Bitchy Boob

Dear Jack,
Woke up as usual, showered, and headed to class. We discussed Jehovah's Witnesses in Religion in America, the Matthew Passion Narrative in Synoptics, A priori and a postriori stuff in Concepts in Modern Philosophy, Handel and the Messiah in Music History. I ate lunch with Wylie. He seems down. I'm not sure what exactly it is, but he's just rather down. I worked today. Chellie had me running errands all over, and so did Greg. I did pick up a picture of a Native American and he was a hottie. Appearently he and a few others are coming to perform for us on Tuesday evening. It should be interresting. I need to ask Justin if he wants to go. After work Caleb and I went to Hardees to try the Angus Beef Burgers. It wasn't too bad, but I couldn't eat it all. I felt like I was wasting food. After that Justin came over and we chatted for a while before heading to CIH for sushi (Korean style). I must admit the rice was rather undercooked. After that I rode with Justin to his room to hang out. Richard was there so I felt sort of awkward cause I didn't know what to say exactly. I don't know Richard all that well, and I feel awkward right now with him. Actually I feel that way about Justin's friends in general. So I decided to talk to Justin about it. Pretty much I feel that maybe Justin's ashamed of me, or maybe his friends don't like me. Regardless I've yet to do anything with them and him. They are a part of his life that I don't get to share with, and I feel sad with that. I have tried to include him with my friends. The double date we went on was with Dani and Teska, and I invited him over to watch a movie. They all like him. Mo and Dani think he's hillarious. It was such a relief that they liked him, cause they're the most judging of my friends. I figured perhapse things like that would occur with his friends. Here is my view on this, Jack. If two people are going to try for a relationship they cannot leave their old lives behind. They cannot go and start a new life either. Both of those will hurt one or the other or both inthe relationship. What needs to be done is to share their lives with each other. Right now I want to share, but I don't know what he feels. I don't know if he wants to share his life with me. And that scares me. I realized there is so much I don't know about him that I want to know. I want to get to know him sooooo much better. He's so wonderful as it is, and all I can think is, "Damn, I want more." I just don't know how to communicate that without seeming like a bitchy boob. Tonight while we talked I kept on feeling guilty with what I was saying, I knew I wasn't speaking clearly. I felt soo bad, and even though we didn't argue or fight, I feel like on some level, we clashed. Not a bad thing, but I know we'll need to work things out. I'm such a pansy.