Shitty Anniversary

Dear Jack,
Today has been a shitty day.

I woke up feeling sick and grouchy, and then realized my bookbag was in GDH. I got to class, and then came back and crapped. Then I went to Springs for a coffee, then to World Civ.

In choir things went badly. First off, I was supposed to be rooming with Dylan Jordan on choir tour. We discussed this last semester. In turn I had to turn down other people who asked to room with me. Well, today they passed around the list for roommates, and he put down Jonathan Doerr. I was left to sign by myself. The only person who had not written down anything was Will Perry. There is a 98% chance I am now rooming with him for choir tour. I nearly cried as I felt so unwanted. I would have if I hadn't focused so much on the music.

Lunch wasn't that great, the company was good though. Then in music class we listened to Mozart, which wasn't too bad. I then went to work where I played Age of Empires II Trial, as no one was in the place. I also learned that there were to be 31 people at Soulfeast. Well I cooked for two dozen. So I became frantic. Chris Greene ran to Bi Lo and got some stuff to make the chili enough for 36 people. We went to Soulfeast, and 17 people showed up. So we had a lot left over. That sort of sucked. The conversation wasn't too bad.

I came back with Chris and we then went to the Radio station to meet with Justin. Then we had a Spectrum meeting. We had three new members. So that's a plus. We also had a visitor with Matt. All was good. Then I went with Justin to Willie and Erick's. It was nice to visit with them. Willie gave me a CD for Age of Empires II. I then went with Justin to his room to play games with the Em's and Richard. We played Scatagories.

I left at 10:10 to go to a sectional meeting. Mark Logan and I were the only two to show up. We did have a good conversation, and he has decided to join Spectrum. That is good. He has some very ambitious plans for SGA, and I hope they turn out for him. He's definitely a good dude.

I got back to the room, to learn that Will Perry called my room at 9:30 to cancel our meeting. He had too much to do. I don't think his presence is necessary for a sectional. In fact it is frustrating for those of us who are also busy with organizations and are not in our rooms to get messages left on the phone.

Then I checked the date, and realized what the date was.

It was on this date that Daniel Wetherell and I had our first sexual encounter. It was supposed to snow, and we stayed up all night waiting for it. Caleb and I had an arguement earlier that night, although it was based on miscommunication by Chris Greene. So I had moved my bed stuff to the loft. Daniel joined me. When it snowed, we walked around in the snow, and over to HP to check and see if classes had been cancelled. They hadn't. We came back and talked. He got horny, and I reached over and touched him. He liked it and asked me to continue. I ended up giving him a handjob, our first. It was a lot of fun and my first sexual experience with a guy... well with anyone. Our relationship changed from being just friends that night.

I felt bad that I had forgotten the night when I feel my virginity was lost, although I did not cum that night.

With everything going on, things have made me start to feel sad. I leave tomorrow for Winter Conference, and am unsure how that will go. Justin got frustrated with me on the phone, and I began to cry. Luckily I was finished, mostly, when he showed up in my room. He seems frustrated with me, and I can't handle it. I feel frustrated with PC, with WIll Perry, with Dylan Jordan, and with myself. I feel stuck, and trapped, and lost. I don't know where to turn and I feel frustrated. I know the feelings are temporary, but the thought of having to room and share a bed with Will Perry makes me want to skip Choir Tour altogether. Yet I know I would regret it. Hopefully Aaron Hemer will switch with me, and I can room with Willie. Hell I'd take rooming with Aaron and Willie, as a three person, if it would prevent me rooming with Will Perry.

I learned Mark doesn't fancy Will Perry either, and that makes me feel like I am not alone. Barron is too nice to say anything, and I have heard only a few negative remarks from Andrew, who is a sweet kid and doesn't like to speak bad of people either.

I hope things go well. I have a voice lesson at 10, and class at 11 tomorrow. I am going to take a shower.