No Dad

Dear Jack,
I woke up with a migraine and a back ache today. I think the migraine is from having too much coffee yesterday, as caffine at times can aggrivate my migraines. I should have known better. It could also be a development based on my stress levels. I have a few stressors, no more than anyone else I imagine, but sometiems I don't deal with them well. The main one is my father, and yesterday he decided he could not grace us with his presence at the Christmas concert. It really pisses me off. He supposedly had to work. As I'm sure I've said before, he doesn't work on the weekends, let a lone on Sunday itself. He just didn't wan to come up. Luckily my aunt and mother came up. It was nice to see them. I got the impression my mom had filled her in on Justin, as she seemed to act like she knew, but never said anything outright. I know she wouldn't have a problem with it, as she had a roommate who was a lesbian for a good while.

I've been working on papers all day today. It is my goal to have them all done by tomorrow evening. This means I will be fairly anti-social with a lot of others. Not so much with Justin cause I like making exceptions for him. I've already finished one and am nearly done with another. I've done all the reserach for the exegesis, and the majority of the reserach for the Episcopal one. The one that i dread is the God-awful boring paper about Plainchant. But I am not so worried, as the grading is very leniant.

I've let Dr. Hobbie know about my father. I don't know what he thinks--he's usually pretty supportive. I am trying so hard to not focus on Dad. I really don't want to think about home, nor any of the stuf that it entails. I want to stay here and away from that. I want to forget it even exists from time to time. All that I find there is burden from my father, and saddness with my mother. There is little joy or love in that house. I am still not sure if we're going to do Christmas or not this year. My mom acts as if we are, and Dad acts as if we aren't. If we don't, I think I will stay at Joy's house where there will be Christmas, and I will take Mom with me. If Dad wants to be a Scrooge, then let him do it by himself.

Dani's father is sick... something about tears in his esophogus. He needs prayers, as do Dani, Gwen, Ryan, and Jackie. I think Dani is taking it harder than Gwen, but I am uncertain. I do find it amazing that she tried so hard to hide her feelings of love for her father when things were going well. It shows a deeper character to her, that she's not as tough as she'd like people to think at times. My heart goes to her. And it took a while for it to do that, as I was taken back by her comment to me when things began to turn with my father, "Well you weren't close to him to begin with." Many assumed she said this because she herself was not close to her father, and I tended to agree. Luckily cloesness does not equal love. And she's hurting. She needs prayer and support. Thank God for Daniel Teska who is doing that so well.

Aaron had an explorative surgery done on his tumor. It is connected to the spinal cord in two places, and that could cause some serious dammage if removed improperly. The tumor is not cancerous though. And that's a plus. However the are unsure what it is exactly. Last I heard they are going to try and remove most of it which is not directly touching the spinal cord itself. He still needs prayers, as he's such a young guy.

I thank God for Justin. He has been a strong support in these hard days. He does so much which makes me feel so good and see joy in my life. I don't know how things would have been without him. I can only hope I do the same for him.