Christmas Concerns

Dear Jack,
Here it is, nearly Christmas, and I feel like it is no different than mid-January. Dad never got back to me about a gift for mom, so I bought her a watch on sale at Walmart. I had to do some shopping for Joy and my grandparents, and my Aunt Lucy. They're the only one's here getting anything from me. I wish I could give more, but I just can't afford it. It is hard enough to go through Christmas not getting what you want, but to have those you love also not get it... well that's even harder. It puts a sour taste in my mouth at Christmas. That things are all good and jolly for the better off. But I think about those in Atlanta that don't even have a place to sleep for Christmas, and it really begins to get to me. I am sure none intended on being in that situation, and really, how far away am are we from being homeless? My parents need $750 a week for bills... let's say we go a month of bad pay checks... within two months we too could be strapped and having to look not only for another place to live, but new lives. This month has not been good financially for my parents. I get by, but that's on the work-study I get at school. Unfortunately, I didn't get my December check turned in, so I won't get any money for Nov-Dec until Jan 31.

Take away money, and family is to remain... right? I'm not so sure. It seems to me that as money gets tighter, so does the tension among family members. Dad hasn't warmed up too much more than Thanksgiving. It's like a hell living in a place where there is but one person to talk to, and that's Mom. I am not sure about friends from High School. It seems that I have lost contact with all of them, least none tend to come and ask about me, or have kept up either. All in all it makes for a lonely Christmas.

I miss my friends at PC. I miss having people to hang out with. I miss Justin and having someone to share things with. I am lonely here and full of despair over the Christmas dreams that do not seem to want to come true. I feel like I am the character from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and no matter what I do, things seem to get worse and worse.

Tonight (Monday Night) we're going to start decorating for Christmas. My parents didn't even clean the house. I know when I was younger, when important people were coming over... or my brother Kris from a long stay with the military, we'd clean the house. What does it mean when I walk in and get overcome by the smell of barnyard from the pig... and piss from the damned incontinent dog?

I hope things get better. I hope Christmas goes well. Right now things have changed from a goose to us eating a pot-roast. I'm going to make the best of it though and re-attempt Yorkshire pudding. In the past they didn't come out well.

Well enough complaining... back to email and then dinner and then Christmas decorating.