Vegas or Bust

Dear Jack,

Last week Michael and I traveled to Vegas with some friends. We left on Thursday early in the morning. We arrived first and checked in. Later that day Dirk, Joe, Stan, Lance, Matt C., Matt B., Bob, and Grant joined us. We stayed at the Luxor, overlooking the Sphinx.

We ate at several places including a bad Chinese buffet, several Mexican restaurants, and some other decent buffets.

Michael and I did little gambling, although under the influence of Stan, were able to make 200 bucks.

My dad and uncle also came to Vegas, but only coincidentally. We met up with them one night and hung out the next day. They took us to the old part of Vegas.

We visited a time-share promotion and got $100 for viewing it.

We got to know Stan, Lance, and Matt B. pretty well, and I'm glad for it. All in all this was a very good trip. Still I do not think that Vegas is the best place for me.

What really bothered me about Vegas was how straight it was. There was tons of boobs everywhere, and very little of anything suggesting that there are gay people, except for one gay hooker card...apparently the only gay hooker in Vegas. Matt B. made a collection of all the cards. LOL.

On Monday we celebrated Dirk's birthday at Isola at Treasure Island. It was a lot of fun. We left on Tuesday afternoon and came back to New York by midnight. I was upset that US Airways does not stock enough food for people to eat on their flights.

Proud of my Dad

Dear Jack,

I was thinking about my dad today. You know he is really a remarkable man, and I wanted to the world to know it.

He was born in Conneaut in the fifties. His family moved to Los Angeles when he was very young. His father was a drunk and very distant. My grandmother ended up divorcing him. In the process of all this my dad and uncle moved a lot, and even spent some time in a children's home until my grandmother was able to take them back to Ohio and her family. I have heard him speak about his childhood, and he has very little happy to say. He does mention happiness when he moved to Ohio and moved in with his maternal grandparents. My great-grandparents owned a truck-stop in North Kingsville, and he and my uncle spent a good portion of their time there.

When my dad spoke of his father at that time, he did not have much nice to say. It would seem that my grandpa Day was abusive in addition to being a drunk and in LA.

My dad married a girl young, and divorced her. He also was in the Navy for some time. He moved around the US, and does not speak much about this time of his life with me. I gather he was wilder then. I know he had an alcohol problem, as he mentions that as the reason he does not drink anymore.

He is an inspiration with regards to this, he gave up alcohol, and smoking with sheer willpower. I have heard of few that do stuff like that so determinedly.

He married my mom, who had three children already. Taking on the responsibility of three children is a lot. They've been together since 1980. 28 years! They have their times where they fight, but who doesn't. It seems as time has gone on, that has decreased.

I grew up enveloped in his strong work ethic. He worked hard and constantly. I remember when I was young, I asked him if he was going to take a day off for his birthday, and he said he didn't take days off. This is true. Growing up, he has always worked often on Saturdays.

He loves music. I often wonder if we were of a higher class family if he would not have been a professional musician of classical guitar. He knows how to play Guitar, Bass, stand up Bass, Drums, Harmonica, Piano, and can tune all of the strings. He teaches Guitar to various people as it is, and I wish he could focus on that more.

He and my mom are active in Cursillo, and he plays Christian folk music with various churches in the Atlanta area. He's very good at it too.

I know when I came out, it was hard on him. Yet he did not push away, and in the fullness of time has come to be very supportive and loving of not only me, but Michael.

Here is to my Dad!

Nostalgic Thoughts

Dear Jack,

I was home sick today with my migraine and spent 80 percent of the day in bed with a cool cloth over my head hoping that no one honked their horns out on the street.

I'm in a nostalgic mood. It always happens as I get over a migraine headache. I have often wondered if there is some connection between the two, but have no reason to connect them outside of circumstantial occurrence.

The points in time that preoccupy my mind are all in my childhood. In my dreams as I lay there seeking solace I see myself at our home in Ashtabula. I am floating through the house almost, looking intricately at everything as I remember it. At one window in the living room, I recall the number of Christmas trees I remember. It surprises me how much and how long ago I do remember. We moved to Georgia in January of 1988. I can distinctly remember 3 and possibly 4 other trees in that place...remember decorating them, laying under them with Thomas our cat, or near the fake fireplace with Zach, our Doberman. That puts some of my earliest memories at 3 or younger I guess. I wonder if that's normal.

My thoughts turn to the cabinet we had our TV on, and I recall the fish tank and all the fish, one a shark, that were in it. I remember be fascinated with the fish. Their tank was in a sort of carpet-covered shelf my dad built. When we moved to Georgia, the shelf went on my dresser and also housed a fish tank.

I remember how the couches came together at an angle, and Dad's had an orange knit blanket that used to hang over the back. I'd pretend it was my tent. I remember sitting on the top of the couch shaking my head back-and-forth. I do not know why, but I used to, and very occasionally, will rock my head back and forth in a "no" motion. It would relax me. I remember I used to go to bed doing that. When we'd ride in the car, I would do it and sing. My Grandma Hohne (Day then), never liked me doing that. I remember the first time Michael saw me doing it, and I was embarrassed.

I remember our kitchen, and how we had a table there, but we rarely used it. I always wanted to have a fancy dinner on it, but we couldn't use it because it was too cluttered or broken or something. But there is one time I vaguely remember using it... possibly making cinnamon apples with my Mom. That memory is flooded with golden light outside and the feeling of fall.

I don't know if the apples came from our tree outside or not, I think so. I remember how one branch was low and I could reach it. I was young for going outside by myself. I must have done it a lot. I don't want to suggest my parents didn't watch me, but damn, I sure feel like I was a little young to be out back or in the neighbor's yard.

Anyways, that's all for memories for now.

A Visit to Georgia

Dear Jack,

Michael and I traveled down to Conyers for the first time since being together.  It was a lot of fun to introduce him to my family and friends.  My parents hosted a cookout and Caleb, Kevin, Dani, Audra, and Joy were able to come, as well as tons of family.  It was a great time.  We saw the new Aquarium and the new World of Coca Cola Museum.  Michael also got to see St. Simon's.  All in all, one of the best trips home I've had.

Getting Around to It

Dear Jack,

So yeah, it's been a while.

The year was decent. I worked at Amalgamated Bank as a temp from March till October. Then I was hired permanently at the Bank. It was a very nice job...great people to work with. I will miss them, as I am starting a new job with the Episcopal Migration Ministries. It looks to be a very promising job--at least I will have some part of helping others. Not that checking the balance of an account doesn't help people...it's just that it does not necessarily change the whole life of someone.

Mom and Dad came up for Thanksgiving. That was great! Dad has really come to with Mike. It is great.

This Christmas could have been better, as our apartment was invaded by bed bugs. Luckily, we conquered them after 5 treatments and an argument with our landlord.

Let's see... what else. I think that's it for now.

A Visit from Mom and Dad

Grandpa Part II

Dear Jack,

Well this past weekend I flew to Ohio to attend my Grandpa Hohne's memorial service. It was a very pleasant weekend over all--in a manner befitting the memory of a great man. My Dad, Uncle Mike, and nephew Kris sang a prelude of music before the service, as well as How Great Thou Art at the end of the service. My Uncle John gave the eulogy, and it was very touching. After the service, we all went to the cemetery where there was a military salute to Grandpa by the VFW of Geneva OH. Following that, we all went to St. Joseph's Catholic Church to use their parish hall for a reception. It was good to see everyone there, and to share in the food with the family.

After that, the immediate family went back to my Grandma's house to talk and relax. I was happy that my brothers Kris and Lee were able to come, and my nephew Kris. After my Aunt Candy, my uncles, and my cousins left, big Kris and Lee stayed and visited with my Dad, Grandma, and myself. This was probably the most in depth conversation I've been involved in with my brother Lee. It was great.

Early the next day, Dad and Uncle Mike left to drive back to Georgia. Grandma and I met my Uncle Tom, Aunt Annette, and her mother Madge for brunch at Lakeways. It was also a good visit.

Later that day, Grandma drove me to the airport. There I ran into my cousin Ron and his family as they were also leaving (only heading to Atlanta rather than New York). It was a very nice coincidence and opportunity to visit.

Despite meeting for the occasion of a funeral, this was probably one of the best visits I have had.

Amazing

Dear Jack,

I find it amazing how I apparently had so little friends in High School. Oddly I thought that hanging out with a crew of people in class and at school and yet another group at church, I'd have friends from that time in my life. Really I have Joy. That is it. I have tried to keep in touch with several from church, but tonight have been reminded that I really was an apostate to that crew. Jeff, Joe, and Rachel were the people I hung out with in church. Joe is the only one that is still an Episcopalian. Joe has started working on being a climbing instructor.

Jeff--I don't know much about his current life other than he is now attending a PCA church, will be doing Beach Project this summer, and likes a girl named Erin. Rachel was someone I had lost contact with who was an exceptional musician and usually tried to include me in the events and parties going on at the church. Recently I tried to contact her with her old SN, and she just seemed too busy to talk.

Well tonight Jeff confronted me about it (appearently they are really close cause aforementioned Erin is Rachel's roommate in college). He asked what it is exactly I want to talk to Rachel about, that she's concerned. And I was dumbfounded. I had no preconceived conversation in mind--just catching up and rekindling what I thought was an old friendship. Well she turns out to be too busy to chat with me. What the real issue is not that she's too busy, but she's afraid I will talk to her about my homosexuality. I know this as Jeff confronted me with that, becaue Jeff's parents and Rachel's parents (both groups which left the church), have kept too close an eye on their old congregation.

He was told that I "have really strained [my] father's relationship with [me] in choosing such a sinful lifestyle". Oddly enough this is not true. Even more oddly is that Jeff would know about my sexuality (or as he calls it "choice"), as he and his family had left the church before I let anyone else in the church know about it. He said he found out from a prayer group my Dad had been apart of...a prayer group that was supposed to be quiet about the prayers within--it doesn't matter when the prayer is about the sin of homosexuality.

It really agrivates me. I have no desire to be friends with my old friends I guess. They see me in the state they knew me in, and they add to it their own preconceived notions about what they think I am like now without even taking the time to ask about God's work in my life. Yet they are the ones harolded by the Conservative half of the Church as the "true Christians". I'm just miffed...time will heal this... and much prayer.

A New Year

Dear Jack,

Well I did not post much since November. I guess there's not been much to say. I went to London with Jason. We stayed at Regent Palace in Piccadilly Circus. It was not that bad of a trip. I was able to see the Tower of London, St. Paul's Cathedral, a concert at the Royal College of Music, The Producers (staring Nathan Lane), and go to various restaurants and bars and clubs in London. All in all it was a good trip.

After that I had exams. The exams were not that bad. I threw a party for my friends, but many were not able to come. Ms. Kim was the only city friend who was able to attend, as the others were out of town or busy. I also did a bar trip with some of the seminary people the night before I left. It was all good.

Back at home, my parents were given a couch for Christmas from my brother Kris so it wasn't until it arrived on the 22nd that I could begin decorating for Christmas. On the 24th Aunt Lucy and Uncle Darry showed up and helped finish things before Jordan and Kris came in from Kansas. Jordan has really grown.

Christmas Eve wasn't too bad, although Fr. Dan brought the maggoi to the creche before the shepherds. I sang in a quartet that night too. The next day we got up early, opened gifts, and then headed to Fr. Newell's church on the other side of of Atlanta. There Dad and I did the music, and he had me preach. It was my first sermon. I preached on the Incarnation, and how we as the body of Christ are now compelled by the idea of God incarnate, to take Christ into the world.

Then we came home and I cooked Christmas Dinner. Joe and Mike joined us. It was a good meal. This was probably one of the best Christmases we have had in a long time.

I made some online friends who many I've met now and one whom I sort of like. Eric, Tommy, Dean, Javier, Justin (not J-Lo), and Mike are the people. Mike is the person I sort of like. We'll see what comes of it.

I was also able to hang out with my best friend in the whole world, Joy E. R--d. It was sure great to see her. I miss her so much.

On New Years Eve I went with my parent's to Paige's house for a party. Dad started acting real odd. He didn't want to be there and made it clear.. VERY clear through "taking naps" and sitting in a corner with a frown on his face. I took him home and returned to the party.

Over the next week I met with several people from my parish who showed me their support. It is nice to know how many know about my sexuality and support me. Fr. Dan, I don't think knows, and I am not sure he'd support me.

Maggie died too over break. It's ok, but I know it is hard on mom.

I recently have read a new book, Angels in America by Tom Kushner. It was pretty good. I then watched the entire version of it done by HBO. I highly recommend it.

After finally returning to NYC I met up with a special friend for coffee. I don't want to sound to eager, but it was a great time. We sat at Chelsea Square for a good four to five hours talking. He is a good person, and I look forward to our next date on Monday.

Well I hope to update more often, but who knows.

AARGH!

Dear Jack,

Why is it that you can have a less than healthy relationship with your father, and then when they are taken to the brink of death, you realize how much you love them despite the conflict? You would think that if we were not getting along at all (as in rarely speaking with each other), if my dad were to be near death, then I would be unmoved by this. Rather I am finding myself drawn to the opposite of this.

Yesterday my dad had a seizure while driving his truck. He appearently got into a bad wreck, he survived and the truck is ok. He refuses to go to the hospital regarding any injuries from the accident, but also regardless of the fact he had a fucking SEIZURE. His main reason for not going is because my family doesn't have health insurance. We can't afford a decent health insurance, and because my father is self-employed, he does not get benefits through work. Thus any small sickness or injury is a big deal if the hospital is concerned. If they treat us, the bills are so astronomical that we are virtually unable to pay. My mother was the last person to go into the hospital, and that was for cancer. We had to file for bankruptcy afterwords because we don't make in seven years what the bills cost for the two days she was in the hospital.

All that in mind, my dad is refusing to seek treatment. This year has already been a bad one financially. Surprisingly my family has had to contribute little to nothing (litterally under 100 dollars) to me being here in NYC. Still they are barely able to stay afloat. My dad installs flooring for a living. In the recession which has followed 2001, my dad's industry has been hard hit. No new homes, and few renovations means no work. Add that to the high taxes for a self-employed person and having to cover any insurance (this is not health insurance mind you, it's just work insurance and workers compensation).

I don't know what to do. I have chapel now. I am sad. I am mad. I am so many things.

Big Fish and Troy

Dear Jack,

So let's see... Last night I watched Big Fish with Mom. It was pretty good, but very random... which is to be expected from Burton. I liked it, especially Ewan McGreggor, the hottie of the week in my book-- well till he got dethroned this afternoon. Yes, this afternoon I went to see Troy. I shall now take this time to preach.

:: preaching voice :: Please do not think me too bold in saying, leave your brats at home when you go to a movie based on war. Having babies and toddlers watch a naked Brad Pitt kill fifty men in single hand combat is not something they should be watching at that age. In addition to subjecting kids to a PG-13/R level movie who are under 2 years old, they tend to get restless and whiny, and CRY. This takes away from the viewing enjoyment for the poor saps around you. I understand you couldn't find a freaking babysitter... wait till it comes out in the movie store... don't subject us to your bad luck and the spreading of your legs. :: OK TOO HARSH I KNOW ::

Almost as bad as having a kid cry throughout the movie was having this elderly couple and their gay black friend talk the entire time. The elderly woman... who reminds me of my friend Joy's mother, Wanda... felt she needed to ask who each person was three or four times each time they appeared on screen. I know there are a lot of major characters played by a lot of major actors, but this is not Cinema 101. This is a presentation with an audience. The black man who accompanied the old couple was obviously gay, as he and the old white woman kept commenting on how nice Brad Pitt's arms and ass were. Yes... there is a lot of Brad Pitt shown in the movie. Yes, he is definitely hot and I would die if ever I met him... but still. SHUT UP and watch in silence. It takes away from fantasizing when there are old people talking. GRRRRR.

About the movie... It was well presented, however I do not know how accurate it was based on the literature of the time about it. I did think they had a hard time trying to present it in the wake of Lord of the Rings. One only needs to realize that what happened in Troy actually happened whereas Mordor did not. I will complain that they could have developed some characters a little fuller. Hector was probably the most developed, then Achilies. Paris and Helen were not very well developed. The King of Troy... yeah he was good role placement. I think, but am not sure that he is the same guy who was Edward Longshankes. Boromir and Legollas make appearances in the movie of course -- I guess poor Orlando will always be put behind a bow. The dude playing Boromir plays King Odysseus. I also thought that any CGI was very well hidden and believable.

Oh.. last complaint. The damned movie theatre stopped the damn film before the credits!!! I was very upset. I actually complained. They gave me the excuses, "the projector must have got too hot." There are two projectors used, and besides that the movie was not so long that that could happen. Just tell me you didn't think it was important, or you messed up... don't lie to me.

After the movie, I went to Shoe Carnival and had a blast. I bought three pairs of shoes, all Sketchers. I got a dressy shoe, sandals, and some dark workshoes/casual shoes. I then came home and fixed some steaks for my dad and I. I also decided to try a low carb pudding I found at Kroger. It was pretty good.

1996 Olympics

Dear Jack,

I have no clue who is taking the picture.  Grandpa Pease had come down for the Olympics, and we all got together.  I attended several baseball games, and also sat at St. Simon's with their hospitality booth.