Justin... the shitty friend

Dear Jack,
Life just got shitty. I have just received an email outlining how I cannot major in Religion anymore due to one to many "D"s in Religion. Of course I get this information after the drop/add day has passed, so now, I am taking two classes that do not count accademically. I can't even change them to Pass/Fail or Audit. No, I have to take them and get no credit for them, or fuck my fucking fucked up GPA. Thanks fucking Ethel Fucking Aldridge for your high quality fucking work.

Last night I Justin and I had a disagreement regarding something I had to tell him. I think he's mad, cause I learned that Anna confronted him about me being upset. I didn't know she was going to do that, and was a little surprised to learn she had. Anna did give me a good talking to. I learned that it might be out of line to expect him to hear me out in person.

I wanted to tell him in person because it was something meaningful to me, and I wanted him to see sincerity in my eyes. In looking back at our relationship, I have learned that a lot of what has been said on online has been misconstrewed by one or both of us. What I had to say I did not want misconstrewed.

For the Record:

I wanted to tell Justin that our relationship was wondeful for me, and I have no regrets with it, nor the break up. I wanted to thank him for helping me deal with the break up, and realize that yeah, it was probably a good thing to do so, so as to preserve our friendship. I wanted to tell him how hopeful I was for our friendship to continue. I also wanted to reasure him that I've gotten over him romantically. And that I want to do a double date sometime. I also wanted him to know what I was thinking prior to the break up, which is irrelevant to him, but important for me to get off my chest. I was wanting to break up to, not necessarily then, cause I wanted to have the fun stuff--yes the sex-- the hanging out stuff, ya know. But I was thinking that things would not go right in the end. And I wanted to appologize for any extra stress I put on him at the time of the break up for not being honest with myself and him in how I felt about the situation.

I did not expect any type of resonse, cause all it was was a venting... but I did want him to hear it, and see my sincerity and earnesty to be friends and move on and just have fun and enjoy our friendship at PC for the rest of the semester.

I don't know if he's upset with me for not telling that to him online. It was just something I wanted. And yes I am angry that I've not been appeased on anything since our break up. I do not think it is out of line for me to tell a friend that I have something personal to tell them in person. I have inquired other friends, and they agree (not knowing the situation). It just really hurt he couldn't just meet sometime and let me spill for 5 mins, and be well with myself. It wasn't about him, it was about me, and my feelings.

I have also learned that I've been called a stalker. This surprises me greatly, as I have not been to Bailey, nor eaten with our mutual friends at meals, and have for all intensive purposes had nothing to do with him except online conversations. I don't know if it was something Justin feels or if it just something that Richard feels. Regardless I was shocked to be called a stalker.

I fear for any friendship, because I can't get a grasp on what's going on in Justin's mind. He wouldn't tell me why he couldn't just let me speak in person. And he used the argument "what about my feelings?" when I've been appeasing him from the get go.

I wish he would consider someone other than himself in this friendship. Otherwise, I fear if it will last, for I know if I keep on getting my feelings neglected I will loose interrest and build resentment. Justin's a good guy, and I hope I can be a friend.