A Change of Majors?

Dear Jack,

I woke up today with bad indigestion from the night before when we ate at the India Garden. I felt much burning pain in my rear area from the high amounts of curry that was in the food. I wanted to just hand my life over and die. I hardly know how I survived it. I did however make it to class. In Psychology we discussed the different ideas about cults and sects, and how they are present even at PC. Specifically we discussed some of the aspects of COW. I am not sure how I feel about COW. I know I do not agree with their tactics of getting people to join them. I do not agree with their beliefs about women, Catholics, and gays. Furthermore I am an introverted person for the most part and do not feel comfortable in happy-clappy, hootenanny style praise and worship stuff. I am not certain that I think the best part of a worship is centered around testimonies either. It seems that testimonies focus to much on an individual rather than on the community around, or on God. I took the fundamentalist test and found out that I apparently register high on it. I am not sure what this means, as I always thought I was rather liberal in my interpretations. Yet when I think about it, I may be liberal... however I am still strict in that my liberal interpretation is authoritative. After lunch I napped as I wasn't feeling great still. I woke up at 6:30 just in time for dinner. Dinner wasn't too bad... I think we had it before though (herb stuffed chicken).

After dinner I went over to visit Dr. Hobbie. I was sort of feeling down, but with no real reason to feel this way. I wanted to do something I guess. But there were no people with which to do it. Hobbie provided a safe place for me where I could chat and do something other than sit in my room moping about. We talked about the possible things I am going to do this coming year. As it is, I really do not think that I belong in the music department anymore. I don't want to cut ties, but I do not want to depend completely on that department, nor on Dr. Stokes. I feel very betrayed by him. If the only problem is money, than I think I will change majors this fall for the Religion Department, and go where I feel I am comfortable, and am able to be proficient. As it stands, I do not feel that I am proficient in the Music Department. With some of the classes, I almost feel like I am a hindrance to others, and many other classes I just don't care about anymore. I love music, don't get me wrong. But I do not really care which requiem was written when. Furthermore, I feel like I am on a more basic level in that form of appreciation than the other music majors. I enjoy singing. I enjoy playing organ. I don't enjoy, necessarily, the history of it all. Composition, yes. Analysis--sort of. History... zzzzzzz. Yet I love other histories such as Church History or World Civ.. World Civ. and the History of Christianity have been probably my most favorite classes at PC. Although I did also enjoy Music Theory... although I think I was alone in thinking that. Right now I feel a lot of anxiety towards Stokes. I feel hurt, angry, and unsure how to behave around him, or how to move on from what I feel he did this past year with me and my migraine problems. We talked for a long while, Hobbie and I.

We were then met at the window by Rob, Buz, Marie, and one of the two girls whose names I can't remember... their in the other class, so I don't have as much interaction with them. They wanted to have some fun...albeit it was 10:30 at night... so they took off. I decided to follow and join them. We walked around for a while, and then we headed to the Head of the River Hotel. The hotel had a bar with much outside seating. We sat around chatting for a while, and we even began to get beneath the water of basic socialization. Afterwards, when the place shut down we found an ice cream shop (open till midnight). We went in, and I ordered a cup of B 52. That is an ice cream based on Irish Crème. It wasn't too bad. We then walked around Oxford until 1. I headed home to bed so I could get my journal and Mere Christianity reading done.