Friendships Falling

Dear Jack,

Leaving all names aside, the issue must be mentioned:

A friend's friend was visiting and was hanging out with Michael. The friend was very blatantly hitting on Michael, commenting on all his features. This is not something totally new, as people hit on people all the time. There was a line crossed, however, in that the person then (having known Michael and I for less than 24 hours) said "You know you, the way he looks and the way you look...[Chap] and you don't belong together. I mean what's with that?". Had the comment been made by a stranger, Michael would have put that person in his place. However, the comment was made by a friend's friend, so Michael restrained reaction to "How could you know? You don't know us." Regardless, the person persisted with questions about Michael's dating experience history. The friend, recognizing the situation as bad even asked the guy to shut up.

Time goes on, and the guy flirts with Michael throughout the day, and into the night, in front of me even. Although I can get jealous easily, I recognize when there is not any chance of competition. This old dude was far from a being someone that would cause Michael to stray, even if straying were apart of Michael's personality.

Over the next few days, the comments made by the guy did bother me. Coupling the comment about Michael and I not belonging together were the comments on the beautiful physique of Michael. Very plainly the reason this guy felt I should not be with Michaelis because I do not look as traditionally "cute" as Michael. This really hurt and pissed me off. What was worse, was that the same guy, the friend, and our friend Bob were scheduled to join us for Easter Dinner.

At dinner, things went well. After dinner, the guy having left us to pursue a fling on Long Island, Michael inquired to our friend about the situation. Here is where things get odd. The friend, not recognizing the hurt I felt, nor agreeing in the inappropriateness of the comments, said that Michael should expect such comments because of the way he dresses. More was said against Michael regarding a proposed "naivety" and necessity of needing to "live in the real world".

Later the friend left. Bob left. Michael and I thought. The things said were very mean, and unrelated to the actual hurt the dude had incurred with his comments. Our friend did not seem to recognize that we were the victims of his dude, nor that his criticizing Michael rather than admonishing his friend played out that he agreed with the friend's comments.

Later that night I visited the friend, and rather than deal with the situation at hand, I was given a bag of red herrings. 1. That Michael and I are too judgmental of his friends, and that this necessitated him having to find a new place to live farther away from us, in addition to not introducing any more friends to us; 2. We bring up his friends to other friends of his and to our own friends, and he felt that was gossiping; and 3. That Michael  is the person at fault for not reacting at the time to his guy friend in a harsher manner, and for his style of dress provoking flirtation. He also mentioned not liking me mentioning him on my blog, thus the no name. (Regarding the story, this is my story, and I am going to write about it whether he likes it or not).

After much conversation, and several weeks of pussy footing around the situation, we finally all talked (not the dude). At first our friend admitted nothing wrong, and expected us to apologize. Michael and I did apologize for bringing up the comment in front of B4b, and for bringing up other friends in front of his friends, and for being "judgmental" (although we don't see it as such).

We got an apology that began with "I'm sorry you got hurt, but..." and then listed why we should not be upset. Mind you we were not holding him accountable for his friend, but for his reaction and his comments on Easter. Again the "naivety" of Michael was blamed for the situation, as well as his clothing. In addition we were told that the opinion expressed was only an "opinion" and is as prevalent as anuses.

Michael left the situation, and I was bombarded with how the two of them could not be friends because of Micahel's reaction to this friend's apology. I stood up for Michael. Michael came back and demanded an apology. Rather than brushing off the situation, the tearful red herring of "y'all are my only friends here" was brought up as a reason for moving on. Still no admittance that the comments were wrong and hurtful to us.

Finally we got a vague "I apologize for everything I've done". I am sure you have heard many people say that such a blanket apology is not really one at all, as it does not give any ownership to the actual deeds done.

We left that night with Michael needing time to think. I go back and forth from finding the apology suitable, to being insulted by it.

If indeed this person cares so much about us, than I would hope he would just swallow up his pride and apologize. Indeed also, if this person cares so much about us he should recognize our hurt.

Upon reflecting on the situation further, I began to question the depth of the friendship. As I looked throughout the time this friend has been near me, I find little white lies appearing that I let go or ignored. I found in the conversations I had with him a lack of understanding regarding the depth of the love Michael and I share with each other. Indeed if this friendship were so deep, he would be able to grasp the many "real world" experiences in just this past year that Michael and I have had to endure.

I just don't see this friendship going on...it is falling. And I don't see him trying to reconcile it at all.

Leftist Invaders

Dear Jack,

Expalin to me how my Church was invaded by people who make Hilary Clinton look moderate to right? Recently I've been upset at the prospect that the leaders of the Church want to allign the church with pro-choice organizations. In addition I'm finding more and more people afraid to proclaim that Jesus Christ and belief in him is essential to the Christian journey. So many seem so concerned about what the non-Christian is going to say when confronted with Christ--well that concer should be abated if the person in question has chosen to come to the Church to begin with. If one goes to a Mosque one expects to hear about Mohammed, and if one goes to a Synagogue, one expects to hear about Moses and the Torah. Thus one would think going to a Church would allow one to hear about Jesus.

In addition, since when does being Gay inclusive = being Baby killers? I am very sorry to all feminists etc, but I will not and cannot condone the innocent death of a child that is in the womb, that DOES feel pain, that (if in the case of rape) is also a victim. Life being endangered... that is more grey. I read rencently something that stands out. If a pregnant woman is murdered, the person is charged with murder and feticide. Yet a doctor is not charged with feticide...only because the woman didn't want to admit that the thing in her is a living entity. Life is indeed sacred, and in a world where people criticize the evils of war and poverty, of pain and rape, of murder and injustices... how can one then align oneself with the death of the innocent.

I want so bad to find a church that is Gay inclusive yet holds to some form of Biblical Christianity where there is belief in Christ and in the Trinity, in the Resurrection, and in the sacredness of life.

April 2006 Photo

Hopeful Job, New Bladder

Dear Jack,

Well tax money has arrived in my account, and I am happy. This means I will be able to attend the memorial service for my grandfather. More good news includes a conversation with my bosses today at work. On their way to a meeting, they asked me if I was looking for a permanent job. I answered yes. They replied... good, we'll be sure to talk about that at the meeting. I am not sure if that means a job here at the bank, but it sure smells like it.

As I'm typing this, I am watching the news. It looks like doctors have successfully re-created working human bladders. The bladders were actually created from cells several years ago, and were kept on the DL until they knew that the organs were working normally. They say that they are also looking at cardiac muscles, livers, and lungs. If this is a successful adventure, it looks like most problems of health may be fixable by popping out the old organ and popping in a new one with the same DNA (thus reducing the risk of rejection). Woot. The cynical side of me hopes that it would be available for more than just the rich, but I doubt it.

Grandpa Part I

Dear Jack,

Well yesterday morning, around 3AM, my Grandpa Hohne passed away. I am still letting this process... as it is hard to really take it all in being so far from everyone. My understanding is that he will be cremated in North Las Vegas and that there will be a memorial service in Ohio later on. I do not know the details though.

The new job at Amalgamated Bank is going pretty well. The people there are extremely friendly. I believe that I am doing well, as they have moved me on to a more complicated stuff than what I was originally hired for. The other temps are friendly too. I have gotten to know two of them fairly well.

Get Real Review

Dear Jack,

Just saw Get Real, and here's what I thought:

Michael and I watched this the other night. This is probably one of my favorites so far, with regards to gay movies. The acting was actually decent, the plot was averagely complicated, and the characters were likable.

The story was very realistic, a private school setting in England where the unpopular, closeted, gay boy crosses upon the athletic, even more closeted, head boy. Other than it being about gay teenagers, I saw no reason for it to be rated "R"...but it seems the family groups are in charge of the rating systems rather than logical people. There was no sex, barely one shot of one butt for less than a second, little violence, and very little bad language.

All around I recommend this movie.

Failure to Launch not Complete Failure

Dear Jack,

Just saw Failure to Launch and here are my thoughts:

So I saw this ONLY because of McConaughey. And for the most part, it was worth it. The biggest problem other than the obvious predictability of the plot, was the weird inclusion of animals biting Matthew with an undeveloped plot understanding that nature was mad at Matthew for not moving out of the house.

I also wish there were more scenes with shirts off and men prancing around in towels...well Matthew prancing with a towel...and maybe one of his buds.

New Job

Dear Jack,

Well today I began a new job through Winston. I am working at Amalgamated Bank. The people there are very friendly, and I think this will be a decent assignment.

I wish something had gone through with the Episcopal Church Center, but so far I've heard nothing whatsoever. I guess I will just do my best with this job, and see if anything comes of it.

Other than that, there is not much new going on.

Michael's Birthday was on St. Patrick's Day, and we celebrated twice. On Friday, I cooked dinner and baked a cake. Dan, one of our new friends, as well as Dean and Jason. I think it went well. Then on Sunday, after Church, Michael and I met Bob and Brendan at Spice in Manhattan for lunch. So we were nearly able to see all our friends for Mike's Birthday, 'cept Empy, Kim, Josh, and Albert who were unable to make it...all had good excuses.

Well that is all for now.

Disolving Diocesan Bonds

Dear Jack,

Well it looks like it is nearing the time where it will be necessary for me to disolve my bonds to the Diocese of Atlanta. It looks like the process is at an end with the possible chance that I may be allowed to return to Atlanta for further discernment. Since I cannot go to Atlanta, I will probably be let go from the process and allowed to pursue it up here, where I can start from scratch in the discernment process.

It seems like a pitty that a professor or two and some caniving students (now priests) could lead me to such reversal in my process. Ironically, I feel glad to start over up here, and look forward to the process--not so much to see if I feel called but to re-validate a calling I have felt all along.

It is Ash Wednesday, and now begins Lent. My prayers are to find some way to accept he situation without any bitterness towards those that prompted it. Indeed not the Bishop, for I hold nothing against him except a dormancy in communication--he is making what he can out of a situation that has been handed to him--more the students and professors involved, who I hope had no idea of the consequences to me.

This is no end, this is only the beginning of a new chapter. And I still have high hopes.

Church Sweet Church

Dear Jack,

Well yesterday, Michael and I were welcomed officially to the community at St. Bart's on Park Avenue. This came on a long day where St. Bart's Singers joined the Choiristers and St. Bart's Choir to sing a Missa Brevis by Mozart too. Bob and Dean came also. After the service Bob and one of our choir friends named Michael joined us for lunch. We ate at a mediocre diner on 2nd Ave.

After eating and having a good time talking, Michael and I went with Bob to a Barnes and Noble and hung out there for about two hours. I ended up purchasing an Are You Being Served DVD.

Dean had a friend (also named Michael) come into town. I didn't care for him, as he seemed to want to slut around. He asked me for some justification for his "lifestyle", apparently equating being gay with being a sleazy person. I told him to look at the Bible and see if it addresses Monogamous, Loving, relationships between men. I sort of avoided the answer he was looking for, because there is no way I can or would justify sleeping around as appropriate and condoned lifestyle for anyone, gay or straight. This Michael took Dean to a bathouse and to a private viewing section of a porno store and didn't understand why Dean did not want to do anything there. He did not get that Dean has standards and is not about sleeping around--he doesn't get that there are many other gay men who want to have a Real relationship--not just one-night stands and mindless casual sex with strangers. I'm proud of Dean, although I wouldn't expect any less from him. He has a good heart and a good head on his shoulders. This Michael also further disgusted me when we learned he has a boyfriend to boot. He says he wants to move here, but I hope he does not.

I tend to be a rather tolerant person, especially with regards to other people's misbehavior. I have no respect for infidelity, and a bankrupt stockpile of sympathy for the unfaithful. I do not think that sleeping around is safe, healthy (spiritually, emotionally, physically), or condonable. That being said, I do understand some of the many reasons that cause people to do it. Regardless, when in a relationship with someone one should be faithful--Gay or Straight.

In the end it hurts the movement for Gay Marriage with infidelity. The same is true of heterosexuals who are unfaithful--it is a mockery of marriage too. And indeed those who are the men and women slept with--what do you think you are going to get out of it? If the person could not be faithful with the one, what makes you think they will be faithful with you?

Not all relationships are meant to be. That does not justify infidelity--that justifies fixing or ending the relationship. Infidelity adds to the schism and emotional backlash between the people, and stretches thinly the soul of the one being unfaithful.

Mid Feb

Dear Jack,

It is mid February and I am still at 815. Looking at the work, I may have a week or two more. I hope to get hired through HR or at least placed here in another area. There isn't much going on really. Mike and I had a good Valentine's Day. I made some steaks and scallops, and he bought me some chocolates.

Dean is a joy of a friend to have around up here. This week he inspired me. Some people at the grocery store were grumpy--well bitchy is more exact. Anyways, he just says "You need to smile because God loves you and so do I." Now had I said something like that, or had Michael, we would probably have a black eye, but Dean said it. The lady was polite to him. Now it doesn't always work that way--the ladies at Pathmark apparently are not as easily charmed, as Dean did not get the same reaction there.

Ob la de Ob la da

Dear Jack,

It is the day before Valentine's Day, and I am blessed to be celebrating it with Michael again. I must admit that I feared that Michael and I would not be together this time last year. If you recall, he had not come out yet to his parents, and we had to hide our relationship from them. So much has happened since then, and we are open, and together and I am the happiest man alive.

This past week Dean P. drove up in a U-Haul with his friend Amy (cool woman). He found an apartment right above us in the same building. It has been great having a good and friendly and funny friend living so close by. I hope he doesn't get annoyed with us ;-).

This past weekend brought on a blizzard. I loved it--but then again I don't have to shovel it or drive in it. Dean remarked "I always wished it would snow up to my ass, I just didn't think it would ever happen." This was the biggest snow on record here in New York: 26-28 inches they say. There is also word that more snow is on the way. Yeah Winter--about damn time you showed up.

Prayers for Grandpa Hohne, Joe, Bobbie, Wanda, Tommy, and Jason.

Solidarity With Denmark

Dear Jack,

I find myself amazed at the current escalation in the Muslim regions of the world over the cartoons published in Denmark. In the fall, a Danish newspaper decided to demonstrate in satire "intollerance" in the Islamic world. To do this, they had cartoonists draw some political, racy cartoons that not only depicted Islam in a less than shiny light. In addition, some cartoons included drawings of the Prophet Mohammud. In Islamic faith it is blasphemy to depict images of God or "God's Prophet".

I repeat the reason it was done was to emphasize the lack of tolleration in Islam. Within the past few weeks, several other newspapers in several other countries have republished the articles. France, Belgium, Yemen, Egypt, Germany, Sweden, New Zealand, Australia, and the US---not all European, but mostly. This appearently brought further attention to the articles. What has happened since may be a key point in our history.

Several nations have withdrawn their ambassadors from Denmark. The Government of Denmark was asked to apologize for the newspaper's publishing, and to infringe on the freedom of the Press to publish such cartoons. Denmark responded with saying the cartoons were out of taste, but that the government could not and would not infringe on Freedom of the Press. AMEN.

Throughout the world, violent protests have broken out. In Syria and Lebanon, Embassies were burned to the groud along with any Danish, US, Israeli (how they got dragged in is beyond me), French, German, Polish, British flag they could find. Iran has issued a ban on Danish goods. Threats are rising, and even today there is violent protest.

I scan the newspapers and read the blogs and news agencies online and find pictures of burning flags and buildings. I see signs saying "Was 9/11 not a good enough sign?" and "Remember 7/7" among "Denmark will see the real holocaust".

What gets me most, is that this is over cartoon depictions in a NON Muslim country for NON Muslims. I cannot deny they were in bad taste, but it is not like they were posting them on the door of a Mosque. Indeed one might consider the many anti-Jewish cartoons that have been and continue to be published in the Middle East depicting Jews as blood-sucking evil people trying to control the world. Yet one does not see Israel or the followers of Judaism burning flags, and rushing embassies, and declaring death threats on innocent civilians from those countries.

One need not even mention the plethra of horrific cartoons and "art" regarding Christianity. I remind you of the elephant crap madonna and child. I didn't see any war like threats issued from the Vatican then.

What disgusts me the most is the disregard of the moderate Muslims by the fundamentalists. I think a Muslim should be offended by the cartoons, yes. I do not think they should react in violence and hatred. Most Moderate Muslims, I've found, agree, as they are protesting both sides of the issues. A quintessential image that comes to mind is an image caught on camera for CNN of two Muslim clerics trying to stop the demonstrators, being stoned by their own people for speaking peace.

Things are out of control.

What surprises me the most is the lack of information I am finding on either the GOP or Democratic websites regarding this. One would think that at least one of the two parties would have an opinion. We get quotations by rumsfeld from German papers about Iran and AIEA, but nothing of the cartoons. I found a quotation from our President that was reported as if it were a side issue saying that it was wrong to do the pictures, but falling short of showing Solidarity for Denmark and the Freedom of the Press.

What I do not know is the future. The Governor of New Mexico spoke of the pivitol place we stand, with Iran not cooperating with AIEA and the UN or the EU, with a terroist involved in the USS Cole boming free, with the Hamas in Palestine--I fear there may be some larger altercation.

I have never called myself an enemy of Islam--in fact I am intrigued by it. But I am afraid of some of it's followers.

Elijah Puss Day

Dear Jack,

It appears that my kitty in Georgia, Elijah Puss, has disappeared. He has not come home since Monday, according to my mother. I hope he is not dead, but only out too long. Mom is depressed about it. Elijah was her favorite among the animals at the house. Hallie, luckily, seems too intimidated by the outside to stay out long.

The Ladies Have Left the Building

Dear Jack,

Well today was the last day for my co-workers. The assignment is winding down, and they were let go. I, on the other hand, have two more weeks at least here, in addition Joe (my boss) is going to see what he can do to find a placement for me here, either with the agency, or some other way. I hope to solidify an appointment with HR to also discuss this, but am waiting on someone from that department to return my messages. I checked in again today.

I will miss Shastia and Alma, but Catora was mean towards me, although I am uncertain what caused it. Despite the fact I'll probably never see her again, I feel sad that Catora was mean and didn't even say good bye. To quote the old addage, "God bless them in their future endeavors", and all that jazz.