Big Fish and Troy

Dear Jack,

So let's see... Last night I watched Big Fish with Mom. It was pretty good, but very random... which is to be expected from Burton. I liked it, especially Ewan McGreggor, the hottie of the week in my book-- well till he got dethroned this afternoon. Yes, this afternoon I went to see Troy. I shall now take this time to preach.

:: preaching voice :: Please do not think me too bold in saying, leave your brats at home when you go to a movie based on war. Having babies and toddlers watch a naked Brad Pitt kill fifty men in single hand combat is not something they should be watching at that age. In addition to subjecting kids to a PG-13/R level movie who are under 2 years old, they tend to get restless and whiny, and CRY. This takes away from the viewing enjoyment for the poor saps around you. I understand you couldn't find a freaking babysitter... wait till it comes out in the movie store... don't subject us to your bad luck and the spreading of your legs. :: OK TOO HARSH I KNOW ::

Almost as bad as having a kid cry throughout the movie was having this elderly couple and their gay black friend talk the entire time. The elderly woman... who reminds me of my friend Joy's mother, Wanda... felt she needed to ask who each person was three or four times each time they appeared on screen. I know there are a lot of major characters played by a lot of major actors, but this is not Cinema 101. This is a presentation with an audience. The black man who accompanied the old couple was obviously gay, as he and the old white woman kept commenting on how nice Brad Pitt's arms and ass were. Yes... there is a lot of Brad Pitt shown in the movie. Yes, he is definitely hot and I would die if ever I met him... but still. SHUT UP and watch in silence. It takes away from fantasizing when there are old people talking. GRRRRR.

About the movie... It was well presented, however I do not know how accurate it was based on the literature of the time about it. I did think they had a hard time trying to present it in the wake of Lord of the Rings. One only needs to realize that what happened in Troy actually happened whereas Mordor did not. I will complain that they could have developed some characters a little fuller. Hector was probably the most developed, then Achilies. Paris and Helen were not very well developed. The King of Troy... yeah he was good role placement. I think, but am not sure that he is the same guy who was Edward Longshankes. Boromir and Legollas make appearances in the movie of course -- I guess poor Orlando will always be put behind a bow. The dude playing Boromir plays King Odysseus. I also thought that any CGI was very well hidden and believable.

Oh.. last complaint. The damned movie theatre stopped the damn film before the credits!!! I was very upset. I actually complained. They gave me the excuses, "the projector must have got too hot." There are two projectors used, and besides that the movie was not so long that that could happen. Just tell me you didn't think it was important, or you messed up... don't lie to me.

After the movie, I went to Shoe Carnival and had a blast. I bought three pairs of shoes, all Sketchers. I got a dressy shoe, sandals, and some dark workshoes/casual shoes. I then came home and fixed some steaks for my dad and I. I also decided to try a low carb pudding I found at Kroger. It was pretty good.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog

Dear Jack,

I came back to Georgia yesterday afternoon. It was a sweet flight on a real small jet. There were two seats, aisle, then one seat -- Very small. My Grandma Hohne lost the car when she tried to find it after dropping me off. I didn't' get the message on my phone till I was loading the plane. Back in Atlanta, my mother got lost finding the airport. I am beginning to worry about them ... not really... well sort of.

We went to Zio's Cafe Milano last night for dinner. Let me tell you how hard it is to find a freaking Italian meal with low carbohydrates!! I ate salad and pulled the shrimp and artichokes out of my alfredo linguini.

Today we purchased new cell phones. I have a LG VX3200 flip phone... the system is Verizon. So far I am much more pleased than I was with Cingular Wireless. Other than that, not much has happened. I leave Thursday for Kanuga, and I cannot wait. It will be nice to be back in the swing of things again.

A NOTE TO READERS: You are always free to IM me for a chat. Anyone can IM me even if you don't like what I say or what I stand for. I don't care. I am proud and content with who I am, and that doesn't bother me. Dave, a reader, IMed me. He is a good example of what to do.

Catholic, Charismatic, Grandmas, and Nephews

Dear Jack,

I woke up early and went to Mass at Mount Carmel Catholic Church. It was surprisingly better than I thought it would be. I came back and ate breakfast (yeah, that's how freaking early it was). Then I went to Holy Cross Charismatic Episcopal Church. I walked in and nearly all of the congregation started hugging me. It was sort of odd. Then I found out that my Aunt Sam was there... whom I had not yet met. So I sat next to her. Then I realized she had a baby, and I gathered it was my cousin... whom no one told me about. GRRRRR. Well then the priest came up to me, and noted how I bowed before entering the pew, and started talking to me about me being Episcopalian and how this service works. He didn't seem to react to me being Episcopalian. Then, just before the service began, my Grandma Pease, Aunt Sandy, and her boyfriend Joe (uncle to be) showed up. The service was like an Anglican service aside from the keyboard and tacky music.

At the time for Prayers of the People, he took prayer requests. My grandmother said, "please pray for my grandson, Jaime, as he needs to get funds for seminary." Then she pointed to me. The priest asked what seminary I was going to (in front of the whole congregation) to which I replied General Theological Seminary. He asked why I choose that one... with an heir of disdain. I said because I liked it and thought it would be best for me. He said, "you need financial aid, and we'll pray for it, and you will get it." I can only hope it is that easy. He then went on a spiel about how I need to be wary of false teachers there, and heretical teachings, etc.. I wanted to say, "yeah, but I'm glad they accept homos, like me." but did not. He then asked if I would be willing to have hands laid on me and prayer after communion. I said, "sure". "hell, why not" is what I wanted to say. And well, hell, why not... no harm could come from it. So they did communion and then I went up for it, and then they gathered like a cult about to sacrifice me to a pagan god. They laid their hands on me and started praying. Some started speaking in tongues. This was my first time hearing tongues spoken in person...above me... by three or four people, including my Uncle Randy.

Just before laying the hands on the priest asked if I had been Baptized in the Holy Spirit... well I thought that happened at Baptism... you know One Lord, One faith, One baptism. Apparently not so with them. He asked what I thought my spiritual gifts were. Uncertain what he meant... I thought Corinthian gifts and said "preaching and discerning of spirits"... I do feel empathetic at times. He then asked, "have you had any manifestations of the Spirit?". I was like... hmmm... I don't think so... I don't know... um... "no, not that I know of." He then said, "Well are you open to them?" "Sure"... ok then... and they prayed that the Spirit will move in me and manifest itself in me while I'm at Seminary. Other prayers included me hearing the Gospel, and boldly being empowered to preach it.

Here is where the strange part kicks in. For a brief moment, my mouth and tongue began to tingle. I cannot explain it. I do not know if it was me nearing speaking in tongues or if my lips had fallen asleep. I said nothing... the prayer ended, and he said, "You're going to be a priest, stay and pray over the others that need it." I did.

I was weirded out about it. I am gay. I know i am gay... they do not. I am very certain they would have not treated me the same way had they known. In their ignorance they gave their blessing and prayers to a gay postulant. They kept telling me to hear the truth. I do not know if what I hear is the same as what they call the truth... but I'm listening.

After that I went with that part of the family to Perkins, and I ate the best Eggs Benedict ever. YUM YUM YUM. Then I went back to Grandma Hohne's house where I napped until around 4:30... I was waiting for my Nephew's to tell me they were home again.

At 4:30 I gave up and took back Signs which I rented for my grandparents. Then I got some dinner... then I decided to try and visit my Grandma Maude. Maude is a friend of the family who I adopted as "grandma" at a young age. We have kept in touch constantly. I drove by her house, and figured I'd try and call... I looked up her name on Cell 411... and they connected me... it was a different number than i was used to. She answered and said, "come on over", so i pulled in the driveway. From her side she had just been visiting with her daughter Vicki when she said she would go home because maybe someone would call. She entered her house, and I called. It was a good visit. Much needed. We talked of everything, and I realized how much I missed her. Turns out she's been reading the Mitford series about an Episcopal priest, and thinks of me every time. She's known my calling since I was in first grade. She is a very open woman, and I commend her for that. We then walked back to Vicki's house and I visited with her too. Then I departed for Grandma Hohne's house. There I got the coveted call from my nephews. I whipped over to visit them. It was a good time. Their mother was out working. We talked till 10ish, then I headed back to Grandma Hohne's.

That's it for this long-ass post.

Nephews are Well

Dear Jack,

I went to see my Aunt Colette today. She lives in Garfield Heights. It was a good trip, and she is in great health for 95 years old. Her granddaughter may have cancer, so keep Erin in your prayers. She, Colette, does not know it though. I was shocked beyond all belief when I read her graduation card to me... my aunt gave me $50. Lilia, her Ukranian maid, gave her a shower, and then we went downstairs to a cook-out thing they were doing. I felt bad eating the hamburger because it was pink in the middle.

After visiting Colette, we drove back to Ashtabula, and Grandma went to a hair appointment. I took a nap, we ate dinner, and then I went to visit my Ex-Sister-In-Law Terry and my nephews Joe and Kris. They have really grown up. Kris is going to be a heart breaker... has the dimples and blue eyes. They've been getting into trouble. I'm told that mostly it's been Joey, but Kris too. Both are on house arrest for breaking and entering, although Kris swears he was trying to get Joey and his friends out of the house. Who knows for sure. I did have a good time with them, although it was Kris who spent the most time with me. We played Chess and talked about goals and life and stuff like that. He says he wants to be a cop, and is taking an joint-enrollment class on law. He says if that falls through he wants to be trained as a hairdresser. Hairdresser? Then he gave a "gay acting" display of how he would be... and now I wonder. He also said he's giving up on girls, he had one in middle school, and they just seem "too damned expensive."

Regardless he exhibited very mature discussion and thought. Joey did too, but was not as keyed at visiting. I don't think he has the patience to just sit and talk. He does look like his father, before big Joe gained weight. Terry was also proud to show that she got a degree in dentistry assistance. For a long time she has been working at this, and now she has something that will really move her forward. Joey is getting a job at Burger King in Ashtabula. All in all, it was a good visit.

Homeward Bound II

Dear Jack,

Today I woke up, ate lunch, and then headed over to my Aunt Sandy's house to see her and my Grandma Pease. There was very little conversation, as they were intent on watching the baseball game - Indians vs. Tampa Bay and the Indians were kicking ass. I had no problem watching the game, I just would have liked some conversation. I did get to meet my Aunt Sandy's boyfriend... I think live in. His name is Joe. He seems very hippie looking.

Around 3:30 I decided to trek back from Conneaut to Ashtabula. On TV was Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco. It wasn't that bad of a movie. We ate ribs for dinner and then my cousin Cathy came over. She brought her daughter Mia whom I've not seen in six years. Mia is working on her Masters in Ann Arbor... some field dealing with social work. Regardless it was very neat to meet them.

This evening Grandma Hohne and I got into an argument, so to say, regarding my email practices with my father. She says I should email him more, and I told her it was none of her business. Luckily we sat down and discussed things out, and all is well now.

Tomorrow I head to Mass with them at 8:30 in the freaking morning. Then I head to Holy Eucharist at Holy Cross Charismatic Episcopal Church. I am not looking forward to the second service. It is in a break-away Episcopal Church. My Grandma Pease, whom I am meeting there, has left the gold old ECUSA for it. Being Charismatic all they talk about is how wonderful the minister is. Well I am sorry, but the minister is not the reason to go to a Church. Ministers are human... they error. One should go to the church for God and how God is shared in a growing community. I know the minister has also spoken out against the atrocities of ECUSA and it's "heretical practice with God-forsaken homos". I am prompting for a scene.

Proud of My Grandmother

Dear Jack,

I was so proud of my Grandma's letter to the news. She wrote a draft and I fixed and modified it to it's current form. They read from it on the news. Here it is. The bold section is what was read outloud specifically.

Dear Action News 19,

In response to your question about how I feel regarding the beheading of a US citizen, I feel sick. I feel sick because I feel the beheading was done in reaction to our abusing of Iraqi prisoners, thus something we initiated. One would think that our military police doing the abusing would know there would be retaliation for it -- that the retaliation would be on US soldiers and citizens.

Another aspect of all this that makes me upset is the comparison of Sadam Hussein as an antithesis of our actions by the government and some media (not Action 19). The comparison suggests that we are so much better than Saddam Hussein. Personally I do not think his cruelty is matchable, that we are no where as cruel as his regime to even warrant comparison. I feel that the comparison was done to further political support rather than make an actual point.

I am not sure how to solve this, but I feel that there are several objectives we should follow. The first is to dishonorably discharge the people who were active in the prisoner abuses. This shows that we do not approve of such actions among our people, and that what was done was wrong. I also think Rumsfeld should step down or be removed, as he was aware of what was going on and let it go on. His knowledge of these atrocities in addition to having power to act to stop this jeopardizes his integrity as a leader in our nation. His leadership is not a leadership that represents America. The actions of those military police were not actions that represent America.

War is never a pure thing, never something that should be rushed into, nor something that one expects to go peacefully. Many say "kill or be killed", and that is probably true. However that is far away from "rape or be raped" and the other atrocities which have risen from this war and other wars. Looking at history, many in America were informed of similar acts against soldiers during WWII by Japanese. We did not do the same to them in reaction, what would justify it now? I just do not understand the justification behind it all, nor why focus has turned from our misdoings to theirs. Both misdoings are evil and wrong and deserve equal denouncement by both peoples.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Marilyn E. H...

Ashtabula, OH

Stagnant Ohio

Dear Jack,

Woke up around 10 this morning. I worked on financial aid stuff. I got turned down for another scholarship. Funds are looking bleaker, but i'm determined to go... so loans... here I come, at least till I can fill out stuff for the next year. AND I WILL. Let me tell you.

After that I went to Giant Eagle with Grandma and then we came home and I made dinner... chicken curry. After that we watched the news. Speaking of the news... Action 19 in Cleveland read from a letter that Grandma and I co-wrote. It was in reaction to the beheading of the guy in Iraq and the torture of the Iraqi prisoners by US guards.

Personally I think both were wrong. I think both sets of parties should be punished. I don't think we should try and overlook our misdoings because of someone else's misdoings to us in reaction. That really pisses me off. What we did to the Iraqi soldiers was inexcusable. What happened to the US Citizen was inexcusable. Both sides contain evil... and both sides have the capacity of good. There is never a black and white... only ashy gray and whiter shades of pale.

Ohion For a Week

Dear Jack,

Well yesterday I left with my grandparents on a trip to Ohio. We stopped at a villa in Westminster, SC. That was cool. We drove the rest of the way through NC, VA, WV, and PA before hitting Youngstown. It was a pretty easy trip, I slept a good deal of the way.

I hope to see my first Daniel... Daniel G... . He was my best friend till I moved to Georgia. I haven't talked to him in four years due to college and not being able to get up for a visit.

I also hope to see my other grandmother and my aunt Colette. My nephews are in trouble with the law, and I hope to get a hold of them too.

On a nervous note... I need to raise 12,000 more dollars to go to seminary. The problem is the majority of the deadlines were past when I got the information to apply. It doesn't appear that much help will be coming from Atlanta or my parish. That means I have to look elsewhere, and there is little else to look. I'm hoping FAFSA will offer some type of loans.

Yet as this door may appear to be closing, it is not closed yet. Furthermore a window may be opening for a Christian Ed Youth Minister position. That would give me time to raise the money if needed.

I am not sure how often I'll be posting, hopefuly more than not.

The End of a Perfect Day

Dear Jack,
THis is it... the last time I post at PC. I am now a graduate... I have a BA in Music. I should be excited and cheering. Sadly enough, I really don't feel anything. I don't want to leave, I don't want to stay. I just want to be, yet I know I have to move out now. I have never felt so apathetic about anything as now. It's as if it's all a show, and in a few minutes the credits are going to play. My family came here to watch this, yet for some reason I had greater honor with the friends here who came back to wish me congratulations. Justin, Karen, Mark L., and even Nate Price, the hottie from my dream... yeah they all specifically came up to me and congratulated me, and hugged me. Sometimes they never know how much a hug feels. Or how just being with someone when they are confused feels. I sit here, typing this out, and I feel moved to tears, as I know nothing is ever going to be the same. It's the end.

"And the woman did eat, and her eyes were opened. Through her tears she saw the beauty all around her. It was the end of a perfect day. Nothing was different, and nothing would ever be the same. It was the end of a perfect day." Steven Schwartz.

I Need a Youthful Haircut

Dear Jack,
This may be one of the last times I write in you from Presbyterian College. On Saturday at 10 AM, I graduate. I walk across the stage infront of Edmunds Hall, and join the alumni with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Music. I feel proud. But here is the problem. I need a haircut. I'm sick of this straight looking shit. I want a real gay haircut. So I'm going to hunt down someone to give me one. I'm told by Adam D. to ask to be made to look like I'm 22. I guess that means I don't look 22. I am going to do it though... although it may be post-graduation. It can be my rebellious phase... wOOt.

Tomorrow I work for Chellie for a while, then lunch, then maybe haircut, then bacchaureate practace, then dinner, then bacchalaureate service, then party, then bed..... THEN GRADUATION.

Painting, Disturbing RAs, and More

Dear Jack
Yesterday and today have been busy days. I met Mtr. Joye yesterday for lunch. She took me to Zorba's where we met two other ladies from the church. We sat there and ate (I had a Gyro without bread) and chatted about Clinton, All Saints, and me going to seminary. Then Mtr Joye set me to work with washing her paneling and cabinets for painting in her new house. She put a base coat on her daughter's room. I unscrewed more door nobs and hinges than I ever want to in my life. That night I came back to the room and decided to think about some news I had heard regarding Daniel W. . It bothered me, and James S. took me to dinner to try and help ease my confusion. It actually worked, and all was good. Then I came back and talk to people online... by two AM it was just Justin L. and I chatting.

Today I woke up, waited for a call, made some calls, and then went to Mtr. Joye's for some painting. I got primer in my hair, and all over my face. It was oil based... luckily I was able to get most of it out. The fumes got to me and I felt sort of high. Then I started trying to clean out the rollers, and got woosie on the paint thiner. I headed back to the dorm where I showered. Then I went to Church where I played the organ. Then I ate dinner, veggies and cheese.... yum. Then I watched a cool movie with Justin L. . I will be purchasing the movie if I see it for sale. It was called Room to Rent. Later on that night I went with Willie to Walmart. Now I'm back, and headed to bed. I've had a full day that these words only attempt to explain. And I am tired, and sore... it's from painting... damned ceilings.

WF Retreat

Dear Jack,
I just got back from the WF retreat in Charleston. It was pretty sweet. We had ten of us there, and we stayed in an old house behind Scots Presbyterian. Caleb, C.J., Josh and I rode up and got there around 4:15 on Friday. We waited till James R. got there before we headed out to shop for the weekend. Then we came back and cooked Tacos. Then we played Uno. That night I slept on the floor upstairs, and it sucked. The next day, it was rainy, but we eventually went for a walk around town. I find it amazing how little people can comprehend spatial maps. I can look at a map, then see the place, and not need the map, because it's in my head. I bought a pack fo Bertie Botts Every Flavor Jelly Beans, and nearly died on a Sardine-flavored one. Caleb however had the earthworm.

We then went to the market, and I nearly bought a Stetson hat. Then we walked around before eating at A. W. Shucks. Then we walked some more, ate some ice cream and hung out at the pier. Then back to the house, before it started raining again. I think we watched a movie or played a game, I can't remember. I slept on a couch downstairs this time.

Sunday we woke up early. James S., Buzz W., and I went to the Circular Church to attend an Iona service. It was pretty cool. Then we attended the Presbyterian church service at Scots. It wasn't as good, but wasn't too bad. The preaching was sort of shotty, and shallow. Afterwards we took naps and then went to the beach. Caleb and I constructed a sand castle, Avalon, as the sea foam surrounded it and made it look like a castle in the clouds.

We then came back and I made spaghetti for everyone. They all seemed to like it. We then watched Lost in Translation. It was a bit drawn out, but had a good meaning behind it. Then we went to bed. Today was simple.. get up, clean, and leave. I'm now back at PC for the week... leading to graduation. I'm nervous. I sing on graduation.