Loveless Maine = Godless Maine

Dear Jack,

It is bewildering to me; confounding me; degrading to me; disheartening and shameful to me for any fellow believer to do an action of hate in the name of faith.  We face so many who would proof-text their way into finding bigotry and hate in scriptures so as to justify and perpetuate their bigotry.

I am a Christian, and I do not hide this fact.  I stand firm with a multitude of others in the Christian faith who are aghast at what people are doing with Scripture to condemn and disenfranchise and justify a second level of humanity to people for any reason, but most especially because of sexual orientation in our current day.

There continues to be strong scholarship explaining the meanings of alleged anti-gay scriptural passages.  In general modern renderings of these ancient text reflect an editor's opinions rather than what the original Greek or Hebrew; many of these renderings ignore or modify cultural context and culturual relativity of these same passages; many of these interpretations ignore earlier interpretations that the Church or Judaism held on these same passages; and most egregiously most of this bigotry ignores the Greater Truth of God and the multitude of other Scripture condemning their judgment, hatred, and lack of respect for a persons dignity.

Not only do they ignore the passages that blatently speak against bigotry, they ignore passages that could be interpreted against their own sins and vices; thus also ignoring the parable Jesus spoke, "how can you regard the spec in someone else's eye when you have a log in your own?" or "Judge not, lest you be judged".

In reality, Scripture does talk about marriage.  It speaks about polygamy in the early scripture as being fine, and the contracts of Jesse with his father in law to "purchase" his wives through labor.  He even gets tricked by his father-in-law and given the wrong wife?!  Yet it is from this "marriage arrangement" that those of faith believe Judaism and Christianity flow.  Jesus spoke very strongly about marriage--not of it excluding gay people but of the problem of divorce and lust.

One passage that comes to mind is in Matthew, where Jesus even says there are people who are not intended for marriage.  He lists 3 types of Eunuchs.  Some are Eunuchs by choice, some are Eunuchs by function (snip snip), and then others are "Eunuchs from Birth".  To this day it is unclear what this meant.  Some say it meant interesexed people, or people who were born with damaged sexual glands, while others believe it may have been a 1st century interpretation of gay people.

A very interesting exploration of that theory is available here: Born Eunuchs.

Regardless, in not arguing semantics, let us consider one of my favorite passages of the New Testament--one that seems very sadly forgotten by most.

I John 4:7-13, 18-21:

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because he first loved us. Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.

I submit also the well-quoted passage from the Epistle of Paul to the Corinthians, Chapter 13.

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

National Equality March, PFLAG, and the Snare of the Fowler

Dear Jack,

There has been a lot going on.  It is hard to know where to start, or to note what is worth writing about.  I will start with the things that have been preoccupying my mind and urging me to post.

On Sunday, Michael and I rode a bus to DC for the National Equality March.  Michael was one of the organizers of the bus.  We rode down sitting next to Danny Dromm and Fr. Braxton.  The bathroom was horrendous, and I had to utilize it twice.

We arrived in DC a little before the march took off, and observed a rainbow above the city.  As the march progressed, our group broke apart, and it ended up just Michael, Michael L, Omar, and Danny.  We got to the end of the march route, and found Brendan and stood in the lawn before the capital.  While there Paul L. and David C. found us.  We all stood together as we listened to the speeches.  Jon N. and a new acquaintance on FB found us.  The acquaintance, Thom, recognized me somehow, though I can't imagine how with such a large crowd.

As Lady Gaga took the stage, we headed back to the bus.  We ran into some of the Generation Q folks and Fr. Braxton.  We were able to catch a quick bite, before getting on the bus back for NY.  We arrived around 10:30 and ate dinner around 11 at Michael's Restaurant with Daniel F.

The next day I met Daniel F. and Michael R. at Michael's for brunch.  It was Columbus Day, but also Daniel F.'s birthday.  Michael M. was contacted by Daniel D. regarding a hate crime that occurred in College Point over the weekend.  He had to meet some people regarding that, and could not attend.

That night we met at Tribeca Rooftop for the Annual PFLAG dinner.  We sat with the Queens Pride Committee.  Michael L., Brandon B., and Sebastian were also there.  Bishop Robinson was given an award by PFLAG NY.  He gave very nice words after accepting the award.  The gist was one of gratitude to the families that accept their gay children, and how they will never know how important it is to feel that love shown to the children.

That night a coup began in OUT Astoria.  Our treasurer declared that he was the true leader of OUT Astoria, and that one of the board members and his lawyer constituted the true leadership.  They had secretly to the rest of the organization and leadership, incorporated and listed themselves as leaders.  The letter was very emotional, and offered little explanation as to why this occurred, and it threatened legal action to those who oppose their coup or try to email the general membership using what they claimed was OUT Astoria property, i.e. the mailing system.

Yesterday, was to be an OUT Astoria dinner.  With the mailing system down no one was reminded.  With the leadership coup, it was unclear what should happen and who should attend from the leadership.  That afternoon, another letter was received by the leadership from one of the people listed in the coup.  That person expressed dismay at the other person's letter and actions.

I met with the person expressing dismay, and learned that this was a planned coup, and that the lawyer helping this was none other than my ex-boss, Yetta Kurland.  Ms. Kurland, and I did not end our relationship on good terms.  It seems almost too coincidental that she would take an interest in Astoria social networking when she herself lives in Chelsea.  I have a feeling it is connected to my open support of her political opponent Christine Quinn, and not only mine but Michael's and Dirk's.  As this coup, if recognized, would dis-empower all three of us.  Unfortunately, such politically driven coups have the potential not only to remove leadership, but to hurt the members of the group itself, and sows discord in a community that should be looking at uniting, especially in face of such evil hate crimes as have arisen.

This further reiterates why Ms. Kurland would have been a detrimental addition to City Council.  Her presence on any board in Astoria is one that will lead to derision of that organization.

One day the curtain will fall to what type of person she is, and the eyes of the blind will be opened, and those who are deceived by her fake persona will see clearly the truth.  At the simplest, I wish she would just leave me in peace and get on with her life.

Psalm 35

Fight those who fight me, Yahweh;

attack those who are attacking me.

Take up shield and armor

and rise to help me.

Draw the sword and bar the way against those who pursue me;

say to my soul, "I am your salvation."

Let those who seek after my life be shamed and humbled;

let those who plot my ruin fall back and be dismayed.

Let them be like chaff before the wind,

and let the angel of Yahweh drive them away.

Let their way be dark and slippery,

and let the angel of Yahweh pursue them.

For they have secretly spread a net for me without a cause;

without a cause they have dug a pit to take me alive.

Let ruin come upon them unwares;

let them be caught in the net they hid;

let them fall into the pit they dug.

Then I will be joyful in Yahweh;

I will glory in his victory.

My very bones will say, "Yahweh, who is like you?

you deliver the poor from those who are too strong for them,

the poor and needy from those who rob them."

Malicious witnesses rise up against me;

they charge me with matters I know nothing about.

They pay me evil in exchange for good;

my soul is full of despair.

But when they were sick I dressed in sack-cloth

and humbled myself by fasting;

I prayed with my whole heart,

as one would for a friend or a brother;

I behaved like one who mourns for his mother,

bowed down and grieving.

But when I stumbled, they were glad and gathered together;

they gathered against me;

strangers whom I did not know tore me to pieces and would not stop.

They put me to the test and mocked me;

they gnashed at me with their teeth.

O Lord, how long will you look on?

rescue me from the roaring beasts,

and my life from the young lions.

I will give you thanks in the great congregation;

I will praise you in the mighty throng.

Do not let my treacherous foes rejoice over me,

nor let those who hate me without a cause wink at each other.

For they do not plan for peace,

but invent deceitful schemes against the quiet in the land.

They opened their mouths at me and said,

"Aha! We saw it with our won eyes."

You saw it, O Yahweh; do not be silent;

O Yahweh, be not far from me.

Awake, arise, to my cause!

to my defense, my God and my Lord!

Give me justice, O Yahweh my God,

according to your righteousness;

do not let them triumph over me.

Do not let them say in their hearts,

"Aha! Just what we want!"

Do not let them say, "We have swallowed him up."

Let all who rejoice at my ruin be ashamed and disgraced;

let those who boast against me be clothed with dismay and shame.

Let those who favor my cause sing out with joy and be glad;

let them say always, "Great is Yahweh,

who desires the prosperity of his servant,"

And my tongue shall be talking of your righteousness

and of your praise all the day long.

A Visit With Alex

Dear Jack,

Last night I went to visit my good friend Alex.  He has had some major surgery on his leg and is in recovery. We watched The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green.  Michael joined us after work and we ate Bare Burger.  It was good to visit with Alex.  His new apt is nice, and it is good to have him in Astoria.

When we got home we watched some TV before crashing for bed.

End of September Update

Dear Jack,

Here's about all that happened this month.  I've been looking constantly for a new job.  Several other friends have joined me in similar pursuits.  It seems like I know just as many unemployed as I do employed.  Hopefully we'll all find something and soon.

I attended the Out to Work job fair, but the line was outrageous and down the street.  I doubt there were enough jobs in the fair for maybe 50-100 people.  Some exhibitors didn't even take resumes, but were just there to tell you to go to their websites and apply.

Sept 9 I traveled to St. Louis for IntegrityUSA's After Anaheim Conference.  We stayed in the Omni hotel in downtown St. Louis.  The trip was actually a lot of fun, and it was nice to get to know my colleagues as Provincial Coordinators.  We also looked into the possibility of joining the Welcoming Resources program for identifying welcoming congregations.  For the most part, I think they sold me on the idea.  I roomed with Neil, and as always, had a grand time with him.

I came back in time for the Democratic Primary.  I was very happy to learn that my ex-boss lost with only less than 1/3 of the votes.  I'm a Christian who believes in Karma.  I was also very happy to have participated in several successful campaigns.  The victories of Danny Dromm and Chris Quinn were the highlights.  Despite the fact that the lady I supported in my own city council district did not win, I am still very happy with the result of Jimmy Van Bramer.  I was never an anti-Van Bramer person, and I think he'll do a grand job.  I was very sad for the loss of my friend Bob Zuckerman in Brooklyn.  Michael and I attended the Victory Party for Danny Dromm in Jackson Heights, having helped hand out literature on election day.  It amazed me to see some of the anti-Dromm literature that was "anonymously" distributed--very homophobic, and outright lies.  I hope whoever instigated it is found and exposed for the homophobe they are.

On the 20th, IntegrityNYC had a celebratory Eucharist at St. Luke in the Fields, which was presided over by Bishop Roskam.  I was so grateful for all the people who helped to make it possible.  We had about 60 people...not great, but not awful.  It is a start yet shows the momentum we have to grown in the Diocese.

I have identified about 125 parishes in NY and NJ that are not yet Integrity parishes, but due to their policies and welcoming stances SHOULD be.  It will be my job as Province II Coordinator to help get them on board. 

Not having a job, I've found myself feeling reclusive.  Mind you, it could also have been the cold I had in the later half of the month.  Still, the idea of hanging out with large groups of people and being very extroverted seems a bit intimidating, especially since one of the first questions people ask are "what do you do for a living" to which I have to reply "I'm currently looking for a job".  Though, with so many people in the same predicament, most are understanding, and it doesn't hold the same perception that it did in the past.

My goal for October is to continue to push myself to be out there meeting people.  It will be my job with Integrity to do this, but also a responsibility as a leader in OUT Astoria.  Plus my friends are always trying to pull me out, and that really means a lot to me.

One of the biggest things that I have recognized is how wonderful and supportive my friends are.  There is so much love that I have received from them, and I hope that I can return it 10 fold.

Ghost Smells

Dear Jack,

I know I am on Robitussin fighting off a cold, but I'm having some odd experiences that have made me feel like I should write them down. I recently added a Peach Cobbler recipe to my cookbook blog, and as I was writing it out, I started to smell Vanilla and Peaches... very strongly, as if I was actually smelling the Peach Cobbler in the room. The smell was so vivid, yet there is no reason for it.

Similarly, I was reading a friend's blog about Mexican Lasagna. I commented on it because my Trailer Park memory of Mexican Lasagna had tortillas in it as layers, and his had macaroni. Regardless, I started to smell a very strong odor of baked cheese. It is so strong that I smell it now.

Obviously, it has to be something in my head... a olfactory memory... and yet, it is so real smelling. I decided to blog about it anyway, though it may appear that I'm just loosing it. LOL.

Loveliest of Trees - A. E. Housman

Dear Jack,

I am not sure when it was that I first read this poem, nor do I know why it popped in my head again this evening. Still, I enjoy it, and wish to remember it.

Loveliest of Trees

LOVELIEST of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.

Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.

--A. E. Housman

5 Years in New York: Revisited

Dear Jack,

On the 26th of August, it will be 5 years that I have lived in New York. I contemplated my time here and all that has occurred in this brief section of my life--some positive, some negative, and others still unclear. While I reminisce below, keep this quotation in mind:

“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”

--Frederick Buechner

Year 1: Fall 2004 - Summer 2005
When I arrived 5 years ago, I drove a U-Haul from Georgia by myself. I left early in the morning, drove through the day and got in around 9pm at night. I had mixed up my directions when I came out of the Lincoln Tunnel and nearly returned to Jersey. I was not the only one moving in at 9pm that faithful night. Marta from Minnesota was too. We were greeted by very few people. It felt lonely. Three people helped Marta M. and I move into our apartments. Ms. Wright from Nebraska, a Patrick (I think), and Alex D. I think in moving in at the same time, Marta and I bonded.

My room was at the very end of the close, and it was small. I had not realized how hot it would be, nor the noise that would come from the street when I tried to open my windows. My first meal as a resident of NY was at Frank's Deli on the corner.

I know I felt lonely at Eigenbrodt as very few in my class were living there. I was told they had not intended to have anyone living there other than borders, but somehow I lucked out. Most of the people my age were closer to each other on the other side of the close.

I was nervous and naive. I tried to impress people with mentioning who I had met while working at Kanuga. It was disingenuous of me, and purely namedropping. I do not think it worked the way I thought it would. My guess is I came off poorly or odd.

I remember classes being fun, though there was a lot of reading. Some classes did not make sense to me, one was a sort of intro to the Seminary. I did not feel like it prepared me at all, and rather it felt more like I was being tested.

In my first months I made friends with Smoake, Jason, Kim, Shai, and Brendan. Jason is one of my closest friends still... not that the others aren't still good friends. He was from Georgia and had recently moved to NY too. He also was a music major and gay and wasn't appalled by religion. Shai was the first Jewish friend I had. I cherished this because I went through a "I want to be Jewish" phase in high school.

I had migraine headaches. They were always a downfall. I had insecurities fitting in on the close, and felt that I was no longer a unique person. I was surrounded by others who were equally interested in learning about religion. I lost my niche. I tried often too hard to fit in or impress. It showed my immaturity. I wanted friends on the campus, yet didn't know myself well enough there to do so.

One of the highlights of the Fall was the end when I traveled to London with Jason. I acted as a tour guide for him a little. It was good that we could do our own things and then meet back up. This was the last time I've traveled out of the US.--mostly the last time I could afford it.

Over Christmas I traveled home to Georgia, and met Michael online. I also met Tommy and Dean online, as I wanted some gay friends in Georgia. This year my niece Jordan came with Kris and we celebrated one of my most favorite Christmases ever. For New Years, I attended a party at Paige H.'s house.

In January I returned to New York. My birthday was not spectacular, but I spent it with Jason and Shai. A few days later Michael and I met in person. We really hit it off. A couple weeks later we were dating.

The night we decided to date, there was a blizzard, and he was stuck in the city with me. His parents were nervous and tried to find contact information for me online. They found this blog where I had mentioned him as a boyfriend. The next day he dealt with the fallout of that. He was not yet out, and his family was (and to an extent is) conservative. We continued to see each other in secret.

I remember the spring not feeling bad, as Michael was part of my life. I do remember my migraines flaring up as they tend to do in the Spring. I also had trouble financially. My financial aide in the fall was different than in the Winter. I had not realized it would change so drastically. I felt very nervous about finances. I would call home to see what could be sent. Some times I ended up eating hot dogs all week because it was all I could afford. A good portion of the problem was not knowing the financial aid changes, not being able to properly afford the school, and not knowing how to manage finances that were so stretched. Yet I survived it. I had support through Michael and another friend Bob C. who I had become close to at the Seminary.

The summer I attended Bellevue CPE and had quite an experience. Paul Stenke, was tough as nails and really really helped me to find myself. I think he probably had the biggest impact on my theological outlook in my Seminary experience. I am very appreciative for it all. In the midst of that I was given a letter from the bishop calling me to take a year off from Seminary. It was not clear to me what the reasoning was.

It really pained and confused me. I felt tons of doubt and anxiety and fear. I blamed much on my migraines and feared they had contributed to this. I thought maybe I focused too much on Michael, or maybe was not cut out for Seminary. I flew to Atlanta and met with the bishop, my rector, and two representatives from the diocese. I met accusations that bewildered me, and were in themselves contradictory. To this day I do not know where some came from, or why someone would say such things about me. My finances were also a concern, and my migraines as I had thought. I had brought documentation from my Spiritual Director, from some professors, from Paul Stenke, and from friends to offer a case asking for me to remain at the Seminary. Unfortunately, a decision had already been made on that front. In the end I had the option to take the year off for reflection in Georgia, or to leave the process.

After much prayer, I choose to stay in New York and leave the process. My main reason for doing so was Michael. I was and am still grateful to Fr. Dan who was so supportive and pastoral towards me in this process. I also am grateful to Matthew, Stephen, and Bob who helped me spiritually deal with this process when I returned to New York.


Year 2: Fall 2005-Summer 2006
I applied to a temp agency, Winston Staffing. Over the weekend, Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. A day later, Winston called me and asked if I would be willing to work for the Episcopal Church. I had not mentioned I was in Seminary, but the rep saw "Presbyterian College" and didn't know the difference between the two. Thus I began working as a temp for Episcopal Relief and Development, recording contributions to aid in Katrina Relief. While there, I heard about a job at the Church Center, to which Michael applied. He has worked there since.

Michael and I found an apartment in Astoria, and invited several friends over in the Fall to celebrate this new chapter in my life. That Christmas (2005) was Michael's and my first Christmas together. He showered me with gifts...it made me cry. I was truly blessed. For mid-night mass we attended St. Bart's and decided to make that our home. We joined the choir and met Michael H., Steve H., and Karen who became very good friends.

In January he surprised me with a wonderful birthday celebration. Many of my friends were able to come to Burrito Loco for dinner. A month later my friend Dean moved in the apartment above us. Another month and we joined a group in Astoria called OUT Astoria. They were having one of their first dinners at Las Margaritas. I met Dirk who would turn out to be another of my closest friends.

No full time position could be found for me at ERD, so Winston assigned me to Amalgamated Bank. At Amalgamated Bank, I met Jane, Renee, Rose, and Valerie who were wonderful people to work with--oh and Mr. Federman: he was grand.

Easter was spent with Bob and other friends in New York. We focused on OUT Astoria more, and on participation at St. Bart's.


Year 3: Fall 2006-Summer 2007
By October I was hired outright by Amalgamated Bank. This was probably one of the best jobs I had every had.

For Thanksgiving, my parents came to New York and stayed with us. It was a grand time.

Christmas 2006 was marred by bedbugs. It was a horrible experience. HORRIBLE. It still makes me feel trauma anytime I see a spot on a wall.

In January, I was offered a job by Episcopal Migration Ministries. Those who advised me in the church thought it would be a wise shift especially as I sought the priesthood. Reluctantly, I quit Amalgamated Bank for this job. I really wonder how different my life would have been had I stayed there.

EMM was a tough job, but I felt like I was doing good work. I was able to travel to DC in May and met up with my cousin Myia. This was grand.

Easter was special for me, not only had I started a new job, but my parents and grandmother came to visit. They stayed in a hotel down the street, but it was sure nice to have them here.

What is telling to me, is that in this year where work was tough, it is harder for me to recall the personal stuff that occurred in life -- I guess too much thought was placed on work.


Year 4: Fall 2007-Summer 2008
In September Michael and I traveled to DC. That Thanksgiving Abigail and her family came to dinner.

In February I transitioned out of EMM, and I found a job at a law firm. I am not going to go into details about the work side of this time in NY. The basic thing is that my boss and I had different personalities that did not always mesh well.

On the personal side, Michael and I had become active in Integrity and joined the board of OUT Astoria. Michael became very involved with Queens Pride. Our friendships with those in Astoria and Jackson Heights grew closer and stronger.


Year 5: Fall 2008-Summer 2009
In August 2008 we decided to find a different parish and in the new parish, seek starting the discernment process.

We were very blessed to find St. Luke in the Fields. The people welcomed us our first week and their hospitality and good nature has never wavered. I wish in the fall and spring I could have directed more of my time to the Church, but there were other priorities.

Thanksgiving was at Abigail's place with Jon and her family.

Christmas was a little tough this past year, mostly due to financial restraints. We shared it with our good friend Daniel F. The spring was quick. Michael and I focused on Western Queens for Marriage Equality, as well as Queens Pride. I organized a contingent for IntegrityNYC to march in Heritage of Pride in June. This was probably one of the best years for Pride that I had experienced.

In July, I joined the unemployed. This is always a blow to someone's self-esteem. I have had much time for prayer and contemplation. This still stands out to me:

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

--Paul's Letter to the Romans, Chapter 8, Verse 26-28

The Present with Evaluations
Now it is August 2009. And I evaluate things as being so much better than when I arrived a green, insecure, immature, boy to New York:

1. I knew no one. - Now I am blessed with so many good friends. Most seem to be named Paul, Jason, Michael, or Daniel (seriously I feel like I have 4 of each!).
2. I was pushing my destiny. - Now I am letting things happen with my process. There is no rush, no urgency. I know what I'm called to do, and God will get me there in Her time.
3. I had no life experience. - Well, I have found jobs, been fired, been laid off, quit, been awarded, got in trouble, got raises, got decreases. I've made mistakes, goofs, screw ups, etc, and I probably will do more LOL. I just need to learn to accept them as they happen, and always try to improve.
4. I was alone - Now I have Michael who I share my life with. This is the biggest blessing of the 5 years. In the next 5 years I look forward to marrying Michael.
5. I thought I knew who I was - I'm not sure I knew who I was, and am still trying to figure out who I am, but that's good.
6. I believed that God had a purpose for my life - I know God has a purpose for my life, and I'm ready now to truly discern what exactly it is.

People told me that I was always a positive person, giving the Pollyanna side of a situation. In my own interpretation of myself, I think I've learned to shield that joyous side. I can't say, at this point if it is a good thing or a bad thing fully...feels sort of sad that I shield or hide the joy. I have noticed that in New York, I have found it much easier to ignore or overlook the positive things in life. It is almost as if it would obstruct the complacency and ability to complain about life. LOL.

In my next 5 years in New York, I want to regain my joyous side of life. Exploring the blessings, and seeking the positive outcomes of an otherwise negative situation. I've not found where complaint without action gets much done, nor pessimism or realism without action achieves anything. I miss Pollyanna in myself.

"Instead of always harping on a man's faults, tell him of his virtues. Try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. Hold up to him his better self, his REAL self that can dare and do and win out"

--Eleanor H. Porter from Pollyanna

Five Years Have Past. I am still discerning my call to the priesthood. I am supported by a fellowship of friends who genuinely care about my well-being, and who I genuinely care about. God has blessed me with Michael, and I hope I will always be a blessing for him. My family, though tossed by some tough times, still proves to be supportive of each other, and still is moving past familial hurts that are so common in all families. I'm seeking a job that takes my yearning for fulfillment and meets the world's needs, and I am poised to get it.

“In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another day just like today, and there will never be another just like it again. Today is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. It is the point from which all your tomorrows will proceed until the hour of your death. If you were aware of how precious today is, you could hardly live through it. Unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all.”

--Frederick Buechner

ELCA

Dear Jack,

So the ELCA has officially opened up the ministry to LGBT persons in committed relationships. This is great. Yeah ELCA and TEC. That's about all I got right now.

I've had some good interviews, and life is going great. I feel so free. It is amazing how much brighter the sun shines when the clouds move away.

Ents Marching Against Isengard

Dear Jack,

One of my favorite parts of the Lord of the Rings, is when the Ents, a peaceful ancient race of tree shepherds that resemble trees, upon noticing the destruction of the forest by the White Wizard Saruman, march to war against his tower at Isengard. Normally the Ents would leave the wars of man and elf alone. The image is moving, and speaks to the injustices of the world, and to those who would rather not get involved because they do not see how it directly effects them. It is not until they are themselves hurt, that reaction is warranted.

I feel also called to think about the march itself. I am not one who would every consider war, and I usually take a lot of hitting before I bite, to use an archaic image of a dog with mean master. Yet, now I feel as if I may be marching. To war? I hope not. To justice, maybe a bit presumptuous to assume I could ever bring justice. Still I am marching out of what I feel is indignant acts, in protest, and in assertion of my rights.

Now is the time when the Ents march, and I wonder if you yourself are considering the journey, and who makes up your fellowship.

Next Please

Dear Jack,

So Yesterday I was supposed to hear back regarding one of the jobs I interviewed for. As it is now Friday, and the job was to start Monday, and I have not heard anything, I am assuming I did not land that job. So it goes. I am still hopeful to find something, and will keep trying. According to one of the job seeking accounts I have, there are 6 applications that have been pulled for the next level of review. Any of those jobs would be wonderful.

Tonight I am making turkey chili and am a little excited at it. I guess I'll get the domestic bug out of my while I can afford to do so, and still under severance.

As far as everything else, not much going on. I created an IntegrityNYC blog and hopefully we can do stuff to update it and promote iNYC. We are also trying to get a celebratory Eucharist set up, but may have to postpone it till September. That is mostly, so we can raise funds to cover the costs.

Well that's all I have today.

The Search

Dear Jack,

I am looking for a new job, as my old job is no more. All is good, so no worries. I've been applying to stuff for the past four hours, hoping that as potential employers arrive at work and check their email, my resume will be one of the first things they see.

Michael is still in Anaheim, and I he can't come home too soon, but for us that means Friday. I miss him. A lot. Daniel F. is back from Nebraska and Dirk, Dan, Frank and I met him at Michael's Restaurant for dinner last night. It was good to see him, and he brought back goodies from a Czech bakery back in Nebraska.

Dirk and I also met up and saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I rather enjoyed it. I've read already how people are complaining that it modified some parts of the book. One person said that it was one thing to leave something out and another to change things. The reality, is that a screenplay based on a book always has to change and modify the storyline. There was nothing that was outrageous, although I had wished more memories were included.

They Came First for the Communists - Martin Niemöller

Dear Jack,

My old Program Challenge teacher Ms. Crooks is the first person who shared this quotation with me. She did a special section on the Holocaust, and I have always found myself interested in reading about this time in history where there was so much evil, yet still hidden hope. This poem has many variations because it was based on speeches given by The Rev. Martin Niemöller. He is quoted with not knowing for sure what the exact form was. The form I have below is the one that is commonly used on Holocaust memorials.

They came first for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I was a trade unionist
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one left to speak up.

--The Rev. Martin Niemöller

Favorite Quotation - 0004

Dear Jack,

This quotation comes from the Most Rev. Edmund Browning upon his installation as Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church in 1986. It is one that has been quoted often by those of us who are in support of LGBT full-inclusion in the Church. In 1991 General Convention, t-shirts were even created with this grand quotation:

This church of ours is open to all. There will be no outcasts.

-- The Most Rev. Edmund Browning, 1986

Special Date

Dear Jack,

Today we had 12:34:56 7/8/9. I've heard this will be the only time in my life time that we will get this.

Favorite Quotation - 0003

Dear Jack,

I have tried hard to find the origins of the below quotation. Socrates does not have any surviving manuscripts, and thus all we know is based upon other writers. The most prominent is Plato. It appears that the most logical origin is Diogenes Laertius' Lives of the Philosophers. Anyways here is the quotation as I find it, the quotation as it is rendered in Greek, and the common translation with which most are familiar.

I know nothing except my ignorance.

--translated by C. D. Yonge

ἓν οἶδα ὅτι οὐδὲν οἶδα

--attributed Greek text

All that I know is that I know nothing.

--common English translation

from Lives of the Philosophers, Book 2, Section 16 by Διογένης Λαέρτιος.

Favorite Quotation - 0002

Dear Jack,

This passage from John means a lot to me, as it is the basis for the Anglican Communion's motto. I want to know what truth is.

καὶ γνώσεσθε τὴν ἀλήθειαν, καὶ ἡ ἀλήθεια ἐλευθερώσει ὑμᾶς.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

--NRSV translation

from the Gospel According to John (8:32)

Favorite Quotation - 0001

Dear Jack,

This is a quotation that has stuck with me since I first heard it uttered by Fr. G. Leon Watts, my former rector at St. Simon's. This verse is used in the BCP as an offertory sentence, and it reminds me of my old home parish and my early formation in the Episcopal Church.

καὶ περιπατεῖτε ἐν ἀγάπῃ, καθὼς καὶ ὁ Χριστὸς ἠγάπησεν ἡμᾶς καὶ παρέδωκεν ἑαυτὸν ὑπὲρ ἡμῶν προσφορὰν καὶ θυσίαν τῷ θεῷ εἰς ὀσμὴν εὐωδίας.

Walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God.

--NRSV translation

from the Epistle of Paul to the Church in Ephesus (5:2)

Too Much Pride

Dear Jack,

This weekend was Pride in NYC. It was the 40th Anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. I organized IntegrityNYC's marching contingency. This meant that I assisted St. Luke in the Fields with the Eucharist on the street, then marshaled the volunteers who held the IntegrityNYC banner.

Our friend Neil came down from Rochester-ways to attend. It has been great having a guest in the house. On Saturday we had some friends over for dinner. It was nothing special, just some pasta, salad, and fruit compote. All in all it was a good night.

Pride Day was busy. I arrived at St. Luke's at 9:15am. The trolley they wanted was unavailable, and instead, a greyhound-like bus pulled up. We were supposed to kick-off at 12:30, but we didn't actually step off till 1:30ish. By 5:30 we were at the end. The weather was BEAUTIFUL. It was probably the best pride march I've been in. Midway on down, we picked up Bishop Gene Robinson who was visiting the Presbyterians at 5th Ave Presbyterian Church.

After the parade, we rushed to St. Luke's for the Evensong and picnic. The sermon was very life-affirming, given by a priest from Long Island. Bishop Andrew St. John and Bishop Gene Robinson were also there.

We had dinner with Mike M. and Demetrius at Cowgirls.

My friend Neil's blog has some good pictures: "Marching With Episcopalians" & "And More...Down Christopher Street"

You'll note the good picture of me and Bishop Robinson that Neil took.

Anyways in all the excitement, I've injured my ankle, and find it troublesome to walk. I even called in sick today as a result, and spent most of the day with my foot propped up and a pad on it.

NY Senate Coup

Dear Jack,

Today is the first day after the GOP coup in Albany with the Senate. There is so much going on with this that I don't even know where to begin.

So I gather, the minority party of Republicans made a motion to change leadership of the Senate, claiming a new majority caucus which included two democrats, Espada and Monserratte. In the middle of the coup, members of the Democratic majority called for the session to close, and it was hammered out. Most democratic senators left the chamber, after turning the lights out on the remaining senators. The republicans remained, claiming that one could not use the gavel to end the session in the middle of a vote. As a result, the republicans have claimed a coalition majority with Espada (D) as the President of the Senate and Skelos (R) as the Majority Leader. Gov. Patterson has said that he will recognize Smith as the Leader until the Senate can resolve the issue and confirm who the new Majority Leader is.

As a result, it looks like dealing with this power change will dominate the remaining part of the session. Now Espada has said that he will push to have the so-called "Gay Marriage" bill brought to a vote under this new coalition. It is unclear at this time of Skelos will do this or not. If Smith retains leadership, obviously there will need to be some time spent addressing this situation. Regardless, the sufferers are not the Senators, but the constitutnets and those who would be effected by the important bills still left to be resolved including DASA and GENDA, as well as Education and Landlord/Tenant rights.

It would also be unclear that if Smith retains power if he would bring the Gay Marriage bill to a vote. Many claim that Smith made a deal with Espada, Diaz, and Kruger to not bring it to a vote when they agreed to his leadership back in January. It is also unclear if Diaz, Kruger or other democrats will join the Republican-led coalition caucus. The NY Times reports that many have already been contacted about retaining their positions on committees and the stipends associated with them if they were to accept the new leadership.

There are several things that disgust me here:

• Billionaire Tom Golisano, formerly of Rocherster, now a Florida resident, claims to be a financial backer of this coup, and on NY1 said he would allocate as much of his personal funds as he deemned necessary to ensure the new coalition government takes charge. This type of wholesale purchase of a state government should be ILLEGAL. It is lobbying at its worst. It makes Golisano the leader of NY and the only constituent of the senators who are bought by him. Any senator who took funds from Mr. Golisano should be removed.
• It is very telling that the only two democrats who signed on with the Republicans were two facing criminal investigations. Espada already has been fined thousands of dollars for tax fraud related to his campaign financing, and for not disclosing his contributions. Additionally, he is under investigation for possible funds being funneled through a non-profit to his campaign. This is not to mention that he is being investigated for not living in his district! Monserratte of Jackson Heights is currently under investigation for a domestic violence case almost a year old. His girlfriend had charged him with slashing her in the face with glass. A few weeks later she recanted and said it was all an accident, and that she had fallen on the broken glass in his hand.
• It is not surprising that Espada and Monserratte would be shady enough to change their voting affiliation like this for political favors. It is more embarassing that the Republicans would utilize them to do so! What is worse, is that if this government is approved, Espada would act as govenor whenever Gov. Patterson left the state, or if he become incapacitated. If we wanted a criminal for a governor we could have just kept Spitzer and his prostitute.
  
• I also think of the many interns and office aids that may face unemployment as their jobs are changed because of this.

One wonders who exactly the Senators and Golisano were trying to help. Right now it feels like "themselves" is the answer. They should all be ashamed of themselves at least, voted out of office at best, and in a just world, charged legally for wasting the citizens of NY's tax dollars in this escapade.

Queens Pride 2009

Dear Jack,

Today was Queens Pride 2009. It was the 17th pride in Queens. I marched with Western Queens for Marriage Equality and OUT Astoria. Our groups were combined with a faction called "Bridesmaids for Marriage Equality" as well as Lavish Lounge and several politicians from western Queens. Altogether we had about 40-50 people in our joint contingency.

We were led by a friend on bagpipes Paul R. Afterward I helped out at the hospitality tent. It was a long day, and it ended with a group of us meeting at Lavish for the Latin night/Pride event.

It was a good day for Marriage Equality, as Parade Founder, District Leader and Councilmember Candidate Danny Dromm was interviewed by NY1 stating that this parade and other parades like it can drastically influence the opinion of citizens to call their senators and vote for Marriage Equality.