Dear Jack,
Well I've not written in a while. I've had some distractions I guess. They were all good of course. No complaints there. Life is good all around. I am having a wonderful personal life, and wonderful classes, and feel close to God... so much joy.
So the title of this posting is TV Series. Now I could discuss how I have fallen for late night Disney (yes I know it's pathetic). Specifically I have fallen for Lilo & Stitch. One would think I am a little kid and not 23. I am fascinated by Pleakley and love the moral value that Lilo tends to learn. Ohana (SP?) means no one will be left behind--family. It is a good thing.
But that is not why this is called TV Series. See I was out on a date...at Cafeteria. I was looking at my menu, and all of a sudden I heard "CHAP!!!! CHAP CHAP CHAP!" -- from my date. My menu which had been over the candle, had caught fire. It was pretty embarrassing...something only that would happen on a tv sitcom...or my life.
Later I was talking with a friend who mentioned some romantic stuff going on in his life. He described it as being in a TV sitcom.
Even later that night (1 Am at least) I was called to help another friend, Jason. He had gone out on a date with a guy he was sweet on. Well said guy got drunk and was vomiting. I came over to help with the vomiting "date" and to help my friend relax. Two other friends showed up and we ended up heading to a bar. When he came back the said date was stuck in his bed sleeping. LOL. Upon my arrival home, I realized I had lost my money clip (having ridden in a taxi). It was all again like a tv series.
Life otherwise is great...and I can't complain. I've ben liking my recent dates too. So that makes life greater. I am just a joyous person.
OH I am going to be working at Belevue this summer. It will be a great experience as a chaplain. I can't wait. It is all good.
27 February 2005
03 February 2005
The Bishop
Dear Jack,
Well the Bishop is in town for the Board of Trustees meeting. I hope to meet with him and talk about a few personal things while he's here. I need his advice about the direction my life is heading.
Tonight the Diocese postulants here are going with him to get drinks. It should be a fun time.
Well the Bishop is in town for the Board of Trustees meeting. I hope to meet with him and talk about a few personal things while he's here. I need his advice about the direction my life is heading.
Tonight the Diocese postulants here are going with him to get drinks. It should be a fun time.
30 January 2005
Blessings
There are many blessings I have. I am truly a blessed man. THere are a few that really stick in my mind. I wish I could write them all down. But words could not do justice to the joy I feel. Love is often a blessing that people don't get to share in... or rather they may not be able to share in, or sometimes are scared to share. I recognize my blessing of love... being able to see it and partake in it. God is the true source of Love, and his Love reflects and shines through other people. People who are blessings. I feel showered by blessings. Yesterday--today--tomorrow. And I praise God.
25 January 2005
Gay Thoughts
Dear Jack,
Homosexuality describes a person who is naturally attracted to a member of the same sex. There is no definitive cause for this. There are theories that it is genetic; that it is based on the environment of the mother before birth or the nurturing environment growing up; that it is the result of a sexual trauma; that it is a choice. My personal theory is that it is a gift--a gift from God and is naturally engendered in a person's being. That does not mean that all the theories could not be right in some people. However in my experience It is Natural.
My own homosexual understanding came about in middle school. It was in middle school that we were forced to take gym class. That was the first time I noticed the appeal of boys. It was further peaked by my participation in Boy Scouts of America, and while playing club soccer. I was fully aware that being gay was unacceptable by my peers. So I did what many do. I hid it. I learned to respond in a heterosexual manner to things such as discussing girls, being mooned by a guy, what I'd want in sex, what a good marriage would mean, etc.
In addition I was a religious kid. I had been active in church (Southern Baptist) since kindergarten and had recently re-converted to the Episcopal Church in seventh grade. As far as I had been taught, and mind you it was taught to us even that young, homosexuality was against God's Natural Order. This was a devistating thing for me, when I found myself in this predicament. I had felt for a long time that I was called to be a minister, and here was this horrid "sin" to mess things up for me. One which had been taught by me to be a most grievous sin, and one that if you could not reverse, could not be forgiven.
When I entered high school I had developed a very negative self image of myself as a result. I had not pursued girls that much, indeed only once, out of following ritual of what was expected and trying to save myself from being discovered as gay. I reverted to also noticing the sins of other people to a point of overt Pharisitical criticism and judgmental disposition. When I'd attend religious functions often I cried, for I so prayed and longed for it all to be removed. Each Easter I prayed that my feelings would die with Christ, and new feelings of heterosexuality would rise on Easter. Never did it happen.
I went to college, and it was there, that I thought I would openly deal with my feelings. For me openly meant I'd tell someone who was a minister about them and see if he could help direct me in the right path. The head of the religion department was a Dr. Hobbie. He was a Presbyterian (PCUSA) minister. Amazingly I was not the first person to talk to him about such feelings. He told me to pray. That perhaps God had a use for me even as a homosexual. I did pray. I prayed for guidance, for relief. I heard nothing. It was then I decided to pray for something different.
"God I know I'm a homosexual...I read that it isn't right, but you made me, and I can't think of a time where I wasn't thinking the way I think. I don't want this pain. I give it to you. Make me whole as you see fit to make me whole. Use me in my brokenness."
It was then I decided perhaps praying to change wasn't right. Accepting God's creation...well what could it hurt to accept myself? If I wasn't changing anyways, no harm would be done. I realized that my friends, particularly my roommate Caleb and my friend Kevin would not care what my sexuality is. So I told them. I slowly came out... but it stated by coming out to God first.
I felt a release then. As if my life had been a vein blocked and now the blockage was gone--blood was flowing again. I felt the renewing spirit that comes from God rush over me like a mighty wind. Within a few months, being open about my sexuality, I was invited to begin the discernment process. Within a year, having even dated, I was called a postulant, and was sent to Seminary. Indeed not only was I sent, but all of my needs were met...$28,000 financially. Obviously someone wanted me to be a priest, and it came when I came out to God.
One thing stuck with me, "If God is for us, who can be against us". Indeed I think being gay is a hard task... a testing life... but it is not a sin. This weblog will house how I came to that conclusion, and how Christ is still the salve that can heal the souls of those broken by rejection because of their sexuality.
My own homosexual understanding came about in middle school. It was in middle school that we were forced to take gym class. That was the first time I noticed the appeal of boys. It was further peaked by my participation in Boy Scouts of America, and while playing club soccer. I was fully aware that being gay was unacceptable by my peers. So I did what many do. I hid it. I learned to respond in a heterosexual manner to things such as discussing girls, being mooned by a guy, what I'd want in sex, what a good marriage would mean, etc.
In addition I was a religious kid. I had been active in church (Southern Baptist) since kindergarten and had recently re-converted to the Episcopal Church in seventh grade. As far as I had been taught, and mind you it was taught to us even that young, homosexuality was against God's Natural Order. This was a devistating thing for me, when I found myself in this predicament. I had felt for a long time that I was called to be a minister, and here was this horrid "sin" to mess things up for me. One which had been taught by me to be a most grievous sin, and one that if you could not reverse, could not be forgiven.
When I entered high school I had developed a very negative self image of myself as a result. I had not pursued girls that much, indeed only once, out of following ritual of what was expected and trying to save myself from being discovered as gay. I reverted to also noticing the sins of other people to a point of overt Pharisitical criticism and judgmental disposition. When I'd attend religious functions often I cried, for I so prayed and longed for it all to be removed. Each Easter I prayed that my feelings would die with Christ, and new feelings of heterosexuality would rise on Easter. Never did it happen.
I went to college, and it was there, that I thought I would openly deal with my feelings. For me openly meant I'd tell someone who was a minister about them and see if he could help direct me in the right path. The head of the religion department was a Dr. Hobbie. He was a Presbyterian (PCUSA) minister. Amazingly I was not the first person to talk to him about such feelings. He told me to pray. That perhaps God had a use for me even as a homosexual. I did pray. I prayed for guidance, for relief. I heard nothing. It was then I decided to pray for something different.
"God I know I'm a homosexual...I read that it isn't right, but you made me, and I can't think of a time where I wasn't thinking the way I think. I don't want this pain. I give it to you. Make me whole as you see fit to make me whole. Use me in my brokenness."
It was then I decided perhaps praying to change wasn't right. Accepting God's creation...well what could it hurt to accept myself? If I wasn't changing anyways, no harm would be done. I realized that my friends, particularly my roommate Caleb and my friend Kevin would not care what my sexuality is. So I told them. I slowly came out... but it stated by coming out to God first.
I felt a release then. As if my life had been a vein blocked and now the blockage was gone--blood was flowing again. I felt the renewing spirit that comes from God rush over me like a mighty wind. Within a few months, being open about my sexuality, I was invited to begin the discernment process. Within a year, having even dated, I was called a postulant, and was sent to Seminary. Indeed not only was I sent, but all of my needs were met...$28,000 financially. Obviously someone wanted me to be a priest, and it came when I came out to God.
One thing stuck with me, "If God is for us, who can be against us". Indeed I think being gay is a hard task... a testing life... but it is not a sin. This weblog will house how I came to that conclusion, and how Christ is still the salve that can heal the souls of those broken by rejection because of their sexuality.
Joe Update
Dear Jack,
Many people have asked for an update on my friend Joe. Well I have no news. Since he has become "homeless" last year, his phone has been disconnected. No one at Starbucks has seen him either. I can only pray that God has him safe. I ask those who read to continue to keep him in your prayers. It is winter, and it has been snowing heavily. Indeed I hope he's not fallen into prostitution or similar places, and that he is safe from drugs and such. The city can be a very tempting place.
Many people have asked for an update on my friend Joe. Well I have no news. Since he has become "homeless" last year, his phone has been disconnected. No one at Starbucks has seen him either. I can only pray that God has him safe. I ask those who read to continue to keep him in your prayers. It is winter, and it has been snowing heavily. Indeed I hope he's not fallen into prostitution or similar places, and that he is safe from drugs and such. The city can be a very tempting place.
24 January 2005
End.
Dear Jack
A friend of mine has notified me they can no longer be my friend due to the wishes of their parents. The reason being I am gay and I was finding the person charming. In addition, I am aware that this weblog is viewed by the same family. I am not sure I understand it all. But it is something I am used to, and I can live with that.
I do want to reiterate that my dealings with this friend have been upstanding and rooted in the discussion of God and of music. Among friends in New York City, it is hard to find those who are Christian and willing to accept a gay man's spiritual journey as just that... a spiritual journey. I myself share a different view of Christianity than you do, yet I am more than certain we agree on one thing--Christ came to save sinners.
I am an Episcopalian and it is not a common phrase for us to say "born again" or that we are "saved". Yet I am a former Southern Baptist, and I do know what is meant by those, and am BOTH. I acknowledge Christ as my personal Savior, that he is God, and that he came and died for our sins, and physically rose again from the dead, destroying death, and ascended into heaven. Indeed I believe Christ to reside in my heart, and I pray to God and walk with Christ daily in my journey.
I hold no ill feelings towards anyone in this. I understand your motives, and ask that you pray for me, that God will work God's will in my life. I will continue to thank God for having had the friendship with your son/brother. And I will pray that you will one day God will reveal to you that I am a Christian despite my sexuality.
Until then, feel free to read my journal if you want. It is directed towards all of my friends. It is open for all to read, for I've nothing to hide. I feel that hiding things from people often adds to an idea of scandal. I am not a person of scandals.
To all other readers, walk in love.
A friend of mine has notified me they can no longer be my friend due to the wishes of their parents. The reason being I am gay and I was finding the person charming. In addition, I am aware that this weblog is viewed by the same family. I am not sure I understand it all. But it is something I am used to, and I can live with that.
I do want to reiterate that my dealings with this friend have been upstanding and rooted in the discussion of God and of music. Among friends in New York City, it is hard to find those who are Christian and willing to accept a gay man's spiritual journey as just that... a spiritual journey. I myself share a different view of Christianity than you do, yet I am more than certain we agree on one thing--Christ came to save sinners.
I am an Episcopalian and it is not a common phrase for us to say "born again" or that we are "saved". Yet I am a former Southern Baptist, and I do know what is meant by those, and am BOTH. I acknowledge Christ as my personal Savior, that he is God, and that he came and died for our sins, and physically rose again from the dead, destroying death, and ascended into heaven. Indeed I believe Christ to reside in my heart, and I pray to God and walk with Christ daily in my journey.
I hold no ill feelings towards anyone in this. I understand your motives, and ask that you pray for me, that God will work God's will in my life. I will continue to thank God for having had the friendship with your son/brother. And I will pray that you will one day God will reveal to you that I am a Christian despite my sexuality.
Until then, feel free to read my journal if you want. It is directed towards all of my friends. It is open for all to read, for I've nothing to hide. I feel that hiding things from people often adds to an idea of scandal. I am not a person of scandals.
To all other readers, walk in love.
18 January 2005
Cool Time
Dear Jack,
Well last night I met up with a friend again. We went to dinner at Cosi Diner in Union Square. Then we came back to my place and watched South Park the movie. Well we also talked a lot and listened to music, and stuff like that. He is a cool guy. Really. Really really cool. yeah.
So I had an interview for my job in Hawai'i I think it would be neat if I do get the job, but who knows. I think the interview went well, but there are 8 other people applying. So yeah... I'll probably be CPE-ing in NYC.
I look forward to this weekend. Meeting up with the special someone again.
I've also been spending the rest of my time talking with people online. there's not much else to do really... it is FREEZING outside. And I'm not one to get cold easily.. but I did. The heat is acting up too. It is 12degrees right now. HELP.
Well last night I met up with a friend again. We went to dinner at Cosi Diner in Union Square. Then we came back to my place and watched South Park the movie. Well we also talked a lot and listened to music, and stuff like that. He is a cool guy. Really. Really really cool. yeah.
So I had an interview for my job in Hawai'i I think it would be neat if I do get the job, but who knows. I think the interview went well, but there are 8 other people applying. So yeah... I'll probably be CPE-ing in NYC.
I look forward to this weekend. Meeting up with the special someone again.
I've also been spending the rest of my time talking with people online. there's not much else to do really... it is FREEZING outside. And I'm not one to get cold easily.. but I did. The heat is acting up too. It is 12degrees right now. HELP.
16 January 2005
A New Year
Dear Jack,
Well I did not post much since November. I guess there's not been much to say. I went to London with Jason. We stayed at Regent Palace in Piccadilly Circus. It was not that bad of a trip. I was able to see the Tower of London, St. Paul's Cathedral, a concert at the Royal College of Music, The Producers (staring Nathan Lane), and go to various restaurants and bars and clubs in London. All in all it was a good trip.
After that I had exams. The exams were not that bad. I threw a party for my friends, but many were not able to come. Ms. Kim was the only city friend who was able to attend, as the others were out of town or busy. I also did a bar trip with some of the seminary people the night before I left. It was all good.
Back at home, my parents were given a couch for Christmas from my brother Kris so it wasn't until it arrived on the 22nd that I could begin decorating for Christmas. On the 24th Aunt Lucy and Uncle Darry showed up and helped finish things before Jordan and Kris came in from Kansas. Jordan has really grown.
Christmas Eve wasn't too bad, although Fr. Dan brought the maggoi to the creche before the shepherds. I sang in a quartet that night too. The next day we got up early, opened gifts, and then headed to Fr. Newell's church on the other side of of Atlanta. There Dad and I did the music, and he had me preach. It was my first sermon. I preached on the Incarnation, and how we as the body of Christ are now compelled by the idea of God incarnate, to take Christ into the world.
Then we came home and I cooked Christmas Dinner. Joe and Mike joined us. It was a good meal. This was probably one of the best Christmases we have had in a long time.
I made some online friends who many I've met now and one whom I sort of like. Eric, Tommy, Dean, Javier, Justin (not J-Lo), and Mike are the people. Mike is the person I sort of like. We'll see what comes of it.
I was also able to hang out with my best friend in the whole world, Joy E. R--d. It was sure great to see her. I miss her so much.
On New Years Eve I went with my parent's to Paige's house for a party. Dad started acting real odd. He didn't want to be there and made it clear.. VERY clear through "taking naps" and sitting in a corner with a frown on his face. I took him home and returned to the party.
Over the next week I met with several people from my parish who showed me their support. It is nice to know how many know about my sexuality and support me. Fr. Dan, I don't think knows, and I am not sure he'd support me.
Maggie died too over break. It's ok, but I know it is hard on mom.
I recently have read a new book, Angels in America by Tom Kushner. It was pretty good. I then watched the entire version of it done by HBO. I highly recommend it.
After finally returning to NYC I met up with a special friend for coffee. I don't want to sound to eager, but it was a great time. We sat at Chelsea Square for a good four to five hours talking. He is a good person, and I look forward to our next date on Monday.
Well I hope to update more often, but who knows.
Well I did not post much since November. I guess there's not been much to say. I went to London with Jason. We stayed at Regent Palace in Piccadilly Circus. It was not that bad of a trip. I was able to see the Tower of London, St. Paul's Cathedral, a concert at the Royal College of Music, The Producers (staring Nathan Lane), and go to various restaurants and bars and clubs in London. All in all it was a good trip.
After that I had exams. The exams were not that bad. I threw a party for my friends, but many were not able to come. Ms. Kim was the only city friend who was able to attend, as the others were out of town or busy. I also did a bar trip with some of the seminary people the night before I left. It was all good.
Back at home, my parents were given a couch for Christmas from my brother Kris so it wasn't until it arrived on the 22nd that I could begin decorating for Christmas. On the 24th Aunt Lucy and Uncle Darry showed up and helped finish things before Jordan and Kris came in from Kansas. Jordan has really grown.
Christmas Eve wasn't too bad, although Fr. Dan brought the maggoi to the creche before the shepherds. I sang in a quartet that night too. The next day we got up early, opened gifts, and then headed to Fr. Newell's church on the other side of of Atlanta. There Dad and I did the music, and he had me preach. It was my first sermon. I preached on the Incarnation, and how we as the body of Christ are now compelled by the idea of God incarnate, to take Christ into the world.
Then we came home and I cooked Christmas Dinner. Joe and Mike joined us. It was a good meal. This was probably one of the best Christmases we have had in a long time.
I made some online friends who many I've met now and one whom I sort of like. Eric, Tommy, Dean, Javier, Justin (not J-Lo), and Mike are the people. Mike is the person I sort of like. We'll see what comes of it.
I was also able to hang out with my best friend in the whole world, Joy E. R--d. It was sure great to see her. I miss her so much.
On New Years Eve I went with my parent's to Paige's house for a party. Dad started acting real odd. He didn't want to be there and made it clear.. VERY clear through "taking naps" and sitting in a corner with a frown on his face. I took him home and returned to the party.
Over the next week I met with several people from my parish who showed me their support. It is nice to know how many know about my sexuality and support me. Fr. Dan, I don't think knows, and I am not sure he'd support me.
Maggie died too over break. It's ok, but I know it is hard on mom.
I recently have read a new book, Angels in America by Tom Kushner. It was pretty good. I then watched the entire version of it done by HBO. I highly recommend it.
After finally returning to NYC I met up with a special friend for coffee. I don't want to sound to eager, but it was a great time. We sat at Chelsea Square for a good four to five hours talking. He is a good person, and I look forward to our next date on Monday.
Well I hope to update more often, but who knows.
08 January 2005
New School Year
Dear Jack,
Well my second semester begins on Monday. It should be good. I will continue with Old and New Testament, begin Church History, continue Hebrew, and begin Systematic Theology.
I'm in a new room, if I have not posted this before. It is bigger, and much more convenient. The move was needed, and I am very happy with it.
Not very many people are back yet from the break, so the area is fairly lonely, although I've been hanging out with friends in the city.
Well there is not much going on yet. I'm sure with studies I'll get busy again. Until then, I'm enjoying the time off, despite the 15 degree weather.
I'm in a new room, if I have not posted this before. It is bigger, and much more convenient. The move was needed, and I am very happy with it.
Not very many people are back yet from the break, so the area is fairly lonely, although I've been hanging out with friends in the city.
Well there is not much going on yet. I'm sure with studies I'll get busy again. Until then, I'm enjoying the time off, despite the 15 degree weather.
23 November 2004
Can't Sleep
Dear Jack
It is 5 AM on Tuesday 23 of November and I can't sleep. Over the weekend and yesterday I had some migraines. I am blaming them on Dad and the stress I'm under with him.
Friday I went to dinner with Matthew G., Stephen S., and Rob S. at a horrid pizza hole called Hot Spot. I was less than impressed. Then Matthew and I went to see what was playing at the local cinemas, but neither went to watch a movie. I spent the night in my room relaxing.
On Saturday I met Brendan for the first time. We were intending on going ice skating. Unfortunately it was raining pretty heavily and around 40 degrees, so it was not a good idea. Instead we met up for coffee at the Big Cup. We talked for a good long time about all kinds of stuff. I will say he is a cute guy with nice blue eyes. He has become more and more intriguing, as I've learned of his many interests which include hockey, soccer, stained glass, crocheting, Jagermeister, languages (he knows several), microbiology, and vocal performance. I feel so dumb around him LOL. On top of it all he is a very sensitive and manly guy, despite the cat ears winter hat he wore. (I thought it was cute, he thought it was gay) LOL.
After meeting Brendan, I went with Shai and Shalom (that's SHA-lom) to a thing called Date Bait. I did not expect to get much out of it, and guess what, I didn't. Not a single damned match. Shai got one, and Shalom took tons. Then after some deliberation we went to Daioh for sushi. After that I met up with Andrew, Marcus, Adam, and Andrew's friend Gregg. We went to a place called Boy's Room. It was a crappy place...extremely extremely hot and humid inside, and crowded. I recognized a guy named Andres from Date Bait there. There were strippers doing pole dances on the bars... very sketch. We did not stay long, despite we paid $15 each to get in. There is no website for it...proves it's crud.
The next place we went to was called Spalsh. It was a little bit more ritzy, but still was pretty much the same thing as Boy's Room... just a cleaner setting, cooler setting, and a larger venue. I will say that I did not completely dislike the models strutting there stuff, I am not sure I would want to go back to it. Maybe I'd go with guests to "shock" them into the gay life of NYC. But that would be about it. I left and came home around 1 AM. I talked online with Josh and Brendan.
The next day, Sunday, migraine two hit. BLARG!!! I had gotten up and showered for church, and wham. It was gone by 6 that night. At 10 I decided to go to Shalom's birthday party. I wasn't sure I was going to go because of how I felt, but since I had said I was going, I figured I should. On my way there, I ran into Andrew and Gregg... small gay world so to speak. Shalom held his party at Avalon. Avalon is an old church that was converted into a club in the seventies or something like that, called Limelight. I heard some tale that the original owner chopped up visitors, but it could just be an urban legend. Well my trip to Avalon was unique. In the main dance area (the former Nave), we looked into a secluded, guarded area, and saw Madonna. The Madonna. I would have to say this is my first big-time celebrity to see in person. I know there are probably tons of people who would have flipped out, but I was like "eh, who cares." LOL. Avalon was huge, and filled with too many people. I found myself loafing around Marcus and Andrew, not bad, but I still felt like a loafer. I went home around 1:45 and chatted with Brendan and Josh online (again).
Enter Migraine Three. Having not drank anything, you would think I would not wake up with a headache...ah but that is where you'd be wrong. This was the worst of the three, and hopefully the last of the three. Since it is nearly 5:30 now, and I feel fine, I assume as much.
Having done nothing all day, not eat, not drink, not sleep, not defecate... I joined Rick T. for dinner around 7:30 PM. I ate some soup and then met up with Shai, Shalom and Jason around 9. Then I felt more hungry and had a petite Sirloin at Uno. Then we went to Polar Express (which I had already seen). Then I came back home and, you guessed it, talked with Josh and Brendan online... this time you can add Shai, and Jason too. Brendan was crocheting stockings for Christmas. So domesticated, yet so manly. Josh is coming in tomorrow from New Hampshire which also adds to my light mood.
In addition to this, I am feeling good emotionally... like happy happy... I hope it lasts.
Tomorrow I should also begin moving to my new room... so who knows what will happen with the internet until I get it figured out with Time Warner or Verizon. I hope to be in full operation by the end of the week...who knows for sure though.
It is now nearly 6AM, and I still can't sleep... I get up in an hour LOL to shower before Morning Prayer.
Oh, in addition to all the migraines and partying and paper writing, I read The DaVinci Code. I will be posting on that later.
It is 5 AM on Tuesday 23 of November and I can't sleep. Over the weekend and yesterday I had some migraines. I am blaming them on Dad and the stress I'm under with him.
Friday I went to dinner with Matthew G., Stephen S., and Rob S. at a horrid pizza hole called Hot Spot. I was less than impressed. Then Matthew and I went to see what was playing at the local cinemas, but neither went to watch a movie. I spent the night in my room relaxing.
On Saturday I met Brendan for the first time. We were intending on going ice skating. Unfortunately it was raining pretty heavily and around 40 degrees, so it was not a good idea. Instead we met up for coffee at the Big Cup. We talked for a good long time about all kinds of stuff. I will say he is a cute guy with nice blue eyes. He has become more and more intriguing, as I've learned of his many interests which include hockey, soccer, stained glass, crocheting, Jagermeister, languages (he knows several), microbiology, and vocal performance. I feel so dumb around him LOL. On top of it all he is a very sensitive and manly guy, despite the cat ears winter hat he wore. (I thought it was cute, he thought it was gay) LOL.
After meeting Brendan, I went with Shai and Shalom (that's SHA-lom) to a thing called Date Bait. I did not expect to get much out of it, and guess what, I didn't. Not a single damned match. Shai got one, and Shalom took tons. Then after some deliberation we went to Daioh for sushi. After that I met up with Andrew, Marcus, Adam, and Andrew's friend Gregg. We went to a place called Boy's Room. It was a crappy place...extremely extremely hot and humid inside, and crowded. I recognized a guy named Andres from Date Bait there. There were strippers doing pole dances on the bars... very sketch. We did not stay long, despite we paid $15 each to get in. There is no website for it...proves it's crud.
The next place we went to was called Spalsh. It was a little bit more ritzy, but still was pretty much the same thing as Boy's Room... just a cleaner setting, cooler setting, and a larger venue. I will say that I did not completely dislike the models strutting there stuff, I am not sure I would want to go back to it. Maybe I'd go with guests to "shock" them into the gay life of NYC. But that would be about it. I left and came home around 1 AM. I talked online with Josh and Brendan.
The next day, Sunday, migraine two hit. BLARG!!! I had gotten up and showered for church, and wham. It was gone by 6 that night. At 10 I decided to go to Shalom's birthday party. I wasn't sure I was going to go because of how I felt, but since I had said I was going, I figured I should. On my way there, I ran into Andrew and Gregg... small gay world so to speak. Shalom held his party at Avalon. Avalon is an old church that was converted into a club in the seventies or something like that, called Limelight. I heard some tale that the original owner chopped up visitors, but it could just be an urban legend. Well my trip to Avalon was unique. In the main dance area (the former Nave), we looked into a secluded, guarded area, and saw Madonna. The Madonna. I would have to say this is my first big-time celebrity to see in person. I know there are probably tons of people who would have flipped out, but I was like "eh, who cares." LOL. Avalon was huge, and filled with too many people. I found myself loafing around Marcus and Andrew, not bad, but I still felt like a loafer. I went home around 1:45 and chatted with Brendan and Josh online (again).
Enter Migraine Three. Having not drank anything, you would think I would not wake up with a headache...ah but that is where you'd be wrong. This was the worst of the three, and hopefully the last of the three. Since it is nearly 5:30 now, and I feel fine, I assume as much.
Having done nothing all day, not eat, not drink, not sleep, not defecate... I joined Rick T. for dinner around 7:30 PM. I ate some soup and then met up with Shai, Shalom and Jason around 9. Then I felt more hungry and had a petite Sirloin at Uno. Then we went to Polar Express (which I had already seen). Then I came back home and, you guessed it, talked with Josh and Brendan online... this time you can add Shai, and Jason too. Brendan was crocheting stockings for Christmas. So domesticated, yet so manly. Josh is coming in tomorrow from New Hampshire which also adds to my light mood.
In addition to this, I am feeling good emotionally... like happy happy... I hope it lasts.
Tomorrow I should also begin moving to my new room... so who knows what will happen with the internet until I get it figured out with Time Warner or Verizon. I hope to be in full operation by the end of the week...who knows for sure though.
It is now nearly 6AM, and I still can't sleep... I get up in an hour LOL to shower before Morning Prayer.
Oh, in addition to all the migraines and partying and paper writing, I read The DaVinci Code. I will be posting on that later.
18 November 2004
AARGH!
Dear Jack,
Why is it that you can have a less than healthy relationship with your father, and then when they are taken to the brink of death, you realize how much you love them despite the conflict? You would think that if we were not getting along at all (as in rarely speaking with each other), if my dad were to be near death, then I would be unmoved by this. Rather I am finding myself drawn to the opposite of this.
Yesterday my dad had a seizure while driving his truck. He appearently got into a bad wreck, he survived and the truck is ok. He refuses to go to the hospital regarding any injuries from the accident, but also regardless of the fact he had a fucking SEIZURE. His main reason for not going is because my family doesn't have health insurance. We can't afford a decent health insurance, and because my father is self-employed, he does not get benefits through work. Thus any small sickness or injury is a big deal if the hospital is concerned. If they treat us, the bills are so astronomical that we are virtually unable to pay. My mother was the last person to go into the hospital, and that was for cancer. We had to file for bankruptcy afterwords because we don't make in seven years what the bills cost for the two days she was in the hospital.
All that in mind, my dad is refusing to seek treatment. This year has already been a bad one financially. Surprisingly my family has had to contribute little to nothing (litterally under 100 dollars) to me being here in NYC. Still they are barely able to stay afloat. My dad installs flooring for a living. In the recession which has followed 2001, my dad's industry has been hard hit. No new homes, and few renovations means no work. Add that to the high taxes for a self-employed person and having to cover any insurance (this is not health insurance mind you, it's just work insurance and workers compensation).
I don't know what to do. I have chapel now. I am sad. I am mad. I am so many things.
13 November 2004
My Friend Joe
Dear Jack,
I've a friend who's name is Joe. He came to New York from Texas about a week or two before I moved here. He's my age, a good looking young man, very friendly... the boy next door. He left Texas because his family, a devout LDS family, was not willing to deal with his sexuality. He is gay.
He arrived in New York, the hub of the world. He knew not what to expect or what led him here... a search for freedom, perhaps. He found a roommate to live with, turns out the guy was gay also. He was the first person to flirt with Joe, and Joe crushed on him. In the end, they were not going to work out, and Joe had to leave. Not having a place to go, Joe stayed on the streets of New York.
He found himself in despair. He eventually was found by an older man who took pitty oh him. He helped him find a job, and get a place to live. The man, in return, gave he impression he wanted sexual things. Joe put this off, not wanting to do so. He swallowed his pride and called his parents back in Texas, and they sent him a little to live on.
It was at this point in his life, that he and I met.
I had been hanging out with my friend Bob, a Methodist MA student in his fifties. We would go have coffee and chat each week. It was on one such night that I came back to the close, and saw a group of people entering with one of the students, Chris.
Not really wanting to go back to my room and be alone, I took my friendship with Chris as a way of inviting myself to hang out with these people. We went to Chris' room and chatted. They had bought some drinks at the local store and were sharing them in her room, so as to not have to pay a lot at a bar. The majority of the group worked at one of the local Starbucks. It was here, with this group, that I met Joe.
Joe stuck out to me, as I thought I had seen him before. It turns out we had glanced at each other in passing earlier that night. He and I hit it off as friends.
Later that night the whole gang went to a club called Krash. It was there that he asked for my phone number, I assume as a friendship basis. I know I had offered friendship. He then walked with Chris and I part of the way home, before heading his way towards where he was staying.
He and I met and hung out twice over the next few weeks. He shared his story, and his hopes and fears. We discussed prayer, and how things can change, and that there is hope. And we began a friendship.
Then I stopped hearing from him. The people at Starbucks stopped hearing from him.
Tonight, while at the Starbucks with my friend Rick, a student here from LA, I decided to send him a text message. "Are you dead?" as I had not heard from him. Then Rick and I went to see Polar Express.
After coming out, at 11PM, I got a reply. "Of course not... but homeless...eh"
Since that moment, I've had Joe in my mind. I fear the truth behind it. I feel a sadness and a desire to reach out. I am not sure what to do, but I offered my futon to him. I read his mentioning he's homeless as a call for help. I ask you to pray for this guy.
You never know what it is like until you walk in their shoes.
I've a friend who's name is Joe. He came to New York from Texas about a week or two before I moved here. He's my age, a good looking young man, very friendly... the boy next door. He left Texas because his family, a devout LDS family, was not willing to deal with his sexuality. He is gay.
He arrived in New York, the hub of the world. He knew not what to expect or what led him here... a search for freedom, perhaps. He found a roommate to live with, turns out the guy was gay also. He was the first person to flirt with Joe, and Joe crushed on him. In the end, they were not going to work out, and Joe had to leave. Not having a place to go, Joe stayed on the streets of New York.
He found himself in despair. He eventually was found by an older man who took pitty oh him. He helped him find a job, and get a place to live. The man, in return, gave he impression he wanted sexual things. Joe put this off, not wanting to do so. He swallowed his pride and called his parents back in Texas, and they sent him a little to live on.
It was at this point in his life, that he and I met.
I had been hanging out with my friend Bob, a Methodist MA student in his fifties. We would go have coffee and chat each week. It was on one such night that I came back to the close, and saw a group of people entering with one of the students, Chris.
Not really wanting to go back to my room and be alone, I took my friendship with Chris as a way of inviting myself to hang out with these people. We went to Chris' room and chatted. They had bought some drinks at the local store and were sharing them in her room, so as to not have to pay a lot at a bar. The majority of the group worked at one of the local Starbucks. It was here, with this group, that I met Joe.
Joe stuck out to me, as I thought I had seen him before. It turns out we had glanced at each other in passing earlier that night. He and I hit it off as friends.
Later that night the whole gang went to a club called Krash. It was there that he asked for my phone number, I assume as a friendship basis. I know I had offered friendship. He then walked with Chris and I part of the way home, before heading his way towards where he was staying.
He and I met and hung out twice over the next few weeks. He shared his story, and his hopes and fears. We discussed prayer, and how things can change, and that there is hope. And we began a friendship.
Then I stopped hearing from him. The people at Starbucks stopped hearing from him.
Tonight, while at the Starbucks with my friend Rick, a student here from LA, I decided to send him a text message. "Are you dead?" as I had not heard from him. Then Rick and I went to see Polar Express.
After coming out, at 11PM, I got a reply. "Of course not... but homeless...eh"
Since that moment, I've had Joe in my mind. I fear the truth behind it. I feel a sadness and a desire to reach out. I am not sure what to do, but I offered my futon to him. I read his mentioning he's homeless as a call for help. I ask you to pray for this guy.
You never know what it is like until you walk in their shoes.
12 November 2004
It's Nov 12 Already???
Dear Jack,
The last post I had was Halloween.
Allen B. came up for a visit. He hung out with my friends and all was good. I am very happy how all of them have gotten along with each other. They all complemented me in my choice of friends. And yes, ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE COOL. I love them. They make an urban family. Allen hung out with my friend Jason while Shai and I went to the gay bar G. At G, Shai and I ran into Mike from Halloween and his friend Paul. I found myself feeling sort of sad because Mike and Paul seemed to ignore me and really really were pushing themselves on Shai. In the end we learned more than we wanted to about Paul and Mike and their "friendship" which included sex at an AIDS camp. Now we figure they were trying to get Shai to join them for some fun. Luckily Shai is not like that in any way. So we (having met up with Jason and Allen for dinner) just heard their stories and ignored them, and let them go about their lives. It is silly how upset I was feelign being ignored by people who really were nto people I needed to worry about.
In addition that weekend Allen and I saw Rent. I loved it. It made me cry a lot though. I felt really touched by the story and especially by Angel. It was a great time all in all, despite the fact that I was in tears LOL.
On Tuesday Josh came in to town and Jason went into the hospital. Not how things were planned to happen. Jason had an infection from a spider bite. On Wednesday Josh, Shai, and Sha-lom and I went to Sezchwuan Restaurant. After that we went to the Big Cup.
THen we met up with Andrew, Julia, and another friend of theirs and went to see Ray. It wasn't that bad of a movie, but a little long. It was a good thing Josh opted out of the movie, as he needed to be back early, and the movie did not let out until 1:30 AM.
Yesterday I went to Tribeca for spiritual direction. Then I went to visit Jason in the hospital and stayed there till he was discharged. Then we met up with Shai and ate dinner in the Upper West Side.
Today there's not much else going on.
The last post I had was Halloween.
Allen B. came up for a visit. He hung out with my friends and all was good. I am very happy how all of them have gotten along with each other. They all complemented me in my choice of friends. And yes, ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE COOL. I love them. They make an urban family. Allen hung out with my friend Jason while Shai and I went to the gay bar G. At G, Shai and I ran into Mike from Halloween and his friend Paul. I found myself feeling sort of sad because Mike and Paul seemed to ignore me and really really were pushing themselves on Shai. In the end we learned more than we wanted to about Paul and Mike and their "friendship" which included sex at an AIDS camp. Now we figure they were trying to get Shai to join them for some fun. Luckily Shai is not like that in any way. So we (having met up with Jason and Allen for dinner) just heard their stories and ignored them, and let them go about their lives. It is silly how upset I was feelign being ignored by people who really were nto people I needed to worry about.
In addition that weekend Allen and I saw Rent. I loved it. It made me cry a lot though. I felt really touched by the story and especially by Angel. It was a great time all in all, despite the fact that I was in tears LOL.
On Tuesday Josh came in to town and Jason went into the hospital. Not how things were planned to happen. Jason had an infection from a spider bite. On Wednesday Josh, Shai, and Sha-lom and I went to Sezchwuan Restaurant. After that we went to the Big Cup.
THen we met up with Andrew, Julia, and another friend of theirs and went to see Ray. It wasn't that bad of a movie, but a little long. It was a good thing Josh opted out of the movie, as he needed to be back early, and the movie did not let out until 1:30 AM.
Yesterday I went to Tribeca for spiritual direction. Then I went to visit Jason in the hospital and stayed there till he was discharged. Then we met up with Shai and ate dinner in the Upper West Side.
Today there's not much else going on.
Disclaimer
Dear Jack,
I do not believe in labeling and I do not believe in censoring unless I am censoring myself. I have been raised willing to speak my voice, and I intend to do this. Let all people willingly speak their voices.
This blog is my opinion, and it is only my opinion. I know it has upset other people already, and apologize for causing any upset reactions. I do not intend to censor what I say, but I will be clear that it is not directed toward anyone or any parish. I speak from my mind without any authority to speak or teach. But regardless I do speak, and I am open to discussing anything I write with anyone, whether you agree or disagree with my opinion.
I will be frank and say that many would call me liberal. I do not believe in labeling people. But there are many more labels I'm certain could be applied to me and my friends.
I will be frank and say that many would call me liberal. I do not believe in labeling people. But there are many more labels I'm certain could be applied to me and my friends.
Think about all the labels given to people everywhere. Many, if not based on stereotypes, have connotations which are stereotypical.
I do not believe in labeling and I do not believe in censoring unless I am censoring myself. I have been raised willing to speak my voice, and I intend to do this. Let all people willingly speak their voices.
01 November 2004
This Week in Review
Dear Jack,
Let's see, classes as usual. We have an exegesis due on this week in New Testament. I am not too worried about it, having done some in the past.
This past weekend I hung out with friends, and it culminated with going with Shai and Andrew and some of their friends to the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. It was pretty cool.. TONS OF PEOPLE... and a lot of it was political. Then I went with Andrew and Shai and another friend, Marcus, to some gay bars and clubs. We hung out at Baracuda, XES, and Park. Park was the most striking, as my usual server at The Big Cup was one of the guys sitting on a swing. He looks like the actor Tag Erickson mixed with Mark Whalberg. My friend Kim calls him the boy in the red hat, as he usually wears one.
It was a late night, but classes were canceled for the majority of the day because the prof. was out of town.
All in all things are going good.
This past weekend I hung out with friends, and it culminated with going with Shai and Andrew and some of their friends to the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. It was pretty cool.. TONS OF PEOPLE... and a lot of it was political. Then I went with Andrew and Shai and another friend, Marcus, to some gay bars and clubs. We hung out at Baracuda, XES, and Park. Park was the most striking, as my usual server at The Big Cup was one of the guys sitting on a swing. He looks like the actor Tag Erickson mixed with Mark Whalberg. My friend Kim calls him the boy in the red hat, as he usually wears one.
It was a late night, but classes were canceled for the majority of the day because the prof. was out of town.
All in all things are going good.
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