Justin as a Friend

Dear Jack,
I have come to full realization that nothing would ever make things work out between Justin and I. I have not been able to get a full accounting of why he feels that way, and for now, I will just have to accept tha he feels that way, and move on. I want to be his friend, and to do that I have to let go of the other stuff. It won't be easy, and I can't promise anyone that it will come swiftly. I want to help Justin so I will confirm some things for him.

Here are things that I thought from the beginning would hinder us, and ultimately cause a demise in our relationship. I just wasn't prepared for it so soon, and had worked them out in my mind. After this, I will not harp him about specific feelings. I will occasionaly ask if he can explain it to me... but if he says no, then I will drop it. Eventually it won't matter as our friendship grows.

Possible Problems I saw:

Justin was Methodist. Justin suggested that he was not a devout person. He equated change as being bad. He had a different understanding regarding what sex meant. He did not want our relationship to be fully public. He dodged direct questions. He did not want to be a minister's spouse. He was too feminine.

I tried to avoid a lot of those things... some were petty... like the feminine nature. Some were more weighty... being devout.

I know now that he felt he needed to change to be with me, and that would be a lot of change. I didn't mean to make him feel forced, but I can see how in a relationship, one feels forced to... compelled to. I know I did.

However for me Change was a positive thing. In an almost, dear Lord, Presbyterian way of looking at things, I feel I should be constantly reforming... and changing... molding myself closer to what God wants. Thus Change is positive for me.

I think of Justin, Change brougth the undiscovered country of not knowing into thought... of negative ends. All I can say is that I disagreed with that.

NOW:
Things are over romantically. I wouldn't mind a date with him every now and then... but I doubt that'd work for him. I am now to focus on being a friend.

With the abrubt nature of the relationship terminating, I don't think I could risk being with him in any other capacity than friend, occasional date.

I still have hope for our friendship. I do love him, and will learn to love him as a friend and brother. He wants to be friends... I want to be friends. I think that will work.