jobs Jobs

Dear Jack,

Well, I've applied for two more jobs with the Episcopal Church Center. I hope something comes of one of them. Not that I don't like temping, but a full time benefits included job would be nice.

Ehhhhh

Dear Jack,

I'm worried about Mike, and how he's feeling about his job. He seems very discouraged and unhappy. They have not hired him full time yet, and he wants it now. He has been there for 3 months and it seems like they keep on just delaying it. In addition with me having sore balls, and fearing that it may be cancerous, he really wants the job so I can get on the insurance.

Personally I feel pretty down too. I can't seem to get a job that pays here other than temp work. I have no benefits, and am at the will of a company that has no reason to hire me.

I feel sort of lonely from the Church, as no one contacts me from the diocese at all. It has been over a month and a half that I've been waiting for the bishop to reply or respond. If I am out of the process I wish I knew. That way I can work on something else here with this bishop.

I am hopeful that things at St. Bart's will go somewhere, but still fear that Jim Farwell is too closely associated with the church.

I used to find hope and support from the church, but now in a spiritual desert, the church is far away.

Michael suggests leaving, but I know of no other place to go. I want to fight and make things good again. I want to show that I am not a looser, and that I did nothing wrong. I want to be a priest in the Church, and specifically in the Episcopal Church. That has been my calling for too long for me to ignore it and move to some non-liturgical Christian communion.

Forward from Tommy

MARTHA'S PRAYER

_________________________

Matthew 5:43-48 (NRSV)

[Jesus said,] "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

_________________________

A gentle answer turns away wrath.

- Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

_________________________

My boss was becoming more hateful every day. Many nights I left the office in tears. One evening, I asked my prayer group to join me in praying for God to change my boss into a kind person. Martha surprised me by saying, "I can't pray that prayer. But I will pray for you to love her just as she is."

I wanted to argue that she didn't understand how mean my boss was. But I agreed, weakly, to pray as she had said she would. Though I dreaded going to work the next day, my heart felt lighter than it had in many months.

God answered our prayers and gave me the grace to love my boss. We never became close friends, but as my responses toward her became gentler and warmer, she began to tell me about some of her personal struggles. Months later when she was transferred, many sighed with relief; but I felt sadness. The unbelievable had happened! God had helped me love someone I found unlovable.

Since that experience I have prayed Martha's prayer many times about other people. I will forever be grateful to her for teaching me that God works the change in me first; then my example may cause others to change.

PRAYER:

God, show us how to love the unlovely today. Help us to love others as you love them - just as they are. Amen.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

For whom do I need to pray Martha's prayer?

-- Gerrie Grimsley (Tennessee, U.S.A.)

PRAYER FOCUS:

Those with difficult bosses

SOURCE Upper Room E-Mail Devotionals, c/o Tommy

The Book of Daniel - SUCKS

Dear Jack,

I just watched the pilot for The Book of Daniel, and here are my thoughts:

This is about an Episcopal priest who apparently is a part of the worst family ever. Any and Every issue is present in this show from drugs, to promiscuous sex, to affairs, to euthanasia, to the mob, to homosexuality, to murder, to embezzlement, to alcoholism, and to depression drugs abuse. I find it a decent who despite the fantastical conglomeration of so many problems. I am curious how they will be worked out, and how they will develop the "Jesus" character (robe and everything).

Wonderful Birthday

Dear Jack,

Well I had a good day! Dean came into town; we got a computer desk for the computer; and Michael threw me the best b-day surprise party ever!

He was able to get Bob C., B. Smoake, Kim E., Dean P., Jason N., and Albert G. to meet us at Burrito Loco for dinner. I was a bit frustrated as we approached the place because I was hungry and tired. When we walked in and then I noticed that everyone was there, I about died of shock. I had no clue what was going on. None.

It was simply marvelous.

Well that's all for now.

Lions, Witches, and Wardrobes

Dear Jack,

Here is my review for Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe:

I was a little apprehensive about this movie, as I feared they would take away a lot of what I liked about the book. Luckily, however the director was obviously a purist. I found it to be a very enjoyable movie that followed the book very closely.

C.S. Lewis feared his books being made into movies because of the aspects of the animals. He didn't want them humorous men in suits, or puppets, so he saw no way his books could be turned into movies. Thanks to advances in CGI, I feel this movie captured the reality of animals and yet brought them to life as likable and realistic characters.

I look forward to seeing additional movies in the series.

Brokeback Mountain Review

Dear Jack,

Here is my review for Brokeback Mountain:

It is about time that there was an epic movie about gay men. The acting was not bad at all, and the story was one that many a gay man can relate to. The only critique I find is that it takes place over a period of 20 some years, yet Jake and Heath don't seem to age that much.

I highly recommend it, even though Heath's character reminds me of my an ex. (maybe that's why it seems so real).

Starting Over

Dear Jack,

A new year has begun. I think back to this time last year, and how I had just made contact with Michael online. I think back to how I was down in Georgia relaxing with my family, guest singing with the Church choir, in between semesters at General. Little did I know at this time of how David Barton would try to rip me off with my membership, nor that my Student Financial Aid would be cut because of a private gift donated to me by an anonymous benefactor; nor that in six months I would be leaving seminary and having to find a life. The biggest surprise, and best surprise is finding Michael and now nearing a one-year anniversary with him. I can't say that things are going too badly at all. I may even be joining a choir at St. Bart's on Park Ave. Life is good.