Congratulations Robinson

Dear Jack,

Today I woke up and took a shower as usual. I went to chapel and then to breakfast. I ate some cereal and a roll. I then went and checked my email. I learned this morning that Canon Gene Robinson has been officially accepted as the bishop elect of the Diocese of New Hampshire. I think this is momentous. I do not fear my own place in the Church. Yet I do recognize that there may be possible backlash with this approval. I pray that God will have mercy on all of us and will work through the fractioning of this body so that we may be resurrected anew and continue to feed His sheep. I know there is so much anger felt on the side that was conservative. I hope there is understanding and a willingness for reconciliation. That brings me to something that I think is paramount in our lives. Reconciliation. I want to revive it. I see so many places where it would be helpful for us to be in dialogs over this forgotten sacrament. In PC alone there is need for reconciliation among peers, as with any place. Yet there is also the need among varying groups such as COW and WF. I hear great things coming from the chaplain's office and hope that God will work through them.

This brings me to thinking about the life of Spectrum in the coming year. I am not an officer, and am unsure who our officers are... Grey Brooks I think. The best thing I think that we could do would be to move Spectrum under the Chaplain's office. Right now there is need of reconciliation for closeted gays and lesbians. And I know there are a few at PC. Statistically there are more than would ever come out even after leaving PC. Still there is a fear among them, I'm sure, of what and who they are. There needs to be a place of security where they can come and speak with non-judging people about this. I know that would have been helpful for myself. Yet there is not a place that is known universally on the campus. I think Spectrum can fulfill this role among many other things. Specifically if there are those who are willing to be ears for those who want to speak, then I think things will help. I heard Sheila Hill, before she left, discuss the possibility of something called Safe Rooms. The idea was to have a symbol that people could put up that would be used to signify that one can speak openly about homosexuality with the occupants of the room without fear of repercussion or exposure. T his has been something that has crossed my mind. In the olden days to help show that there was a stop on the Underground Railroad, people put lamps outside their doors. This is reminiscent of keeping your lamps burning to prepare the coming of the Bridegroom, if I understand correctly. I think using that symbol, a lamp like Aladdin's, would be a good option for a Safe Room. I just don't know who to talk about this with.

I went to class as usual. We had class outside for Psychology of Religion. I n the Inklings course, I had a very enlightening time as we discussed practicing through pretending on how to make yourself better.

After lunch, I did some emails and stuff, and then went and took a nap. It was so warm that I thought I was going to die. I have had to go to the restroom about 8 times today and this has not helped me feel cool.

At dinner we had duck. I was rather impressed with the orange glaze. Following dinner a group went about town. I got upset with Holly, blew up at her, and then left the group and did exactly what she told me to do---precisely what had made me blow up. She told me to either stop bitching or do something about it. And I got mad. And then I did something about what I was bitching about. I went to the Castle Tavern by myself. I didn't know how to react to going in by myself. I went to the bar, ordered an Archers and Lemonade and sat down to relax. I found that I couldn't though. I had been out of line, and furthermore the person with whom I was out of line with was correct with her damned advice which didn't help my damned pride.

I have decided officially to become a religion major. I think this will be the most stress relieving thing for me to do. Furthermore I enjoy religion and theology. I hope things work out well. Dr. Hobbie seems positive about this also, which is very helpful

Conquering the Castle

Dear Jack,

I woke up with a migraine today. I thought I was going to die. I took my Darvoset around 7:30 and around 11ish it finally felt like it was working. I woke up, went for a shower, went to lunch (Lasagna with beef filling), and am now typing out the journal. I will probably do very little today, maybe some laundry. I know I am going to try and stay away from caffeine for a few days too--as caffeine can make migraines more prevalent. I've been slacking in that area for a while.

Last night was probably one of the most relaxing nights in my life. Betsy Martin, Grace Mitchell, and I went to the gay bar. It was called Castle Tavern. We walked in and people stared at us as if asking, "do these stupid Americans realize where they have just entered?" We went up to the bar tender who wore an American flag on his shirt. We ordered our drinks and sat down. The bartender was more friendly with us than the others have been at the so called straight bars. This may have just been a fluke though. I had a double Archers with lemonade (That's Peach Schnapps). We chatted for a while. I took in the atmosphere. There were fans on the walls which rotated, plants everywhere, and pictures of men's bottoms. Thus there was a sense of sophistication that was not seen in other bars, yet a tinge of the risque. It was not very crowded. The ages of the men and women varied. I felt much more relaxed than I have ever before in my life. We chatted for a while, and then decided to try the other bar out. Before leaving we went up to the bartender to ask where his tip jar was. This allowed us to get into a conversation with several people there about whether or not it is necessary or appropriate to tip at bars in the UK. The Brits said no, but we ended up leaving the bartender a £.

We entered the second bar, The Jolly Farmers. It wasn't as nice as the other one. There was just about as many people though. I had a Tia Maria and Coke. We stayed for a bit, and then decided to head home. The girls are emphatic that they want to go back to the Castle again. I do too. I felt comfortable enough that I may even venture there by myself... who knows. I'm still a chicken. We stopped by a Kebab stand on the way back to college where we all ordered chips.

Back at my room, I read a little for class and went to sleep, not knowing I'd wake up with a damned migraine.

The Kilns

Dear Jack,

Today I woke up and led the morning prayer with William. We celebrated the feast of St. James, as we were in London on that day. I preached about faith and works and how they are like two blades on a pair of scissors. Afterwards we ate breakfast. We had class as usual. Following Class was Lunch. After Lunch we went to Headington to see where CS Lewis lived and where his grave is. The Kilns, where he lived, was very pretty, but surrounded by a large hedge. His grave was shared with his brother Warnie. We could not get into the parish church to see a window based on Narnian characters, but did see it from the outside. Following that we went to the Rose Cafe for Tea. Upon returning to C. C. C. we were all rather wet from the sprinkling rain. I went up to check my email before meeting the group to go to Evensong at Christ College's chapel. The Evensong was very nice, and I hope to attend again. Tonight Grace M. and a few of the girls and I are heading out to look at the gay bars. I am very nervous, as I do not know how to act, nor what to expect. I know nothing will go on, but I still feel nervous for some reason.

Guys Night

Dear Jack,

Today was the first time we had chapel. I played the organ for it. It wasn't too poorly done, however I feel I could have done better. Class has been fairly good, and I enjoyed them both. Afterwards we toured Magdalene College where Lewis taught. Following that, we went on Addison's Walk where Lewis was finally convinced of Christianity by Tolkien and Barfield. I must say that I began to think of my own personal journey at that point. I thought about where I came from, and where it looked like I am at, and where I might be heading. Following this entry I shall right it down.

Later that night, after dinner, the guys met to have "Guys' Night" mostly in reaction to the girls night was going on. We went to the Eagle and Child. There we discussed movies. We wanted to discuss more, but did not know how to go about an intellectual conversation. From the Eagle and Child we left to look for a place where they could smoke their pipes and cigars whilst drink. We walked around town and ended up at The Bear.

We stayed out till 11, then we went into C. C. C. and decided to "crash" the girls party. At the gate to the college, I was describing a story about Kevin C. and Allen C. which included the phrase "F-cking Balls". Unknown to me, a woman from another school staying at C. C. C. overheard me and commented, "does your mother know you speak like that?" Drew replied, "Yeah, his mother taught him." We were too late to break up the party, but we did run across a few in Alyson's room. We stayed and talked till midnight.

Drew is Cool

Dear Jack,

Reading is going well. I feared that after the previous night's mishaps, at the Castle Tavern may have had a bad reflection upon myself with the other males in our group. Until a point of clarification after dinner I had thought so for sure, as several had not spoken to me at all. During Dinner I sat near Ali. Across from them was one whom I feared was upset, or rather distraught. Rob, as he had expressed himself, was rather conservative especially if it was something that was "un-cool" such as homosexuality in America. The reason I say this is because he is, at least verbally, pro-drinking, into drunkenness, pro-pre-marital sex, & pro-pot use yet very verbally anti-gay. He, who did not accompany us to the bar, was in fact one of the more verbose against the experience, putting in cries of disgust and moans of horror at the possibility of a gay bar existing... let alone ever entering it. I had the feeling that the other males in the group felt similar (luckily I have been proven wrong).

In reading a gay magazine, Gay Times, I bought here, I learned that the National Gay Pride Festival was going to be in London on Saturday, when we go there. It said that around 60,000 people would be there. Figuring that people would not like this, I thought it best to give a warning... at least, logistically, so they could secure rooms for the night prior to arrival. Well, attempting to be funny, Rob made several anti-gay comments which were rather hateful and ignorant. I told him he was not funny and to know it off, as " I find such talk extremely offensive--- so please just can it."

Of course I felt I had over spoken my position. A group of us left to go pubbing again, and I called Drew to the back to talk with him about the previous night. Rob did not accompany us. Drew explained his reaction, as an over reaction. He apologized if it offended, and I did the same for the bar. He seemed fine about it, and said that he had been pestered by a few in the group for possibly being gay just prior to entering the bar. I knew this to be true, as Marie felt he was, and asked him directly. I do not think he is, least if he is, he hasn't expressed anything that makes me think so. explained his reaction, as an over reaction. He apologized if it offended, and I did the same for the bar. He seemed fine about it, and said that he had been pestered by a few in the group for possibly being gay just prior to entering the bar. I knew this to be true, as

We went to an outdoor pub called Checkers. Alyson D. was asked for her ID, as they thought she was under 18 (she's nearly 22). She felt insulted. Luckily most of us brought our ID's so it wasn't too bad.

Upon heading back, William B., welcomed us from his window. He came in my room for a chat. When I decided it was time to go to bed, he went to his room to discover, he had locked himself out (the doors automatically lock). Thus he slept on the floor in my room. I left the door open, so as to help keep any rumors at bay. The last time a male friend of mine slept in the same room with me, people assumed stuff was going on, and I did not want William to be a victim of that, nor did I want to go through that shit again.

The Castle

Dear Jack,

Our first classes were today. I am the only male in both of them other than the professors. Neither seemed all that bad, and I look forward to both in the future. Lunch was ham--yuck, and dinner was pork loin---ugh. We toured the Bodeline library today. Our guide wasn't great, as he kept saying "umm" every other word.... if not more. After supper, a group of us toured the pubs. The first was called The Bear. It is the oldest pub in Oxford dating back to the 1200's. We then went to the Hobgoblin. Finally we went to a pub called the Castle. Turned out it was a gay bar. I knew it was gay from the flag outside, but a few of the guys didn't notice. I think I am with people who are blind and unobservant. You would have assumed that there was a fire in the building from observing how quickly Drew W. ran out the door. He was rather vocal in not liking the place, which sort of pissed me off. I didn't say anything though. It does aggravate me how I am expected to participate in "straight" bars, but not a damned one of them can go to a gay one with me. I want to go back, if I can find some to go with me. Grace M., Ali R., and Buz W. have agreed to go back in the future... oh and Betsy M. too. I did my reading on CL in Mere Christianity. I haven't much to say about it, although it was rather easy to read, and helpful in places. He seems very sex-rolled and I am sure I'll hear something about it tomorrow--that and how horrid the bar was.