Two Helpings

Dear Jack,

Today Michael and I got two helpings of church. We sing with the St. Bart's Singers at the early 9 AM service. The sermon was sort of boring, a good message, but poorly delivered. The preacher talked about people realizing that they have gifts given at birth and given by the Spirit and that they are true gifts, not earned or worked for. One point made was that today's society has trouble understanding gifts. That we take our learned skills and think that a gift must be equally learned or earned.

After that service we went to the second service because Michael liked the music we heard that choir practicing for that service. Although I was a bit tired, and a little hungry, I agreed to stay. In a way it was good, as not being a leader in music, I find it easier to worship privately. We then took the tour of St. Bart's given to guests each Sunday. It was fairly interesting.

Last night we saw "The New World" staring Colin Farrell, but it wasn't that good.

Other than that, I have a mild migraine headache, but I am functioning.

Rantings on Phones

Dear Jack,

I am not wholly certain I understand the big deal people seem to be making regarding the government listening in on our conversations. Thinking back to the era of the 50s, 60s, and 70s sitcoms, I recall many shows in which the switch board operator would listen to the conversations of people. What was always the moral? Don't assume no one is listening. For all intensive purposes, I would guess people from our local phone companies could hear our conversations. They however are not given the charge by the people to protect the people.

So the government has to/has been/will be listening on to conversations...unless one has something to be hiding, what does it matter? I can't see President Bush eavesdropping on my phone conversations with Michael. Most likely those bugged, are those whom have some questionable character and for the safety of national security, probably should be watched.

In addition, people are so concerned about phones--yet on the internet it is very capable to see what websites and emails are accessed by an individual. So Mr. and Mrs. America, what are you fearing? What infringement on your liberties is there? Suggestion, don't talk about your plots to overthrow the government and establish a new world order on the telephone, and you'll have nothing to worry about. Seriously--people think that they must be the Hot Stuff to think anyone cares about their mundane conversations.

Anyway, enough of that rant.

Waiting Stinks

Dear Jack,

I hate this. I have been waiting and waiting for the bishop to contact me regarding my postulancy and what I should be doing, if anything. He has supposed to have been contacting me since before Thanksgiving, but I've heard nothing.

In addition I still have not heard back from General about my enrollment verification from them so I don't have huge fees to pay for my loans. Gladys was cold on the phone before Christmas when I last talked with her, saying she'd get it done in a week, but I've heard nothing since.

It feels as if the Church has turned against me, and I feel pissed... angry at Farwell and Porter for their alleged allegations against me. I feel very distanced and strained.

Birthday - 24th

Dear Jack,

Well yesterday was my birthday, and I was pleasantly surprised at how many friends remembered and contacted me about it. Thanks to all of them!!!

Well now it's Friday, and I'm at work, taking a "coffee break" and checking email and stuff. I'm not sure what Michael and I have planned for the weekend...maybe a movie, but who knows.

I may be going to GA soon to visit friends and family there--a person from the Church may be getting me a buddy pass so I can go for free. If it all works out that would be good. I'd like to try and plan it so Michael can go too.

Oh, Dean will 98% for sure be moving to NYC and living in the building next to Michael's and mine. That would be neat. It is good to have friends nearby. Everyone else in Georgia and Alabama and South Carolina should come up here to! We could change the world!!!

As my birthday draws to a close, I may consider the past year and write about it--maybe do an updated Spiritual Autobiography and compare it to last year's. It is interesting to see what sticks out more to me now, and what isn't as important.

Well that's all for now

Jobs Jobs Jobs

Dear Jack,

Well, I've applied for two more jobs with the Episcopal Church Center. I hope something comes of one of them. Not that I don't like temping, but a full time benefits included job would be nice.

Ehhhhh

Dear Jack,

I'm worried about Mike, and how he's feeling about his job. He seems very discouraged and unhappy. They have not hired him full time yet, and he wants it now. He has been there for 3 months and it seems like they keep on just delaying it. In addition with me having sore balls, and fearing that it may be cancerous, he really wants the job so I can get on the insurance.

Personally I feel pretty down too. I can't seem to get a job that pays here other than temp work. I have no benefits, and am at the will of a company that has no reason to hire me.

I feel sort of lonely from the Church, as no one contacts me from the diocese at all. It has been over a month and a half that I've been waiting for the bishop to reply or respond. If I am out of the process I wish I knew. That way I can work on something else here with this bishop.

I am hopeful that things at St. Bart's will go somewhere, but still fear that Jim Farwell is too closely associated with the church.

I used to find hope and support from the church, but now in a spiritual desert, the church is far away.

Michael suggests leaving, but I know of no other place to go. I want to fight and make things good again. I want to show that I am not a looser, and that I did nothing wrong. I want to be a priest in the Church, and specifically in the Episcopal Church. That has been my calling for too long for me to ignore it and move to some non-liturgical Christian communion.

Forward from Tommy

MARTHA'S PRAYER

_________________________

Matthew 5:43-48 (NRSV)

[Jesus said,] "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

_________________________

A gentle answer turns away wrath.

- Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

_________________________

My boss was becoming more hateful every day. Many nights I left the office in tears. One evening, I asked my prayer group to join me in praying for God to change my boss into a kind person. Martha surprised me by saying, "I can't pray that prayer. But I will pray for you to love her just as she is."

I wanted to argue that she didn't understand how mean my boss was. But I agreed, weakly, to pray as she had said she would. Though I dreaded going to work the next day, my heart felt lighter than it had in many months.

God answered our prayers and gave me the grace to love my boss. We never became close friends, but as my responses toward her became gentler and warmer, she began to tell me about some of her personal struggles. Months later when she was transferred, many sighed with relief; but I felt sadness. The unbelievable had happened! God had helped me love someone I found unlovable.

Since that experience I have prayed Martha's prayer many times about other people. I will forever be grateful to her for teaching me that God works the change in me first; then my example may cause others to change.

PRAYER:

God, show us how to love the unlovely today. Help us to love others as you love them - just as they are. Amen.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

For whom do I need to pray Martha's prayer?

-- Gerrie Grimsley (Tennessee, U.S.A.)

PRAYER FOCUS:

Those with difficult bosses

SOURCE Upper Room E-Mail Devotionals, c/o Tommy

The Book of Daniel - SUCKS

Dear Jack,

I just watched the pilot for The Book of Daniel, and here are my thoughts:

This is about an Episcopal priest who apparently is a part of the worst family ever. Any and Every issue is present in this show from drugs, to promiscuous sex, to affairs, to euthanasia, to the mob, to homosexuality, to murder, to embezzlement, to alcoholism, and to depression drugs abuse. I find it a decent who despite the fantastical conglomeration of so many problems. I am curious how they will be worked out, and how they will develop the "Jesus" character (robe and everything).

Wonderful Birthday

Dear Jack,

Well I had a good day! Dean came into town; we got a computer desk for the computer; and Michael threw me the best b-day surprise party ever!

He was able to get Bob C., B. Smoake, Kim E., Dean P., Jason N., and Albert G. to meet us at Burrito Loco for dinner. I was a bit frustrated as we approached the place because I was hungry and tired. When we walked in and then I noticed that everyone was there, I about died of shock. I had no clue what was going on. None.

It was simply marvelous.

Well that's all for now.

Lions, Witches, and Wardrobes

Dear Jack,

Here is my review for Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe:

I was a little apprehensive about this movie, as I feared they would take away a lot of what I liked about the book. Luckily, however the director was obviously a purist. I found it to be a very enjoyable movie that followed the book very closely.

C.S. Lewis feared his books being made into movies because of the aspects of the animals. He didn't want them humorous men in suits, or puppets, so he saw no way his books could be turned into movies. Thanks to advances in CGI, I feel this movie captured the reality of animals and yet brought them to life as likable and realistic characters.

I look forward to seeing additional movies in the series.

Brokeback Mountain Review

Dear Jack,

Here is my review for Brokeback Mountain:

It is about time that there was an epic movie about gay men. The acting was not bad at all, and the story was one that many a gay man can relate to. The only critique I find is that it takes place over a period of 20 some years, yet Jake and Heath don't seem to age that much.

I highly recommend it, even though Heath's character reminds me of my an ex. (maybe that's why it seems so real).

Starting Over

Dear Jack,

A new year has begun. I think back to this time last year, and how I had just made contact with Michael online. I think back to how I was down in Georgia relaxing with my family, guest singing with the Church choir, in between semesters at General. Little did I know at this time of how David Barton would try to rip me off with my membership, nor that my Student Financial Aid would be cut because of a private gift donated to me by an anonymous benefactor; nor that in six months I would be leaving seminary and having to find a life. The biggest surprise, and best surprise is finding Michael and now nearing a one-year anniversary with him. I can't say that things are going too badly at all. I may even be joining a choir at St. Bart's on Park Ave. Life is good.

Rent Review

Dear Jack,

Here is my Movie Review for Rent:

Not as good as the play... one gets the jist of the story, but one looses the closer connection to the homeless.

Side note...why do Broadway singers now only whine? They didn't use to. Now it seems like they (mostly the young men) are trying to be poppish whiny singers and that takes away from the beauty of the music. For this movie, Roger has a very complementary voice which does not whine. Very Nice.

It was also good to see the guy from Law and Order in it.

About Time

Dear Jack,

Well I haven't blogged in a long time. So here I go.

I'm still a working at the church center. I still am in a wonderful relationship with Michael. I have a wonderful apartment in Astoria, and things are looking good. I am even getting out of educational debt.

I have so much to be thankful for--it's odd how that works.

Had some manipulative persons not tried to harm me by slandering my name at General, I probably would not be able to be where I am now. When it happened, I was scared, I feared the slander, and I was angry with the people responsible (and if they read this, know I know who you are). Regardless, having done nothing wrong, and having a wonderful bishop with a level head, and the grace and love of Christ, as well as the loving support of Michael, my life is better than it ever has been.

What a few may have used for evil, God has turned into my greatest blessings. I cannot say I have gotten to the point that I could confront these individuals, let alone forgive them and call them a brother or sister in Christ. That will take a lot more time and Spiritual discipline.

What I can do is look at the blessings in my life, and the grad direction in which it is headed. Indeed, God is ever present, and my joy is abounding.

This Advent season, I wait with all Christians for Christ's incarnation in the world--and as I wait I recognize how Christ is very present in my life, and how I could not succeed without his help.

Life is Good. God is Great. Being out of school is Good. Being Gay is Good. Being in a Loving Relationship is Good. Reaching a motivational resolution is priceless.

It's Gonna Work Out

Dear Jack,

Well, Here I am at work...waiting for another Batch List to imput into the computer, yet having none here. Work is fairly easy, and I enjoy it. I find it interresting to see how many people are giving to the Katrina effort through the Episcopal Church.

To update everyone, I've decided to take some time off from my calling and work on establishing myself as an adult--aka work on my relationship (it's great), get a job (got one), and and apartment (working on it). Things are beginning to work out. Ideally I'll have an apartment soon with my Love. I can't wait.

Today it's sort of rainy outside, and that coupled with not having anything to do, makes me sort of bored.